National Eating Disorders Association

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Natasha210
Binge Eating: Looking For Support

My name is Natasha. I just joined the forums today in hopes of starting my road to recovery. A little background: I started using food as a coping mechanism four years ago after going through some things in my life I didn't know how to control, so I lost control while trying to find control in my mess of emotions. I lost my two best friends when they decided they didn't want to be a part of my life anymore, both around the same time. I was alone, I started dating people who did not treat me well, I had things going on at home that would drive me up the walls and the only way I knew how to control the anger, confusion, and depression was to eat as much as I could until I numbed myself completely of the pain. I learned quickly that the full feeling in my stomach felt good, so I became obsessed with using fullness as a way to make myself feel better. Well, about a year into the eating disorder, my body started to shut down. I started having all of these health problems. I was admitted to the hospital where the doctor told me I was borderline diabetic and was required to wear a heart monitor because I was having severe chest pains. One day the chest pains became so severe that I told a family member that I needed to get to the hospital. I was almost positive I was starting to have a heart attack. My family member told me that it was all in my head. They had no knowledge of the eating disorder because I knew they would never take me seriously. I fought through it and somehow survived it. I finally drove myself to the cardiologist once I obtained my license and had my heart checked. Around this time I had somewhat changed my diet. The doctor found nothing wrong with my heart because I had apparently nursed myself back to health through exercise and trying to eat healthier. It has really helped. Sounds too good to be true, right? Wrong...Well, I am still having binge episodes. I am having a lot of them lately and I can feel it all coming back. It's becoming harder to control. I don't want to get as bad as I was before, or even worse. I need some motivation or a reason to take care of myself. It's getting bad again. The New Year is right around the corner. I am ready to recover. I just need to find a way to stick to it. I have identified that my triggers to binge are: loneliness, stress, anger, sadness, empty feeling etc. They say that it's not the fact that we binge. It's the REASON WHY we binge that is so important. I want to start really living my life because this is no life I am living. I am surviving. I just feel like binge eating isn't an eating disorder that's discussed enough, so a lot of people suffer quietly and that's what I've been doing for so long and it's exhausting. I don't have anyone to talk to with my family. I am too embarrassed to talk to a college counselor about this. I have before, but they didn't help much. I am hoping this forum helps me.

chunkymonkey68
Congrats on Having a Healthy Goal for this New Year 2018

That sounds great. Also seeing a counselor is also a great plan to begin working towards recovery.

It sounds like an ED with Compulsive Overeating(Binging Food Disorder).

Have you tried taking a brief walk and counting to 30 b4 reaching out for the binge food, Or writing in a journal b4 each binge is tempting you to binge instead of doing something healthy?

I take evening walks following dinner on nights when it's conducive to do so safely. Otherwise I work 2 diff jobs, earning minimal wage practically, and thus have no choice but to work 2 jobs.

This too makes me feel both angry that job #1 hasn't awarded me with a pay raise yet, and that job #2 still doesn't pay me quite enough to feel satisfied w/ the extra time i must put into traveling and working most my evenings and weekends.

I feel so angry that I actually numb out and lose my appetite and must remember to eat at meal times. And must force myself to find time to exercise too.

Also dont forget to drink plenty of H2O in between main meals to both keep you from craving extra food and to move the waste from your body to stay healthy.

They also have compulsive overeating support groups in most states that have many meetings per week. People just like u gather together to obtain strength by being together to share their stories and support 1 another at meetings.

This is a great forum for online support. However when thinking of reaching for extra binge food instead call the hotline or attend a free support group in your local area and learn to use self control instead of giving in to the urge to binge.

Each time you are able to delay the binge a little more and find a healthy activity instead shows that you are becoming stronger in your recovery.

Good luck in reaching out and receiving support from your school counselor and community support groups. Also try and make some new friends.

