National Eating Disorders Association

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Gugui
My girlfriend has a thin obssession

My girlfriend has a eating disorder, she has already gone a a psychologist (sorry for my bad english but im a Portuguese Highschool student and so is she) and she managed to "trick" him but i know she's not doing fine. She has been on a pretty severe depression until we started dating, but she still keeps the same obsession. Not being fat. She even said to me one time "i want to stop thinking like and this and get a healthy weight and diet for myself, but i can't just let go all of my effort of NF and reffusing to eat". The thing is i have told her many times to get some weight and to eat healthy and she says she's gonna get it but instead of gaining weight, she loses it, and i dont know what to do. Please help me, she has gone through some dramatic times when she used to engage in ED behaviors and i want her to get better. She wants to be thin but im afraid thats not the best for her. Please help me, tell me "topics" that i could use to persuade her or things that i cold do to help her, please. She has a very bad relationship with her parents and im one of the only ones who can trully help her. She's very sensible to questions related do me but still she cant do what i ask her to do even for her to do it for me...

justgina
Hey Gugui,

Hey Gugui,

Welcome, I'm glad you found the forums and reached out! I'm sorry that you're in such a tough spot :( It's clear that you really care about her and want to help her, and she is lucky to have you. I know how helpless you must feel and how horrible it must be to watch her struggle.

The thing is, you can work to persuade her to change in as many ways as you can think of, but ultimately, the truth is that it has to be her choice to want to change her behavior and recover. And what I can tell you is that when you're struggling with an ED, the last thing you're thinking about is what's sensible. Especially when the goal is thin, gaining weight literally feels like the worst thing that could happen to you, and you don't really care how unhealthy you're treating yourself to get there or who's telling you to stop. It's difficult to understand - it seems on the outside like an issue of only weight and physical appearance, but at its core it is a mental illness.

That said, I can tell that you've tried many different approaches with her, but I want to emphasize that you cannot hold yourself accountable for her recovery. You should of course support her, and be there for her in the best way you can, but you are not responsible for making her better - it's got to come from her. Just continuing to let her know you care and are concerned is great. If possible, I think getting her to start meeting with her psychologist again would be really helpful, or maybe a new one that specializes in eating disorders that might know when she's trying to "trick" them. Another option may be mentioning this website to her as a place she can go to for support from people who understand what she's going through. Has she ever mentioned wanting to get better and not focus so much on her weight? Keep us posted!

justgina

Gugui
She has gone to the doctor

She has gone to the doctor many times, on the last 2 times measurements were made for comparison and evolution. In 3 weeks she lost more weight and is now even thinner. She is gonna start going on psychologists and nutritionists (i dont know if thats how you spell it) and she promised me she'd get better, but she said the same the last 2 or 3 times bad things happened like when the skipped meals, when her mom got to know what she's been up to, and the times she went to her doctor. From what she's told me, she used to be anorexic like 3 years ago, then things got "better", because on the inside she still was hurting, and now... now its like this, she had a certain weight in August i think, and she is now on the level of "low weight" on Body Mass Index. Thank you for your tips, ill take those into consideration. I think the best answer to your question is, when i ask her about that stuff, she tells me "I know what i sould do and i know what has to be done and i know its the healthiest, yet it's not easy", and then she just ignore everything i said and say, and goes to do things wrong again... i dont really understand. Thanks for the advices.

_admin_moderator
Hello Gugui. A portion of

Hello Gugui. A portion of your comment was edited due to inappropriate language and specific numbers and behaviors. For further reading, the community guidelines can be found here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines Thank you and please continue posting.

jayden
im new

Hey man. Im honestly really sorry to hear this. I just wanted to say that unfortunately my Girl Friend is Anorexic and Bulimic. I also suffer from Bulemia. I know how hard it is to be going through what you are. I was thinking if you want to text me. we can try our best to help eachother?
I know how it feels to be in this situation. You feel alone and feel if you were to tell anyone, that you would be breaking her trust. You're not alone
Jay

_admin_moderator
Edit

Hello and welcome to the forums Jay. Users are discouraged from sharing personal information. For further reading, the community guidelines can be found here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines Thank you and please continue posting.