National Eating Disorders Association

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Need help through ED with my gf

Im in love with my gf whos suffering from an eating disorder, ptsd and im researching to understand and to be more supportive. Im wanting to understand why she pushes me away, discourages me from staying and attempts to kill herself. Ive known from the start about her ED and been with her off and on for almost a year now. The ups n downs have been, i believe, me not understanding and knowing how to cope properly. I believe she loves me and i need guidance to help us through.


Hey Lucky,

Yes, the "pushing away" thing is *very* common with EDs. I worked on another site for partners for a number of years, and this was the very most common thing that guys would come to talk about.

My sense is that it has to do with the "good enough" thing. Like they will never ever be good enough, you know ?

You are bound to have expectations. You hope she'll be less depressed, and not so much under the spell of her ED. These are expectations she feels that she will never be able to fulfill. She's a big enough disappointment to herself, so why should she be a big disappointment to you as well ? So things would be better if the two of you broke up.

Of course a lot of this is depression, and some of it comes from her "failure" at being successful at her ED too.

You are doing a good job though, I think, by reading and researching all this. Being able to put yourself in her emotional shoes will help too.

One thing you'll want to guard against is allowing yourself to get emotionally whipsawed by all this. I know : It's hard not to react to all this, but staying a Steady-Eddy through all this will help provide a sense of stability to things, during times that don't feel stable at all.

Keep writing ?