There are all sorts of online ways to meet new friends and then you guys might be able to call each other when in need to talk besides using the online method as your only resort.

iwanttolive
Natasha210

Hi and welcome to the forum. I am glad you did. I find it is a great place for support and to offer support. I think you are correct when you say binge eating disorder isn't seen or talked about enough and a lot of emphasis is on the anorexia or bulimia. It is just as real and just as destructive as any and all eating disorders. I am sorry you are starting to struggle again. I just came from ten months of behavior free and fell but I am getting back up. I am upset about slipping after ten months but what we have to do is get back up and go from where we fell. It doesn't mean we lose all the ground gained while we were doing well. What do you think triggered this feeling of relapse? Has anything happened or is anything different that is going on?

What are you afraid of by using the available counsellors on campus. They are there to help, not judge. It is very difficult to go through this journey of recovery alone. I am sorry you lost two close friends. Did this happen before or after your feelings of wanting to start binging again? Rejection is painful. I am really sorry for your pain. Please feel free to post as much as you need to for support. Also the NEDA helpline 800-931-2237. They can help you find a therapist or dietician. Or just offer support. On line chat or speak with a volunteer on the phone.

I hope you know you are not alone. We all understand the struggle of having an eating disorder. I hope to see you again.

iwanttolive

mhankes
Hey there, I too currently

Hey there, I too currently struggle with binge-eating disorder as well as other eating disorders. It's unfortunate that it isn't talked about as much as the other disorders. For me, binge eating has been a recently new struggle. I have dealt with anorexia for three years and not had binge episodes like I do now. It's terrible and I know how you feel. I'm too embarrassed to talk to any friends or family members, but we shouldn't be. They love and care for us and are there to help. We can't do this alone. We can't and there's nothing wrong with reaching out for help.

It's a super big step that you have figured out why it is that you binge. It's a huge move in the right direction. I'm glad that you can come to terms with it. Keep on fighting and we'll make it.

jskoeni
Sometimes it is easier to

Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers than family / friends about these types of topics. If you don't have a counselor or a medical practitioner that you can talk to and get expert advice from, then I strongly encourage you to contact NEDA. They have trained volunteers that can help you find treatment options, support groups, medical professionals, etc. We are so glad you post in the forums and support you through your journey. Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing.

NEDA Contact:
Helpline 1-800-931-2237
Chat at www.myneda.org
Text "NEDA" to 741741

London1621
Hey

I hope you will be ok soon. Hugs.

EleniEleni
I am diagnosed with binge

I am diagnosed with binge eating disorder. I have it my whole life but the last three years went out of control and made me gain a lot of weight. The psychiatrist that I visited about it suggested me to take a medication but after a month I stopped them. I saw him twice so far but he did not help much. The dietitian gave me a meal plan which I can not keep up with and I eat more than that. I do try though to satisfy my nutritional needs.
I have one or two binges every day and some days a bulimic episode too. When I am sad or stressed by some bad news I eat right away something. The other day somebody broke into my flat while I was away. I ate more than I intended to afterwards to cope. And I had awareness when I did that. I am trying to eat healthy. It drives me crazy that I can not lose the extra weight I have. I don t want to be fat the rest of my life. I want to be healthy, charming and elegant.
Thanks for listening

_admin_moderator
Your post was slightly edited

Welcome to the forum. We encourage you to keep posting and seeking support from our community. We slightly edited your post to remove references to calorie counts and specific meds, in order to ensure it stays within our guidelines and does not trigger others. You can see our posting guidelines here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines 

justgina
Eleni

Hey EleniEleni,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling and that you felt your psychiatrist wasn't very helpful. Have you considered trying out a different one? In my own recovery, I switched after two sessions with the first therapist, and ended up finding one that was an amazing fit! Just something to think about :)

