National Eating Disorders Association

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daisycharlotte
Can't leave the house

I go through periods of putting my mind and body through immense stress by engaging in behaviors. Then, after 6-8 weeks, I do just the opposite to relieve the anxiety and then I hate myself for it. I'm in one of the eating periods right now and feel so awful. I'm so ashamed and feel so so bad that I can't leave the house and have anyone see me anymore :(. I really really don't want to go back to starving myself because then I can't leave the house in either fear of having to eat or because I am so so tired all the time. But I can't think of another solution. Please can someone give me some advice, I just can't carry on this anymore, it's completely stolen my life for so long now :((. I'm in one of the eating periods right now and feel so awful. I'm so ashamed and feel so so fat that I can't leave the house and have anyone see me anymore :(. I really really don't want to go back to starving myself because then I can't leave the house in either fear of having to eat or because I am so so tired all the time. But I can't think of another solution. Please can someone give me some advice, I just can't carry on this anymore, it's completely stolen my life for so long now :((

justgina
daisycharlotte

Hi daisycharlotte, welcome to the forums. I am so glad you reached out! This is a supportive community of people who understand and can relate to what you're going through. I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling and that you feel that way about yourself...but I think it's important that you're noticing you need to make a change! It sounds like you have realized that when you dont eat, you dont have the energy to do the things you want to do, and when you eat too much, you feel awful. That's your body calling out to you for nourishment and for balance, and believe me, you can find that balance. :) There is a way out!

I can totally relate to feeling like your life has been stolen from you - my anorexia did the same to me. But you can take it back! Have you talked to anyone - a close friend or family - about this? Would you feel comfortable going to a therapist about it? I found therapy extremely helpful, as well as sharing what I was going through with loved ones. Eating disorders feed on isolation, so we need to do anything we can do to have others help hold us accountable in the fight, and just to be there on really tough days.

You can find some treatment resources here if you're interested: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment/treatment-and-sup... or you can contact the NEDA Helpline, as well. These forums are a great place for support, too, or maybe you could even find a support group near you if that would be helpful.

Just know that you're not alone, and that we're all here for you! <3

lovetowrite81
Daisycharlotte

Hi Daisycharlotte-
So sorry that you have been struggling. Just wanted to check in and see how your last few weeks have been? I can sense from your words just how much pain you are in, how much life ED has stolen from you. You must be so exhausted. Know that we are here for you to help carry some of the burden. What are your thoughts about seeking professional help, has that been something you have pursued in the past? You are not alone and we care <3 I will be thinking of you.

s.boewer
Hang in there

Hello- I am so sorry that you find yourself trapped at home, and I can totally relate. If I didn't have a job I would not be able to leave the house either. I struggle with large, puffy bags under my eyes and become so hyper-focused on them that it's hard for me to go out in public. My ED has the same impact on me and I have days where i feel so fat that I want to hide, but I have to work. This disease can be so overpowering that it's hard to stay positive or hopeful- we have to keep trying though! I am in the process of getting hooked up with a therapist that specializes in ED and would encourage you to do the same if you haven't already. We can't fight this alone, getting the right kind of support is so important. I feel like I don't have leg to stand on as far as giving you words of wisdom, because I'm so new to recovery myself. At least I can offer you support in knowing that you're not alone and that there is someone out here who can relate to the pain that you are feeling. It is all so isolating and harsh that it feels hopeless but it's not, people do recover and I am holding out hope that I can, and you can, also recover. Wishing you the best during this hard time and please keep posting with updates so that we know how you are doing:)