National Eating Disorders Association

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Savedbygrace
Iwanttolive

How has the medication weaning and your mood swings been going lately?

iwanttolive
Savedbygrace

Hi. Thanks for asking. I am just starting now feeling withdrawals from my one med. Getting anxious and dizzy and trouble breathing. Look at my post under ladybug68. It will fill you in. I thank you for asking. How are you doing?

Savedbygrace
I'm hurting

Right now I want to cry. I'm hurting from all the memories of what my dad did. I feel dirty and guilty. I feel like my body betrayed me by bringing on the different traumas, the different hell, I had to go through and wonder why I'm still here to have to relive the memories. It hurts that other guys, girls, and a female teacher took advantage of me. That my mom knew about the abuse by my female voice teacher and thanked her. That my mom said again that nothing happened.

iwanttolive
Savedbygrace

I am sad for you. I will continue to pray and be here for you, to listen. The pain, the fear the anger, shame, but shame that is not yours to carry. I will continue to be here for you in anyway I can. Would you be okay if I ask without giving your information, to be on the prayer chain. I think you are doing your best but Jesus can do what you can't. The more people praying for you and lifting you up the better. But I want to ask you first.

How is your church going? Are you comfortable there?

You are NOT alone.

iwanttolive

Savedbygrace
I'd appreciate it

Thank you for your response. I like our church, but don't feel safe enough or something, I'm not sure what, to really open up to anyone about stuff, except in prayer requests that you write out and put in the offering basket. Celebrate recovery is good, but nobody gives feedback or talks. It's just a one way talking type deal. And my therapist doesn't really want me to talk about sexual trauma until after treatment. I've mentioned in some appointments that I'm struggling with flashbacks, mostly about my dad, but she kind of skips over it and it isn't talked about. My husband is a great person to cuddle with to feel safe, but we have similar backgrounds, and he doesn't have a therapist yet because of insurance.
So I really don't have much support. I think that all this is too much for most people, so I don't talk.

iwanttolive
Savedbygrace

I understand about celebrate recovery which is why I don't go. My parents church has great support type groups. One lasts six months and you getba mentor and homework. The other one is for women only and it is very safe. The church is called Shore Vineyard. The Vineyard churches are wonderful and the worship at this one is amazing. Did you ever hear of Hillsong music? Google it you might really enjoy it. So I will ask for you to be put on the prayer chain.
iwanttolive

Savedbygrace
Thank you

I guess I sometimes go to Celebrate recovery because I need to talk, but it sucks that it seems like you are talking to a wall. I don't know where else to turn. I talk to GOD all the time, but it's like I have nowhere I can go for help. It feels kind of hopeless. I just don't know what to do anymore with my past. I just hurt and ache and it seems like it isn't getting any better. Hopefully I'll get help in treatment.