National Eating Disorders Association

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I have this new bad pattern of restricting. I don't know how to break this cycle and I'm worried because I keep losing weight that I don't need to be losing. I wonder where this will all end?


Hi your situation seems desperate. You say you don't know where it will end. This may seem harsh, but with help the decision is up to you. Not saying it is easy or you can do it today or tomorrow, but ultimately you need decided if you want to get better. It requires hard work and support but you can do this. We will support you here and know you are loved and cared about. Have you tried praying to Jesus? He says He will help all who call upon Him. I will say a prayer for you. Keep in touch. With love and care,

Hi- Thanks for the response,

Hi- Thanks for the response, it is right on target and true. I need to make a decision to change things before this cycle will end. The problem is that I am scared to give up control and really afraid to gain any weight if I start to eat during the week. Tomorrow night I am supposed to go to dinner with my family so I'll have to eat......ugh. I almost feel panicked about this dilemma and have been thinking of excuses to try to get out of going to dinner--- but that's a crappy thing to do because dinner is with my daughter that I haven't seen in months. This ED is such a hassle and I wish it would just go away!

Family and eating

I feel the same way with my family. I love them, but they constantly ask when I eat and what I've eaten. It's rough. Especially during the holidays. I also feel that I have to eat when I'm with my family, or else I'll get in trouble. I agree that it is very scary-not knowing what to do.

I absolutely hate having to

I absolutely hate restricting so frequently, but I'm totally freaked out to gain the weight that I know I'll gain once I break this cycle. I have been exercising with a girlfriend and I'm starting to notice a decline in my energy level and ability to exercise. I thought of telling my friend what my eating habits have been like, but she'll just think I've gone crazy I'm afraid. The bottom line is that I have to make a choice to change my behavior and take a step towards recovery, but it's like I'm waiting to achieve some magical number on the scale and THEN I'll start to eat "normally". The problem is that I'll never reach that perfect number and so I need to let go of that fairy tale! I appreciate the support I've gotten in these forums- means a lot to know that I'm not alone, Thanks...

recovery=acceptance of gaining weight???

In my mind when I think about recovery, all I can conclude is that it means I have to accept gaining weight. I'm just not ready to accept that... bottom line.

That size

Is one I'm jealous of. I'm MUCH bigger than that.

Posts edited

Hi s.boewer,A couple of your posts have been edited due to mentioning specific body sizes or eating disorder behaviors that might potentially be triggering to others. You can find our community guidelines here:  Please continue to reach out and find support on these forums, and take care. 


Hey S.Boewer,

Sounds like you're eating disorder is really putting you through a lot right now. That's really hard, and I'm really happy you've reached out here for help! I'm hopeful for you since reaching out for help is a great step towards recovery. You mentioned maybe reaching out to the friend that you run with - have you thought more about that, or else reaching out to a medical professional? I've found that for me personally, talking with my friends and seeking out therapy has gotten me out of some really hard times. Just a thought, different things work for everyone.

You also mentioned that recovery can mean gaining weight, which is really scary. Is there anything else you want to gain from recovery?

Sending love and support,



What I really want from recovery is a reprieve from the constant obsession with food and what to eat, what not to eat.... so exhausting. I have a doctors app't. on 12-19 so I plan on divulging everything to him on that day. It's a little scary but quite necessary at this point. Thanks for all of the feedback:)

S. Boewer

S. Boewer-
Just wanted to check in & see how you have been doing? How did your appointment go today? Thinking of you <3