National Eating Disorders Association

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Mtoto22
BF doesn't trust i am recovered

Does anyone else on here deal with the INTENSE frustration of a partner not trusting or believing in their recovery story?
I am 33, was acutely anorexic from age 12-16 or so, and recovery was probably the biggest struggle of my life, spanning at least a decade. I feel very secure in my recovery now (and have for several years), and draw an immense amount of personal strength from that. It shaped who i am now to a great deal - as an organic farmer who is intimately in touch with where food comes from and who relies on a strong healthy body to do the work it requires, i have totally transformed my relationship with food.
Have been with my BF for 4 years and of course told him about my past struggles, but wish i hadn't. He treats me like i am still sick, and in a very angry way that seems more accusatory than loving or concerned. Sometimes it just feels like he uses it as "ammo" in unrelated arguments. I am very healthy, and have had no relapses in the 4 years we have been together. When i have lost weight due to sickness etc, i have intentionally regained it back each time, not just to prove him wrong but because i have absolutely no "use" for ED in my life anymore. Yet he continues to mistrust me and talk to me as though i am in the throes of an active ED, in denial, etc. It makes me absolutely lose my mind with frustration, and leaves me feeling like he sees me for so much less than i am. And like we lack basic trust in our relationship. I guess i just wonder if others experience this on either side, if i am overreacting to poorly communicated concern, or if this is more about his own trust issues than anything else.
Thanks!
- frustrated & confused

jasmine4102
you can fix this!

Hey!
I kind of get this same vibe from my sister. She is very skeptical of me and almost monitors my intake too closely to make me feel comfortable, even though I have been pretty steady with my recovery for a while now.
It's true that your boyfriend acting like this could be out of concern, but for the sake of your relationship, you have to figure out together how to make the dialogue between the two of you about your eating disorder more trusting and healthy.
I know it is harder said than done, but sitting down with him and really just telling him all about how you feel could make a great conversation where you guys could figure things out. You should tell him how strong and empowered you feel after recovering, you could express to him that you want him to trust you more, and maybe reassure him that you feel confident in your current state! He might also give you some insight on what his thought process around all of this is like. It may be uncomfortable to have a conversation like this, but it will be worth it in the long run and will strengthen your relationship!
If you have already tried that, or if it is too hard, maybe you could tell him to ask you a bunch of questions on how you're doing, what your thoughts are, etc. Maybe it'll give him the chance to figure this out more and understand where you are.
In the end, if you feel like the relationship is strained because of mistrust or pressure from him, you have to decide what is best for you and remember you deserve to be with someone who treats you like royalty! You have overcome so much in life and if he takes that away from you, that is not okay. Please don't let yourself continue to be hurt by what is going on.
I found that talking to my sister about where I am and telling her how I feel (though it sounds corny) has helped her trust me more.
hope I helped somehow, take care!
-Jasmine

Mtoto22
Hey, thanks Jasmine, glad to

Hey, thanks Jasmine, glad to hear from someone else in my shoes! Your advice is good, but unfortunately "the talk" has been ineffective despite having had it several times :( I think we are dealing with more of a relationship/trust issue than an ED issue unfortunately. Thanks for your support! I'm glad you and your sister are in a better place. That trust is definitely hard to regain!! Xoxo

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