National Eating Disorders Association

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Ladybugg9
Feeling stuck

My senior year of high school consisted of me taking stimulant prescription pills and severely restricting food. I got very thin and fought off eating disorder rumors constantly. I never really got professional help but sort of forced myself to stop with the behavior when I started college. I physically made myself better and was very proud of myself for not needing to reach out in order to do it. I now realize I am not mentally recovered. It's been 4 years I now have an 18 month old and just started working FT again. I'm starting to do the same behaviors (minus the pills) and the baby weight I've been holding onto is just falling right off. I'm scared for myself and I don't want to risk having anything happen to me for my son. I just have no idea where to turn or I have no idea how I would ever have the time to see a therapist. I can't even fathom opening up to anyone I know about this. I'm not sure what to do.

haleyan31
Ladybugg9,

This story makes my heart break. You deserve to no longer have this ED weighing you down. I'm sorry that it has been such a long and rough journey but I am glad that you turned for help. I already shared some links to another one of your posts so I won't bore you with that information again haha.

I can only imagine how hard it is to fight the ED while taking care of a young child. Like I said, I think it would be of great help to see a therapist. Even though it seems hard to open up to somebody, they are there to listen. They are, by law, not allowed to tell anybody what you say during the sessions. As far as no time, the link I previously shared (http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment) will help to give you the best option for your situation. At those sessions, you will be able to open up and talk about whatever is on your mind. Just give it a thought!

I wanted to share this link with you. It talks about "Healthy Body Image Tips for Pregnant Women and New Mothers." http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/healthy-body-image-tips-pregnant-...

Stay Strong!

Haley

Ladybugg9
Thank you

I've given it some thought today and I've decided to at least look into some therapists in my area and while in the process do doing so I ended up emailing 3 different therapists! This is a big step for me and I keep checking my email to see of they emailed me back lol.
I'm so nervous though. I'm going through a tough time in my marriage also and do not feel the closeness to open up with my husband (possibly soon to be ex) so I don't know how I could go to therapy and keep this from him.
If I do go to therapy I think I just want my issues to stay between my therapist and I (for now). They can't legally tell anyone about my issues at all right?
Again thanks so much for your kind words.

LegacyofLove
Feeling Stuck

Ladybugg9,

I'm glad Haley's advice and guidance has helped you to reach out to get the help you completely deserve and need. I felt like you were telling my story. When I fnally decided to get help, my family helped me to put the weight back on. The only problem, was I didn't address the mental aspect of this disease and I relapsed. There's HOPE for a full recovery!

I've now been living a healthy and loving life for years now, and I know you can too with professional help, like I did! You're not alone! We're here for you!

Did you hear back from any of the therapists? You should know that you can always reach out to the confidential and supportive NEDA Helpline Team #1.800.931.2237 Mon.-Thurs. 9am-9pm/Fri. 9am-5pm (EST) to ask any questions whatsoever. They're are all trained in ED's and most have personally battled an ED too and understand the process completely!

In answer to your question about whether or not your therapist can tell anyone about the issues you're dealing with right now; you're correct, he/she cannot share anything with anyone without your permission.

Please keep us posted on your progress and let us know how we can further support you!

Healing Hugs!
Legacy of Love

Ladybugg9
One therapist actually

One therapist actually emailed me back today and I really like her profile. I think she seems like someone who I could open up to. She's calling me tomorrow around noon. I'm really nervous and don't quite know how to bring up my issues (she doesn't know the reason I'm contacting her yet). I'm guessing it'll be guided by her not just "so tell me what's wrong" lol. I think my biggest fear is that some therapist would force me to be hospitalized (I'm not at that point at all) that's just always been my fear.
I love this forum so much it has helped me take some big steps. Thanks so much xx

Ladybugg9
Also, I know this can be

Also, I know this can be normal. But since yesterday when I decided to look into therapy I've been kind of feel like im not sick enough to get the therapy because I am not nearly as skinny as I used to be and it's almost like in my head I'm like "no you dont need therapy yet" but duh I know I obviously do lol. Today I really restricted food with all of that in mind. I'm very eager for the phone call from my possible future therapist tomorrow lol.

haleyan31
Ladybugg9,

I am so happy that you reached out to some therapists! As it was said before, the therapists are legally not allowed to tell anybody about what you talk about it. This is all based on HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) -- http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/confidentiality-issues. That article has just has a little background information on the law so that you can feel as comfortable as possible (kind of boring though haha).

