National Eating Disorders Association

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End of the Line

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I'm not sure where to begin. My spouse has had ED for almost 20 years. We've been married for 3 and together for 8. In all that time, about 5 of those years have been spent dealing with it. First, just to get them to admit to it, and now fighting for years against it. They just returned from over a month in residency, and the first day back it seems we've gotten nowhere, if not having slid back.

I have given everything. Every fiber of my soul, every financial resource, every last bit of love I have. They just got released from their job for extensive medical leave and I now am the sole source of income in our household. The bills are racking up, and a lot of days I feel like they are just content to keep going to PhP and never change. As long as everything is taken care of and they're coddled, nothing else matters. And I just become a convenient emotional pillow to hit.

Not really asking any questions or anything, just needed a place to rant to other folks who might understand.


Hi kilgorelee, It sounds like you have provided endless support and it’s time to you to consider support for yourself. I encourage you to contact NEDA and seek help. You need to take care of yourself just as much as you take care of your spouse.
NEDA Contact:
Helpline 1-800-931-2237
Chat at
Text "NEDA" to 741741



It's a frustrating situation alright, and you are right to be upset. It'a all well and good to be supportive, but for support to feel OK, the person has to provide us with something to support.

Which, beyond the fact that you care about her, it doesn't really sound like she's doing.

EDs can back us into a corner alright, and I'm sorry you're finding yourself there. As was mentioned above, it may be time to give thought to taking care of your own self. When a loved one has problems, they are our problems too.

Bob J.