National Eating Disorders Association

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Feelng hopeless

I'm new to the forum and am just searching for someone to talk to... Someone who understands... I'm 34 years old and suffered from anorexia as a teen. When my mother discovered my condition, she wasn't sure what to do. She meant well and just wanted to help, but rather than seeking treatment, she simply monitored everything I ate and forced me to drink protein shakes when I refused to eat.

Eventually, I could no longer stand the taste of the shakes, and I started eating. Then, I couldn't stop.

I've still never received formal treatment, but I've stopped eating as uncontrollably. My problem now is, even though I move constantly, exercise nearly every day, and try to eat normally, I don't like my weight. I think about it almost all of the time. I can't stand to look at myself, and I delete or destroy every picture of myself I gain access to. I try to maintain a good diet, but I have to admit there are times when I get frustrated with trying and not seeing any results and then boomerang between not eating at all and then eating too much then back again...

I've talked with two different doctors about the fact that I shouldn't be this large, but they don't seem to take me completely seriously. They did give me a diabetes medicine because they thought I might have a condition where my body doesn't process insulin correctly. But I haven't achieved the results I was hoping for.

I don't know what to do. I feel so hopeless and like I have nobody to talk to about this issue. My husband just gets upset and says he doesn't understand why I'm so absorbed with my size because he thinks I'm beautiful, my mother and friends just start talking about how overweight they feel even though they're much smaller than me, and the doctors don't listen. Maybe I shouldn't be posting in a maintaining recovery forum... I don't feel very "recovered" right now.

Feeling Hopless - You're Not Alone!

Hi Jovie579,

First of all, I'm so proud that you've reached out to this wonderful and supportive forum!

I can relate to what you have been going through. I battled with an eating disorder (ED) when I was in high school, and started to get better, but then relapsed again while in college. Recovery is a process. Therefore, there will be good days and sometimes there will be setbacks

My family didn''t know what to do either when I was battling with my ED, but I know they meant well and were just operating from a place of love and understandable fear. Fortunately, nowadays, there is a wealth of information and support available to those of us struggling with an ED.

I'm glad you have an incredibly supportive husband who sees the truly beautiful person you are. I found that my trigger was the "scale". Therefore, I don't own a scale. Also, I've learned two important lessons: 1. What matters most is "Wellness NOT Weight"! 2. Most importantly, is focusing on what your personal gifts are! I believe we are all here for a specific purpose. If you can make a list of the things in life that inspire you, and gives your life purpose, and share those gifts with others, you will find this helps towards your recovery.

I found these links helpful and thought you might find it of interest and value too:

Lastly, I would encourage you to:
1. Call the NEDA Helpline #1.800.931.2237 (M-Thurs. 9:00am-9:00pm and Friday 9:00am-5:00pm EST) to receive personalized, confidential and compassionate help and guidance from trained volunteers that are waiting to help YOU!
2. Have you considered participaiting in a support group AND/OR also seeing a therapist that is trained specifically in ED's?

Please keep us posted and know that you are NOT alone! You CAN do this!

Hugs and blessings!

To Jovie.

Hey I just wanted to send you my well wishes. I am new to the forum but everything I have read is totally positive and kind so I hope you might find some support here. You do deserve to be healthy, love your body and be at a healthy weight. It seems like that should just be so easy but I totally understand that it is not. I echo LegacyofLove's idea of working with a therapist. I have had forward and backward movement with my eating disorder struggles but one thing is for sure my therapist has helped me feel loved and feel like I deserve to be loved as I am, even with an eating disorder. She is such a blessing to me and with her help the obsessive thinking that used to be constant with my ED has really quieted. Please reach out and keep us posted. HUGS

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