National Eating Disorders Association

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girl99
ED for over 20 years...

Anyone made a full recovery after 20 years of ED?

iwanttolive
girl99

Hi there!!!!!))))))

Yes. I suffered from self harm and the various eating disorders, primarily anorexia for thirty years. I was hospitalized twenty five times and in numerous day programs and half way houses. But....

I have been in recovery for nine and a half months. Recovery is possible. I would love to share more but I have to take a shower and get ready for church. I am so glad you posted and I am glad to tell you than many of us here on the forum can tell you that they too are inn recovery, some for three years. Take courage, recovery is possible.

I am sorry you have struggled for so long. I'll be back.

iwanttolive
girl99

Hi. It is iwanttolive again. I have some time before I go to church. My journey has been long and difficult. I know that my parent's support and love, and my faith in Jesus sustained me during this very long journey. Some of my hospitalizations lasted one year, then a day program, others six months, others just a few weeks.

As time went on, and I am turning fifty in one week, I mourn how much I lost to the eating disorder. I am not a typical fifty year old. Never really dated, or joining of friends in high school, missing so much school I graduated uneducated. I missed out on the natural development one my age usually goes through.

Realizing all of this and the fact that my self harm was dangerous and how close to death I was, never even now realizing how ill I was, I knew I didn't want to live that life anymore. I have a therapist who has strict boundaries, which at first really bothered me but I have been with her for a year now, and I am realizing how much she has helped me. And I really like her.

I was always afraid of food, but there were months when I was a compulsive binger, also bulimia and primarily anorexia. I would be asking my mother what we were having for dinner before I ever ate breakfast. Now, I do not need to scrutinize what is being put in my food, am able to eat out and pretty much am able to eat without fear. SO AMAZING!!!! Living without that fear has really changed my life. I also destroyed my scale. I've done that before, but this time it is for good. We YOU are not what you weigh. To have to compulsively weigh myself, and to focus so much on my body, I just started to believe in who I am and what Jesus says about me.

It has not been a quick recovery. But once I started and posting here supporting others and getting support, and after nine months of being behavior free, I don't want to lose that. I have recently come close due to my relationship with my sister who moved in to our house which we rent from my parents, I decided it more important to maintain my recovery, in part because of being here on the NEDA forums. I also don't want a momentary relief of pain from self harm, which won't last, to push through and not act out was more important. I want to stress that without God and the help of Jesus, I would not be alive. He has a purpose for me, for each of us, I want to finish what He wants me to do.

I hope this adds insight for you. Can you tell us something about yourself? This is a very supportive place to be and all of us understand each other as we have been or are there. So I hope to see you again.
iwanttolive

chunkymonkey68
In College i had ED-NOS, B4 a Career, after Post Grad Again...

Its an emotional drain on me too. I am always watching how much i eat and always wishing i could eat all the things i see.

I feel like I have deprived myself of pleasure since my 1st diet days during college. My body image began as an athlete around age 12 and then again in college and after grad school again relapsed from a career breakdown and a major relationship that ended w/ my hopes of a nice marriage and future after dating him all during college in ruins.

So then moved back home and remained at parents home while returning to my old job after numerous career interviews also were a major flop.

My failures led to ED relapses each time...My accomplishments seem so minimal compared to how many career failures and relationships have also not gone so well for me in life so far.

Loneliness hurts, as does not being able to follow up grad school w/ the career which i had trained for.

Having to return to my 1st post college job also put me back 5 yrs when ED was more active during undergrad years before my 1st college graduation.

Furthermore I am currently just surviving and not really living my life. My job does not pay well.

Im not doing what I trained to do best, chat on the phone for 8 hrs a day and help make a difference as a professional telephonic referrals counselor for a huge place in the very awesome big city which I so would have love to commute too daily too.