Also, it's so awesome that you've gained more awareness about the fact that you find yourself binging to cope with emotions or unfavorable situations. That's a big step! You should be proud of that. How would you feel about trying to journal when these situations arise, instead of turning to food? Writing can be so key in these situations, to sort out feelings in a clearer and more helpful way. You could always call a friend (if you feel comfortable), take a bath, etc. too...It's all about finding an alternative that works best for you as you move through this difficult process. You've reached out already, and that's awesome. We're here for you too, always. <3

lovetowrite81
EleniEleni

Hi EleniEleni-

Just wanted to check in & see how you have been doing the past several weeks? I have struggled with BED as well, and know how difficult it is to feel trapped in that cycle. I'm sorry to hear that you did not find the psychiatrist particularly helpful. Have you thought about trying a different therapist/counselor that may be able to help you work through the underlying roots behind the binge eating behaviors? For me, that was key in my recovery-- being able to gain perspective into why I was turning to food to cope, what role food was playing in my life, and finding healing in those places. Most of all, know that this is not your fault, the result of weakness or lack of self-control. BED is a complex disorder with psychological and biological roots that you did not choose. I hope you are able to be gentle with yourself in all of this, and know that recovery is possible. I did not think I would ever see freedom from BED, but have been behavior-free (as well as urge-free, thoughts-free) for over 3 years now. You can get there! I'm really glad you reached out & hope you continue to post and find support in this forum <3 I will be thinking of you!

<3 Lovetowrite81

MrWhite
Binge Eating & Diet

Hi, I'm over weight and I binge eat.

Every diet I try ends because I binge eat and that's ends the diet. So I decided to embrace the binge eating.

I'm on day 6 of this new diet I made up. Dreadmill says I burn X calories each time
Heart monitor says X calories each time.
But the scale don't lie

_admin_moderator
Edited your comment

Hi MrWhite – we want to reiterate that posting diet information and numbers are not allowed on the forums. This is a safe space for supporting each other and encouraging recovery, not one for discussing weight loss. Discussion of this nature will be removed from the forums. We edited your comment to uphold our community guidelines, which you can review here If you need help finding resources, the NEDA Information and Treatment Option Helpline phone number is 800-931-2237or there is a chat function on this website to discuss support options. Helpline phone hours are Monday-Thursday 11am-9pm ET, Friday 11am-5pm ET. Helpline chat hours are Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm ET, Friday 9am-5pm ET. We wish you the best.

Tryingtoheal
This is so inappropriate

Diet tips don't belong on here. If you are struggling with all this, you need to seek professional help. We cannot give medical advice. Please consider where your posting before you post.

yoyokay
Wishing you the best

I don't have the same ED as you, I suffer from restrictive anorexia nervosa, but I understand how tormenting eating disorders are and how they can make you feel in control. I am also suffering from health consequences. Please reach out to mental health professionals if you can and keeping checking in with your physician. You can do this.

CASACERA
"a lot of people suffer quietly..."

"and it's exhausting". Yes, but I am anxious and willing to talk about my food addiction, compulsive overeating, eating disorder (whatever anyone wants to call it). BUT even those wonderful, suffering women I know that struggle with this affliction can't or won't). I love all kinds of foods, period and don't throw-up ever. Hope you read this post and we can communicate, yes? CC p.s When did I post this? 2 days ago? And Nada. 2nd largest contributor of risk factors for Covid "obesity". Nobody wants this but the guilt and "you should be able to do this yourself" has been the message engrained forever. I can't. I always reach for help. This site was supposed to include "binge eaters". This also includes the vast number of overeaters who love food and can't control their appetites. Like me. I feel for anyone suffering but I don't relate to starving or throwing up and I wish the word would get out to my fellow overeaters that: what's the song? From Westside Story? "There's A Place For Us"?? But where? Need connections 24/7. If more food lovers and overeaters knew of this site maybe this essential support would exist here. Dream on, CC...dream on. CC

CASACERA
where are you BE'S?

