National Eating Disorders Association

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drakeholloway
Wife has deep anger and aims it at me

Hey guys,

My wife has battled her ED for ten years. We have been married for six. Lately she rages at me and screams and of course justifies it by saying that I drove her to it and if I just stopped bringing up a certain home remodel conversation that she wouldn't have freaked out.
Now she just admitted that she has been feeling so disconnected that she was driven to text her ex BF from years ago. Says she just wants to feel loved and desired. My therapist tells me that my wife has such a deep self hatred that she won't allow herself to feel loved by me. I agree. I tell her she is beautiful all the time, and I don't think she hears it. My therapist says that I represent a threat to my wife's ED which is why I am so annoying to her.
Does this resonate with anyone?
Thanks,
Drake

BobJ48
10 long years.

Drake,

She may rage at you, but after 10 years of this, it's herself that she's mad and frustrated at.

And yeah, ED is going to be feeling threatened, irritable and disrespected, because it knows that you and everyone else it thinking it needs to get out of here.

claire_bear
Support

Hi drakeholloway! I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time lately. Recovery from an eating disorder is usually difficult for both the person going through it and their loved ones. There's an excellent resource here at NEDA called the Parent Toolkit but it's not just for parents; it's for anyone in a supportive role for someone with an ED. It explains a lot of concepts and offers good advice, such as encouraging a loved one to seek professional help and how to talk to a loved one about their ED. You can access it under "Resources" here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/parent-family-frien...