National Eating Disorders Association

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CaptainJigglypuff
DOn't have an ED but I have some body image issues....

My dad keeps saying that I'm getting chubby but I don't look like I am and I know my weight is healthy but he keeps saying it. The other problem I'm starting to have is that I am a gay man and no one will ever talk to me after an average of two weeks. My area has so very few places where I can meet other gay men and only one gay bar in my town. Whenever I go to the bar, I always end up being alone and no one even talking to me except an occasional drunk girl. I have depression which I know can factor in developing an ED and it always gets worse whenever I get rejected. I'm actually afraid to make new friends because I always get abandoned for no apparent reason at all and no one ever tells me why they abandon me. It makes me REALLY sad and it keeps happening to me. Every time some guy contacts me, I get excited and then I begin to get paranoid that the guy will abandon me too. It's an awful feeling. I don't know what to do and would like some advice please.

michael26
Hey there!!

Hey!!! Thank you so much for trusting these forums with your situation and your thoughts!!! I hope that I can be of some help!

I'm sorry that it has been difficult to find relationships in your area. I can relate on the loneliness that you have expressed. I think during times where we struggle to find people to truly appreciate us for who we are, we can actually start working on ourselves and our perception of ourselves. We need to be strong within ourselves of who we are.

Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Therapy is a non-judgmental environment that will always accept you. And your therapist can help you develop and understand who you are and become stronger. Would you feel comfortable trying out a therapist? If you are not sure where you can find one the NEDA Helpline can help!! All's you need to do is call 1-800-931-2237 and a representative will be there to help you!

I hope that this is a good place to start our conversation! Please let me know if you have any questions!

CaptainJigglypuff
I have a therapist but I see

I have a therapist but I see her about every other week. The thing is mainly how my dad says that I'm "chubby". I'm a bit overweight but some of that is due to my martial arts training. And I have also SI in the past which I know makes me even MORE vulnerable. I just feel like my weight is the reason why no one wants me.

michael26
Finding our Voice

Hey!

That's awesome that you've been seeing a therapist! Have you been able to discuss these body image related concerns with her? I think that it would be of great benefit to be able to trust her with these feelings.

Have you ever heard of thought challenging? It is a CBT skill that helps us find our own truth and our own voice. There will always be outside messages that come in and try to influence the way we think about ourselves. Sometimes these messages or doubts come from the inside. But, the important thing to know is that there is a way to separate what is true about ourselves and the other stuff. I know that it is really hard to hear your dad say those things to you, but you have already provided many examples of how untruthful it is what he said. The thing to do next is to hold on to the truth that you know about yourself and never let anything change that.

I know my words can only go so far, but I know that you are strong and that the negative thoughts you have are not part of you or your truth. You are a person who is worthy and deserving of happiness. You are desirable because of your honesty.

Have you heard of the NEDA Navigators program? It is composed of a group of recovered volunteers who are here to help support you in a private, one-on-one way! Here's a link to learn more!

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-navigators

I hope this helps!! Please let me know if you have any questions!