National Eating Disorders Association

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
iwanttolive
feel like I am falling

Hi. I am in my ninth month of recovery. But I am struggling. I was to just not be sometimes. My sister doesn't help with that. She always criticizes everything I do. For instance, she tries to "educate" me on how being on the computer will give me headaches and tried to tie me down to see if I will limit my time on the computer. Or, I got out a specific food and she says I don't like that kind of...or your dog has clumps, when she has very little clumps. She tells me my dogs breath smells. She tells me how to train my dog. She wanted me to guarantee her 100% that I would not die if she passes out or when she is acting funny. She has some health issues, but I told her I was not 100% sure she won't die, because she almost died a few times. But she doesn't remember those times. So she got angry when I could not tell her that I was 100% sure she would not die and told us not to call the ambulance if she collapses. I can not do that. She can tell the paramedics when they come that she doesn't want to go to the hospital but I will not sit back and watch her die.

So, I think the stress is getting to me. My therapy got difficult. Very difficult. My therapist used words that I can not handle hearing.

Being so judged by my sister, her challenging me on I don't use that product, or I would never use that. She scrutinizes me and always has to one up me. She has very little in her life and tries to do the same thing with my parents.

I just don't know what to do as I am wanting to use behaviors. I haven't had urges in eight months. And now, I want to trash the progress I have made.

hermione3
I don't have much to offer in

I don't have much to offer in advice but don't trash the work you have done it is hard work and the thing about life is it always brings us stress and issues. I hope everything works out for you and sorry about your sister situation that sounds hard I will send you hugs and know I am thinking of you.

julesthefox
You are NOT a failure! Far,

You are NOT a failure! Far, far from it! You are doing all you can to help and be responsible, not only for yourself, but for your family and the people you work with as well. I am so sorry things are so difficult right now. It's very understanding of you to note the reasons why your sister is doing this; she feels she doesn't have much, so she tries to control others. Knowing that doesn't make it much easier though. You are doing the right thing. You care about her. Think about how when we were deeper in ED how we refused help. That seems to be where she's at in her illness. But think of what would've happened if we weren't pushed to get the care we need? You are in fact showing her more love by denying her wishes in that regard. I'm sorry it is so difficult.
We are here for you. You are such a positive voice of care and inspiration on this forum. And I'm sure you're a blessing to all those around you as well. Your clients love you for a reason! You have so much going for you and so much to give, especially now in your freedom of recovery! You can make it through. You've come this far! Remember the strategies you've used to make it so far. Color you mandalas, listen to music, draw, dance, whatever makes you happy! You are worth it. And you are stronger than ever before. I believe in you. And I am here for you.
Lots of love and hugs,
Julesthefox

iwanttolive
Julesthefox

Thank you. God bless you. Your support means a lot to me. You gave me something to think about. Thanks

iwanttolive
a fighter

Hello and thank you all for your support. I have made a decision that I refuse to give into temptations and sabotaging my recovery. It took me a long time to get here and I will not allow, with the help of my biggest fan, Jesus, I will stay in the fight and not give in to my pain by using behaviors. And if I am gaining, I have to take on the attitude of So What. There are so many things in life, that I simply can not allow circumstances order me around and dictate how I will live my life. I am an overcomer, not just a survivor. Living my life in a surrendered state. I can not look to others to fill me up. That is my Savior's job. He is the One that comforts me when no one is around. He is the glory and the lifter of my head. So I walk tall and continue to fight, taking it one day at a time. God bless you all for your encouraging words to me. I don't know if you realize how much it means to me.
iwanttolive

iwanttolive
fighter

Hi. I just wanted to check in and say my procedure on my back today. It went well. w. I really don't want one but we need to do what is best do sometimes for others. Especially my Mom who has been so supportive, I want to do this for her and I am sure I will enjoy the day. But I also want you all to know that I am choosing to not fall and continue my forward walk into even further recovery. Thank you all.
iwanttolive

julesthefox
I'm so happy to hear that

I'm so happy to hear that your procedure went well and that you're continuing to be behavior free. That is incredible! You are so amazing and so strong. Despite everything going on in your life, you've said "no more!" to ED! That I truly inspirational and something I hope to be able to do someday. You give me and many others hope that it is possible. I hope you are able to continue to get stronger and that all your relationships can strengthen through your newfound freedom and spirit of power and resilience.
Love and joy be yours!
Julesthefox

iwanttolive
living with

Hi. I am just trying to figure things out. I just had a very comforting discussion with my father. He is so kind and loving and caring, although like all or us we have another side to us, as does he. At times he can be a bit rough. But we know we love each other and when dealing with my sister, he is especially sensitive. I just spoke with him about her. Since the wedding she has been out of bed, no migraines, and no serious back pain which has kept her bedbound for decades. My father believes, sadly, that when my Aunt and parents go on vacation, she will return to entombed room with her face mask on. He is very sad about that. At dinner tonight she argued with both my parents that they always shopped at a particular store but we all told her no we did not shop there. But Mary doesn't listen to reality. She lives in her own reality. She is always undermining me about what I am doing, the face cream I use, and pretty much everything.
My roommate and I and she knows we have a very dirty carpet. We thought of pulling it up as there is a nice hard floor underneath but we decided to get it cleaned. I asked her if she was going to contribute to the expenses of the cleaning. She said she doesn't care if it is dirty and she will not contribute. Then my Mom basically got very angry with me for even bringing it up to her. I am not to ask her to contribute to house hold expenses at all, ever. I found that to be very upsetting. I was scolded I feel. Why shouldn't she have to contribute to household expenses? She lives here. But she doesn't. My father reacted differently than my mom and he said he will kick in a third of the expenses, I said no you shouldn't have to. So that is why I started feeling as though I was losing ground, from anger and resentment and feeling that I am being taken advantage of, which I am. As I said in another post, I must lay this at Jesus feet because I can not carry it and He tells us to lay our burdens down at the foot of the cross, or Jesus. He will help me and I have to give up the anger or else I will fall. AND I do NOT want to fall. I hope those of you who read this that it may help you in some way with sibling relationships. I don't want to just through this at you and have it have no purpose. We can turn things over to Jesus. He wants us to and doesn't want us to remain angry. The saying goes, the anger we feel towards others is poison to us and we drink it and the other person just goes on with whatever they are doing and my, our, anger doesn't hurt them. Holding on to anger only hurts us. So I hope that after this little or big situation with my sister and my working it out here and with my father and with the help of Jesus, that it will make a difference in someone's life. Thanks for reading,
iwanttolive

julesthefox
Julesthefox again. I'm sorry

Julesthefox again. I'm sorry things don't seem to go well between you and your sister. It can be so hard when family members don't get along. I love your perspective on it, though: to let go of anger. It's true. It's okay to get upset, especially at injustice. But it is also important to understand and forgive. When we hold onto anger, we are only hurting ourselves. By allowing ourselves to see other perspectives, understand, and let go, we help elicit solutions we may not have seen in our anger as well as allow ourselves the freedom of peace. I'm so happy for you that you've been able to do that in your life. I truly hope things get better between you and your sister. I hope she can understand why it is important that she take care of herself and help around the house as she is able. And I hope you both find healing in your ailments so that added stress can be eliminated and you can work on strengthening your relationship. I'm so glad your parents are so helpful and supportive. I believe in you.
You are strong and beautiful always.