National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
imstillgrowing

Hi there. I have I reading some of your posts and want to say I am sorry you are struggling so much. When we wait for a response from a team member it can be very discouraging when we don't get a response. I am sorry for that. There is no body size or shape that determines how ill we are or the amount of help we need. So if you feel you are not "sick enough" so many of us including myself have felt or feel that way. I was so ill and almost dies yet I didn't think I was that bad. My parent's tell me otherwise as do the professionals. If you are being given an opportunity to get some extra support by going inpatient and your dietician thinks you need it, I would strongly consider it. Summer is here so if you are in school you won't be missing on school. There are medical problems that can be serious even if our bodies don't "look" bad. The emotional toll the eating disorder takes on us can be unbearable. So to get some extra support may be what you need right now. You haven't failed. You are not a failure for needing help. It is courageous to ask for and receive help. The one's that ask for and get the help are the one's that have a better chance of recovering. You say you want to get better. That is more than half the battle. I say go for it if you can. YES, It is scary. But down the road, you may thank yourself for taking this step for yourself. I want you to know you are not alone and God is with you. Ask Him for direction and listen and He will give you direction. Lean into Him and talk to Him about the situation. He will direct your path. Take care and hope you sleep well.
iwanttolive

imstillgrowing
Thank you so much

Thank you so much, iwanttolive. Your words mean so much to me. I'm really struggling tonight. My family really needs me this summer and I would feel guilty for not being there. My mom said that if caring for my family isn't enough to motivate me to recover, she doesn't think anything will. I have tied so much of my identity to being there for my family that not being there for them would make me feel awful. She confirmed a lot of the things I was fearing and that I had already discussed with my dietician earlier that day. I really trust my dietician and even though I don't feel "sick enough" or worthy of higher treatment, I trust her judgment more than I do my own. I had just gotten to that place but now I feel so torn again. I want to recover. I don't know why it's so hard. I want to be there for my family. I want to have my identity be in who Christ made me to be instead of in my size or even my ability to help my family. I will spend some time with Jesus tonight. That always makes things better.
Thank you again.
imstillgrowing