National Eating Disorders Association

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So last year i dealt with disordered eating and excessive exercising, theres a lot of back story to this that I'm going to pass over.
When i have dieted i know i get into a cycle of self-hate, over exercising and eating a restrictive diet.
I don't think i've ever been more unhappy. When i was 19 i needed to lose weight because i was unhappy and at an unhealthy weight for my frame.
I spent almost a year changing my lifestyle and working my way down to a healthy weight. About a year or two passed and i had gained a small portion of the weight back. I had been eating well, exercising regularly and feeling great. But that number caused me such anxiety and started my disordered eating. i'm now 23 and I haven't weighed or measured myself in about 10 months which was/ is difficult at times.
I recently had a death in my family so the last two months I've stopped exercising and taking care of myself.
I feel i have gained a little bit of weight and want to lose it. I have no idea where to start or what i should be doing.
I don't want to go back to a scale, i don't want to hate my body again and i don't want to lose a large sum of weight.
Does anyone have any helpful suggestions about what i can do or how i can handle this?
Because thinking about losing that small amount makes me already start calorie counting and resuming other ED behaviors.
Thank you in advance!

Edited Post

Hi FearfullyMade,

Welcome to the forums! Portions of your post were edited in order to adhere to the Community Guidelines. We avoid discussing specific numbers such as weights and calories because some posters find them triggering. The rest of our Community Guidelines can be found here:

Again, welcome to the forums and please continue to share your story!

-NEDA Moderator