I rest my case. CC

lizziebeth
i’m only 16 but i think i

i’m only 16 but i think i have binge eating disorder and i’m scared. i’ve had a bad relationship with food for years and i’ve never talked to anyone about it but i can’t stop myself from eating and it’s all bad food. some days i eat near to nothing and other days i stuff myself until i throw up. i have diagnosed depression and anxiety and have struggled with self harm for years and i’m at such a low right now i just want this to end.

khanhp
RE: lizziebeth

hey lizzie, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been suffering so much. I've also had a bad relationship with food ever since in 7th grade, and now I'm a sophomore. I just want you to know that your body deserves fuel to help itself from breaking down, and there is no such thing as "bad" food, all food is fuel, just eat the foods that you think will nourish and satisfy your body and mind the most at the moment. Eat until you feel like "I don't want this anymore", and there might be times where you just want to eat even though you're very full. You can try to distract yourself from it by watching a movie or something, and if it doesn't go away at all for an hour or so, you can eat food that are not so filling like pretzels or gummies and drink some water to flush it down. I love you, and I'm going through an eating disorder just like you, so you're not alone. You're never alone

CASACERA
appreciated your post khanhp

I'm with you on the "no bad foods" thing. I still find "fullness" doesn't stop my voracious appetite. When I finish a meal I sink. Working with a new addiction/ED therapist and this AM after a 2 hr eating "spasm" I've come to the conclusion that I have to be prepared to go through a painful withdrawal like any other addiction. In other words to learn to endure this subconscious drive, unless I can in an instant connect with another fellow food struggler for nothing can replace or substitute eating food for me any different from replacing air or water. CC

healingbella63
Powering through my internal conflict

Hey friends,
I am 16 and struggle my BED diagnosis. I've been insecure about my body ever since I was 8 due to my environment growing up. My brother constantly called me fat even though I was a healthy kid and my Mom would insult my dad for his BED. She dealt with anorexia and bulimia in the past and seemed to have moved on. However, she was still fixated on weight and would point out other womens flaws to me and once fasted for 2 weeks and lost a lot of weight when she had no reason to. She also once called me a slut in middle school for what I was wearing, fueling my insecurity. I started dieting in 2nd grade constantly trying to lose weight. It wasn't until I was 13 that I started severely depriving my body of food. I was miserably, cold and tired and had horrible circulation and watched my hair fall out. I recovered and was in a good place with my body for about a year. Than I had my first manic episode with delusions bordering on psychosis. For the first time in my life I loved my body, I was beautiful, strong, everything a person could want to be. Mania is pure ecstasy.
Once I crashed from this other-wordly high I became so depressed I dropped out of school and quit my job. This led to me eating copious amounts of food all day and growing into a larger body, I felt very ashamed of. My habits now fluctuate through mania and depression. When I go into depressive episodes food is my security blanket. I love the grounding feeling that comes with fullness and the taste of highly palatable foods. However the guilt and shame that comes after makes my heart ache and brings anxiety and self-hatred to the party. This has lead me to not leaving the house in disgust of my own body and the fear that others won't like what they see I also have avoided old friends because I don't want them to see the difference in my appearance and think they won't like me anymore. I used to wear cute, pretty clothes and now I dress for comfort and get really anxious at the thought of getting new clothes. I feel undesirable to others, which makes me avoid anything close to a partnership. My desire to be thin is stronger than my desire to cope with food but this fluctuates. These desires are painfully fighting within me and I must learn to make peace with these polarities. Since finding an amazing therapist she has been able to do some EMDR on me to help me process the trauma that has made me infatuated with this vice. I also have a nutritionist who believes all bodies are beautiful and helps me create a stable meal plan with the intention of satiation and making it harder to binge. Right now I'm a little manicy so its much easier to be ok in my skin. However, this is always changing. Right now I am in a relatively healthy place but my infatuation with thinness and internalized body shame still comes to visit daily. I'm learning to love the body I have and asking myself am I hungry or just tired, bored, emotional etc. helps me to eat more mindfully. Something I realized today looking through old pictures is self acceptance is a state of mind because even when I was thin I resented what the mirror showed me. I rly hope that I will learn to manage this like I am with my Bipolar and get better at balancing my mind and body and avoiding over-eating. However, it is such a hard journey and I know it will take lots of time. Having to deal with Bipolar 1 and an eating disorder on top of having an emotionally absent family makes being a teenager really rough. I can't wait to grow older so I can be more settled into myself.

mirage
Thank you all for sharing

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I was recently made aware of the fact that I might have an ED. Reading and relating to your stories makes me realize I need to seek help.