National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
First drive after four months

Hi everyone. I drove for the first time in four months in my new car that I never drove in. It was weird. I had just informed my father last night who is teaching my nephew to drive that hand placements were to be 10 & 2. New rule is 9&3. So he harped on that for the entire drive home. He got quite upset when I put my foot on the gas and the car lurched forward. Now I had never driven this car. So I had no idea it was so sensitive. Then he was aggressive when he said I was too close to the parked cars and went way to fast around the corner. I told him I haven't driven in four months and have never driven this car before. He agreed he was aggressive. Tomorrow he will have me drive myself to work and home again. I have until the 7th to get ready for my driver evaluation. Then I will be a free bird again.

I saw my therapist today and I feel really terrible. She is always telling me that the only way to make things right with my sister is to not react. I said the things she tells me or accuses me of is petty, but petty over petty over petty gets heavy after a while. She told me I have to stop reacting. I told her how difficult this was. I am not to let her get to me because she will continue to treat me this way. If I give her no response she will soon stop.

I asked her what my diagnosis is after a year of being with her and I was very unhappy with what she told me. I already knew but hearing it afresh, I was startled. I don't know why but I was. PTSD is strong. That was just one of the four she gave me. I feel all the work I've done was for naught. But, I am not acting on behaviors and am not as depressed as I was when I started with her a year ago. She said all those coping behaviors stem from the PTSD and interrelated to the eating disorder.

I will not let that stop me and be a cause to go downhill. I will continue to push forward. I also emailed my Pastor about some inappropriate things two pastors told me and another leader in the church, not where I am at now. I asked if I should talk to them or let it go. I think his response is flashing at me right now.

My procedure for my back was not very effective and I am still in pain. I am happy though that I am not using behaviors to cope. I am relying on the accountability I have here and to myself and mostly to God.\

Thank you for listening.
iwanttolive

chunkymonkey68
Congrats on Returning to Drive Behind the Wheel

It sounds great to have a new set of wheels to drive also. That must be very exciting for you.

I think you will get accustomed to the car's power after you practice driving it around until you feel like you are comfortable just take 1 day at a time.

Your body will develop muscle and sensory memories and then it wont seem so shocking when you drive a new and powerful car. I have an 80's car and eventually need a newer model too.

I dont desire all the New Car Tech stuff though. I am even timid over power windows and air bags.

Anyhow Great job and good luck and just pace yourself until you feel comfy enough to not fret over it any more...

iwanttolive
chunkeymonkey68

Thank you for your support. I went driving again today and did a lot better. I am not feeling well physically though so I may not drive tomorrow. I hope you are doing well teaching at school. It is so difficult these days to be a teacher. Nothing like when I was in school. So thanks again for reaching out to me.
iwanttolive