National Eating Disorders Association

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spunky123
Feeling sick and isolated

Hey,

I just joined this forum-found it online, cause I needed to reach out to someone. Sorry to dump-I just can't do it alone anymore. Just started seeing a professional and finally acknowledged that I can't control my eating habits. I feel like something takes over and I can't stop eating or thinking about food. Started experiencing GI issues because of it and still can't seem to stop. Going through a number of severe stressors and am feeling alone, out of control and helpless. I know there are many out there feeling the same way and I just had to reach out, so as not to feel so incredibly alone. No support, only from therapist and feel ashamed, guilty, disgusted with myself. I got myself so sick today-changes in blood sugar levels and am having tremors due to a severe binge. This is really feeling weird, as I'm not used to sharing my feelings, especially not around my food habits. It's been developing recently, or rather, I began acknowledging it recently and this is all so new and frightening to me. I always told myself that I'm eating because I feel like it and I could stop at any time. I wish that were true. It hit me in the face when my GI doc told me to simply stop binge-eating (useful advice, huh? lol), and I simply couldn't stop. Anyhow, just wanted to reach out and feel connected to some sisters/brothers struggling with these issues. Hope I didn't bring anyone down....

Peace and Love!

dmcgowan
disgusted with myself

same deal hear - ashamed of what i do - compulsive eating is disgusting and i hate myself for it - it controls me -waiting right now for everyone to leave so I can eat without anyone seeing - i did try OA once and it did help- need motivation to go back because my ED causes me stress, anxiety, and depression (or the other way around-) so lonely We need to all hang in together-

spunky123
Hey,

Hey,
I'm soo sorry to hear we're in the same boat! I wish we weren't, but being that such is the case, I really appreciate you reaching out and talking about yourself. I needed to connect with someone going through this-on some days I feel like I'm losing my mind (and my health) and yes, sometimes I also find myself wondering about what causes what-whether the anxiety, depression, etc. cause bingeing or vice versa. Either way-yes, I get the feeling of being disgusted with oneself. On some days, I feel like jumping out of my body-I feel horrible while bingeing but can't stop. When I don't eat, I daydream about where I will be the next time I eat a meal. Having GI issues (shocker) so can't eat often, cause I start hyperventilating...could I give you a boost to go back to OA? I commend your guts-I can't get myself to take that step just yet, but I commend you for being able to put your face out there-trust me, I know it takes a lot and on some days, more than we feel we have left. Anyway, from one lonely soul to another-let's hang in there and hopefully someday we could break out of this cocoon of loneliness and look back at this time as a background in the tapestry of our lives, as opposed to the centerpiece, threatening our wellbeing.
Peace and blessings!

haleyan31
Spunky123,

I am so happy that you found this forum! We are all here to support you and want to see you recover. I'm so sorry that you feel as though you cannot talk to anybody. Nobody deserves to fight this battle alone. Heck, nobody deserves to have this disorder! I am really glad that you are talking to a therapist. I hope that has been helpful.

Have you ever given thought into inpatient treatment? I know it can be scary to think about but there, you will be surrounded by people supporting you. If you want to look more into this treatment option, check out this link which has a ton of awesome information. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/treatment

If you ever feel the need to binge, feel free to call the NEDA hotline. The trained volunteers have suffered from an eating disorder and are there to listen, give advice, and cheer you on. The number is 1-800-931-2237.

Also, if you feel the need to binge, maybe you can try something to take your mind off of it. I know it may seem impossible but maybe you could give something a try. Try to take a walk, read a book, call a friend, take a drive, take a nap, or simply sit and meditate for awhile. They may sound cheesy but give one of them a try!

If you would like to talk to somebody, one-on-one, there is NEDA navigators. The navigators are people from your area that are there whenever you need an ear to listen. You can email them if you want or talk to them in person. Either way, they will let you know that you don't have to be isolated because of this disorder: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-navigators

Again, I am so happy that you have reached out to this forum. We will always be here. I hope that you find the strength to say goodbye to the disorder once and for all. I want you to feel happy again!

Stay strong and know that you are not alone in this fight for recovery!

Haley

spunky123
Thank you soo much for your

Thank you soo much for your reply haleyan31!
Yes-joining the forum is definitely a first step in the right direction and makes me feel like a part of something, like there are people out there going through what I am and that I'm not totally crazy. I didn't consider an inpatient treatment program until now, but my bingeing episodes are escalating and I looked into some options. My issue is that I can't afford to take a break from my life for such a long time. I know it seems crazy, because I should put my recovery first, but it's not an option right now, and I'm feeling kind of stuck. I'm considering the navigator option, though, as I need to take this more seriously than I ever took it before. I went on two binges today, and everything is progressing at a really fast rate....thank you so much for the advice-I will try to distract myself. I have in the past and sometimes at least postpone the

VeracitySpeaks3.57
Brave

I just wanted to say that I think you're brave for reaching out. Bravery is resiliency. I'm glad that you're so honest, it's encouraging. Thanks!

LegacyofLove
Thank you soo much for your

Dear Spunky123,

Haley is correct! We are all here for you and want to see you recover! We know you not only deserve to live a life free of an ED, but we know you CAN do this! We're here to support you through this process.

You mentioned that you see a therapist, which is GREAT and imperative in your recovery. Has your therapist recommended a recovery plan for you, in lieu of entering an inpatient treatment program right now? I know you mentioned you can't afford to take a break from your life for such a long time. However, you may have to do that, because your health and well-being is #1. Perhaps your therapist may have a hybrid approach that may work for you. I would explore this option.

Please keep us posted, and let us know how we can continue to provide support!

Healing Hugs,
Legacy of Love

VeracitySpeaks3.57
Support

Hi Ladies,
I just wanted to write to say that you have me as a support. I understand and can relate to the feeling of not having the time to deal with it. Sometimes, it seems as though everything else is so much more of a priority. Livelihood, bills, job, family etc. I have never wanted to burden anyone anyway. Realizing that we don't have to hate ourselves but that we have to look to others for help. Sometimes there isn't a recovery group strictly for eating disorders, I know where I live, we don't have one. I don't know if this would be helpful or not. I do know that I want to be there for anyone who needs a friend. Unfortunately because I've spent so many years running from this and not dealing with it that 15 years later, I'm still battling. I haven't broken the silence many times for fear of judgement. Eating disorders have that highest mortality rate among mental illness. I would encourage you to seek counseling if you haven't already there are places that are sliding scale. I really put this off because I had excuses and reasons why I shouldn't. It just became a secret that I started to keep one day and decided to just "move on" with life. I have finally started getting help and am ready to deal with it. I hope that I can be here to help bounce off ideas, thoughts and feelings.-I've been judged for what I struggle with so, know that you won't be judge here. I am currently going through the book "the Courage to Heal" and it's workbook about sexual abuse and trauma. Often eating disorders happen right along side having been abused and traumatized. Please know that I am holding down a job and working hard but making time to work on this. I have hope now when I didn't before. It's a daily thing. Not five years from now, I will be recovered. But today, I'm trying. I hope that you are okay and that you know someone cares about you.