National Eating Disorders Association

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Food and Gulit

I am 19 years old. Over the past two years I have lost weight. I started the weight loss health but it spiraled into something else. I still don't feel like I look any different. I was made fun of for my weight through my childhood and high school. I still feel fat and ugly. I have been restricting food. Then after awhile I just eat and eat. I end up feeling so guilty that I throw up all my food. This has been a cycle for a year now. I don't know what to do, I just hate food but don't want to not eat. I feel sick whenever I even look at food which makes family meals or meals with friends really hard because I just either don't want to eat or throw it up. I feel so depressed all the time. I think it is time to finally tell someone and ask for help. I'm not one to usually ask for help. I was always told asking for help is a sign of weakness and you need to figure it out on your own. What do I do?

Welcome to the forum and

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story. Sorry to hear that you were bullied and that you’ve been struggling for awhile. No one should have to go through that. The good news is that you are not alone and you’ve come to a safe place for support. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It’s an act of courage and bravery. It’s telling yourself that you life matters. Getting help for an ED is one of the bravest things you can do and typically takes a team of support. You never have to figure it out on your own. If you are ready for help, I would encourage you to speak with your doctor and perhaps find a therapist who can walk you through some steps of what recovery will look like. If you don’t know where to start, the NEDA Helpline is a great resource. They can provide you information about local therapist and where to start for professional help. You can call them Monday-Thursday from 9:00 am - 9:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am - 5:00 pm (EST) at 1-800-931-2237. You can also Click to Chat.
I hope this is a good starting place. I encourage you to continue to reach out here for support!