National Eating Disorders Association

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eserpa
Doctor told me my weight

Hi I'm Emily. I'm Almost 25 and have struggled with anorexia since I was 14. For the last four years, I've been doing ok, as close to "remission" that is possible as a matter of fact. Lately I know that I've gained and I have been trying not to focus on it, I've been trying to focus on the great things my body can do and have been hiking, lifting weights, etc. Anyway, I went to the doctor today for other causes of anxiety, and am resuming anxiety medication. When I was leaving, they handed me my discharge paperwork with my weight right at the top of the page. I have avoided my weight for three years. I step on scales backwards, I tell nursing my history. I do everything possible to avoid knowing that number. Now I feel lost, and broken, and don't know how I am going to continue to be healthy. Any help would be greatly appreciated because I have no idea what to do.

iwanttolive
eserpa

Hi Emily. First, welcome to the forum. First I want to congratulate you on the four years of recovery. That is awesome. I am so sorry that you saw your weight. It can really as you know, be very upsetting. I do not want to trivialize the impact this has had on you, but you have been at least somewhat comfortable with your body before you saw the number, am I correct in assuming this? Is it possible to just kick ED in the head and tell it that you won't let it drag you down? That you won't allow a number define who you are. You have been doing so well. I know it is difficult to after so many years to see the number. I tend to want to see mine, but everyone is different. You can still do all those wonderful things you enjoy, swim, hike, lifting weights. Getting on an anti anxiety medication could be helpful if your doctor thinks so. But fight with all you've got not to let ED to get back in and take over again. I will say a prayer for you and hope that you post again. I have suffered for three decades and am only in recovery for six months but that has been six months freedom from the eating disorder running my life. I hope you are able to kick ED and not fixate on the number because really nothing has changed from the moment you saw your weight from the moment you didn't know your weight. With care,
iwanttolive