As far as not feeling sick enough, I know how you feel. So many people think that eating disorder victims come in one size, but this is so far from the truth. The eating disorder takes a large toll on your mental well-being. Going to a therapist will help you to open up about the thoughts that ED has been putting into your mind. I promise you that you deserve and need this step in recovery. I hope that you overcome these thoughts. I'm sorry that you've restricted but I know that talking about your problems will help. Keep me updated on your progress!

Stay Strong!

Haley

Ladybugg9
So here is my update. First

So here is my update. First therapist I emailed said she does not specialize in eating disorders. Ugh. Second therapist is from a counseling place and things are looking good. They have a lot of different therapists who specialize in everything an they are very affordable. I talked to someone from there today and the doctor can't call me until Thursday unfortunately. So now it's just a waiting game.

Ladybugg9
Sucks though. I finally reach

Sucks though. I finally reach out for help and it's taking so long. I'm afraid I'll change my mind lol.

michael26
Hi Ladybugg9!!

Hi there!!!

I think it is AMAZING that you were able to take that first step and contact some therapists!! I am sorry that there is some waiting time. I think we all have encountered that somewhere along our treatment path. Great job on not getting too discouraged from the first therapist you contacted and still seeking out information after that!!

While Thursday does seem like a bit away, it is super close!!! But in the meantime, can we think of some ways that we can keep you motivated or interested in trying therapy out? Can you maybe write down a brief story about your life and circumstances that can help you during your first session? Or you could do an inspiration board!!!!!! Those are super cool! All you need is a list of goals you would like to achieve, whether they be short term or long term. Then, after you've thought up some goals, you can write on your mirror your goals with a dry erase marker (don't worry it'll come off), then every morning you can see your goals and stay motivated!

Do you think you could try either of those? Is there anything you can think of that would help you prepare for your first session?

I hope you're well! Let me know if you need anything!

Ladybugg9
I do think I need to spend

I do think I need to spend some time preparing my thoughts! It was nerve wracking to just answer the small questions on the phone.

So another thing. I just realized it's a Chirstian based counseling center. I'm not religious at all. They aren't going to push religion on me right??? Lol.

I've been having a rough couple of days though. I just want to figure this all out.

Ladybugg9
I have an apt Monday. I'm

I have an apt Monday. I'm unsure this is the right therapist for me though and I'm thinking of canceling. She kind of seems flakey and she doesn't have eating disorders listed under her specialties. I did find another therapist a bit further from me though and have contacted her tonight.
I have to move in with my parents again.
My husband and I are separating and my life feels so out of control. I'm so happy I have my son....he's what keeps me hanging on.

haleyan31
Ladybugg9,

If you do not feel that you have the right therapist, then you should definitely seek another person for help. Being comfortable and trusting of the therapist is key! I remember when I first looked into therapy. The first person I saw was awkward, didn't know much about eating disorders, and I felt as though I had to hide things. But the next therapist I went to was amazing! I can honestly say she saved my life and I still trust her to this day.

I am so sorry that you and your husband have split. This could be the start of something amazing. I know that may be weird to hear but something good always comes out of the bad. I am glad that you have your son. Having him there to be your strength is so important.

I promise you that your life is not out of control. It only feels this way because the eating disorder. Are your parents supportive of you? I hope that they will be able to help you while you are recovering.

Stay strong! You are in control!

Haley

learningtolive2013
Ladybug, I have to say I envy

Ladybug, I have to say I envy you. I am 36 with a 10 yr old daughter, and have been dealing with bulimia (apparently I am considered anorexic too because I would restrict between b/p's) for 20 yrs. You right now have the insight to see trouble on the verge, and don't make excuses for your health. You need to get to the bottom of this drive, not just for you but your baby. Trust me, when this warps your head so deep, even wanting to live just for your child doesn't work. Please, seek out what you need, and don't be ashamed......you are a survivor. You should be proud of the strength it took to overcome the cycle, you just need the next step to deal w/ where this comes from.