National Eating Disorders Association

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ready2dothis
Feel Like No Support.... :(

I recently came to the term that I have a problem and I need help. I've been battling bulimia for 5 years and 2 weeks ago,my therapist and I decided that I was going to get into the process of recovery and then last week I quit therapy. It's upsetting a bit because I reached out to my therapist to talk about everything but never got a response. A family member of mine just found out about my ED and was also trying to help. I've just confessed to my best friend that I've been battling with this. My best friend wasn't judgmental but now I feel awkward talking or being around her. I'm trying to start,but it's so hard when I feel like I have no one in my corner right now. It's so depressing,it makes me want to B/P. I know I should be recovering,but its my biggest fear but also my biggest dream. I'm sick of Mia controlling me. I wish I could talk to my therapist,but I think she's over it and over me now too! Mia keeps telling me how ugly and fat I am,that I need to fast and purge and exercise for 3 hours a day.

How has anyone else worked towards recovery?Is it a necessity to have support? Did you?
Is there hope?Should I just wait until I'm strong enough to try?
Fear of failing!!?

nanzhu
You are not alone!

ready2dothis,
First, I'm so glad you've shared your story here! Opening up about struggles is an important, but difficult, part of recovery and I am proud that you have tried talking to a few people even though you haven't gotten some of the responses you've wanted. I'm glad you've tried talking to your therapist - but when you say last week you "quit therapy" and then reached out again but didn't get a response, is it because your therapist thinks you quit the sessions completely? I would try getting in touch again - therapists' jobs are to help you out so it seems odd to me that they would not respond at all, but then again, having a connection with that therapist is just as important so you can be honest and open. Is there any way you can find a new one or talk to another professional, such as your primary care doctor?

Also, I'm glad you've shared with your friend. It's often hard for others to understand what an ED is so awkwardness can ensue, but helping explain to her how you're feeling and just stating that she is someone you are close to may help ease the discomfort. Giving her some general info on your ED and honestly saying you feel alone and just want someone to talk to can help her be compassionate and not feel like she needs to give medical advice. Other outlets can help lift some of the weight off your shoulders too - like writing down thoughts in a journal, listening to music, making art, or any other hobbies/stress relievers you have!

Here are some links that may be helpful:
Sharing with others: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sharing-eeease
General info on EDs: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/general-information
Treatment basics: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/treatment
Recovery and relapse prevention: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/recovery-and-relapse-prevention

For now, I'd encourage you to call the NEDA Helpline! 1-800-931-2237, M-R 9-9EST, F 9-5EST. You can talk to someone who may be able to point you toward other resources.

Your determination is really inspiring though - keep going! You are taking the right steps by building up a support system and I think that for most people, this type of support (especially by professionals like therapists, nutritionists, and doctors) is crucial to successful recovery and maintenance of that recovery. There IS hope and you are strong enough NOW to make these changes! Fearing failure is not uncommon but remember that the ED is often at the root of those negative feelings by trying to control you, and you can push back to become your own person again.

All the best!
Nan

blueghost04
I can understand.

Hi, I am currently working towards recovery from anorexia. I understand completely how you feel about being alone. However, I urge you to find a therapist who understands and can help you the way that works best for you! I had to switch therapists at the beginning of my treatment because we didn't "click." I am proud of you for sharing with your friend, I know I can't bring myself to do that. You are very lucky to have a friend that you trust enough to tell, and I am sure that if you ever needed to talk it out with your friend you could. If you don't feel comfortable talking with your friend can you talk to a relative? Its best not to hold it in. I did that and it was much harder to let it out when the time came.

In regards to waiting until you are stronger to get help: the longer you wait the more grasp your ED gets. I learned that the hard way. I am still learning it actually. It is better to fight the battle when you first come upon it than retreat until another day. It is also harder to fight it on your own, especially when you are feeling alone. I find that I am most vulnerable to my ED thoughts when I feel alone and as though no one understands.

Fear is normal, but fear can also be overcome. Although sometimes the ED makes us feel weak, think about how much you have already accomplished (getting on here for instance!). Please don't loose hope. From what you wrote it sounds as though you are strong and can overcome this ED!

I hope I helped. I am recovering right now as well, but your story touched me so I had to respond.

I know you can do it! Keep in mind that recovering is only your biggest dream and push back that thought that it is to be feared. There is nothing scary about being you and having no thoughts come from your ED. Hold strong to that dream to be better, picture it, strive, and you will accomplish it.