National Eating Disorders Association

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hermione3
In denial and should be more concerned...

I cancelled with my old doctor and it feels right. This new doctor seems way more able to assess my needs. I should be more concerned that that my heart is working too hard and my blood pressure sitting wasn't great then standing it dropped. I have blood work scheduled for next week and looking for a place to get an EKG it's difficult with my work schedule. But she is concerned with my heart rate. I should be more concerned but in denial a bit.

kayleigh91
Trust

Hey hermoine! I think the most important thing to remember is that you can trust your recovery team. They have gone through rigorous schooling and have been doing this for awhile. And remember your health is so important! The money you are earning at your job will be put to much better use when you can spend it healthily! Taking care of your health now will save you in the long run!

hermione3
thank you for your kind words

thank you for your kind words. I do have to trust the professionals and listen to her concerns and take them seriously instead of just brushing it off as pretty normal i feel what i am experiencing is not a big deal but i know it could turn into a bigger deal so i should just listen to what they have to say.

London1621
Hi

I wanted to say I hope you will be ok soon and sending you hugs.

hermione3
Thank you for the hugs. I am

Thank you for the hugs. I am having blood work done next week and still looking for somewhere to just get an ekg my hospital does it but when I am at work it's so quick but my schedule just sucks...but I am hoping all is well with that stuff. I didn't expect my doctor to want to see me every 3 to 4 weeks I never took it that serious my last doctor would see me but not do much. Happy for the change in doctor my new one seems much more caring and equipped to handle my eating disorder. She said she will care until I do about my health.

hermione3
Saw my nutritionist today and

Saw my nutritionist today and i lost which i don't even understand because i have been following my meal plan since at least Sunday I guess its only a few days and i didn't do well while away but followed my friends lead. I think she was just trying to save money my nutritionist said i should have just said i needed to eat something at lunch even if she didn't want anything...I know she is right and i should have done that. I am tired and fighting a cold and have been for 3 weeks but it is just a cold my immune system is not that great probably due to my eating disorder. i also work in a daycare so the kids are always sick and i get sick so easily...

lovetowrite81
Hermione3

Hi Hermione- just wanted to say hello & offer my support <3 I'm proud of you for doing your best with following your meal plan! In terms of reflecting on your vacation- It's good that you're able to be aware of what you could do differently next time, but try not to dwell in the past. All we can do is move forward- try to take it one step at a time, one moment at a time :) I hope your cold goes away soon! How has everything been going at work?

hermione3
Thanks for the support.

Thanks for the support. Following my meal plan is hard and I have been weighing myself but I am not gaining surprisingly and I don't know why I am trying so hard but part of me is happy about that... I feel sick everyday and that is making it harder. I am not that motivated at work which is sad and I am struggling with that I am still working hard I think it's because I feel so sick. I am getting blood work this week so I should hear back from my doctor and schedule my next appointment.....

lovetowrite81
Hermione3

I know it is so hard to follow the meal plan but I am proud of you for sticking to it- even if you are not seeing results right away. If you are sticking to what is recommended, it should come:) Try to be gentle with yourself as you keep moving forward. I'm so sorry you are continuing to feel sick. Hang in there this week & keep us posted <3

hermione3
Thanks i will keep trying i

Thanks i will keep trying i know i should ditch the scale and part of me is happy the number is not going up even though i am following my meal plan.I have to keep at it though and keep following my meal plan i don't see my nutritionist this week but next it has to be up by then. I am sick still which sucks. i have blood work this week then I think i will schedule an appointment with my new doctor she wants to see me every 3 to 4 weeks which still surprises me ...

hermione3
Weighed myself today big

Weighed myself today big mistake I am not happy with the number and this makes me not fully follow my meal plan. I am nervous to get labs because if they are fine I will easily say I am fine and have no problems. Ugh I hate eating disorders

iwanttolive
hermione3

Hi hermione3. Weighing yourself right now is the worst thing you can be doing. You need to gain. When you see that you have drives you back into behaviors. That is not good. Is there anyway you can get rid of your scale? It is really hurting your recovery and your chances for recovery. It seems to me from what you have been posting that the scale will keep you from moving forward. You really have to decide if you want to move forward. I think that is where it is at for you right now. Do you want to recover? That is only something you can answer. Again, I do not want you to think I am being mean. I am not. I ask because I care and I know the power of the eating disorder. What do you think?

hermione3
I want to be happy and that

I want to be happy and that probably means recovery and I know the scale is stopping me I need to get rid of it I just don't know how I just want to know the number when for years I was just trusting my team...I get blood work Thursday I am sure it will be fine probably low iron I always have that my last doctor did not help much with that in telling me just to eat iron enriched foods I was like thanks...and to take iron which I already am... this new doctor I feel will be more helpful but I have to schedule my next appointment with her soon probably after the blood work as it was every 3 to 4 weeks...it took a week to schedule blood work if I don't want to wait forever I am going before work. I know ditching the scale has to happen I just fear my weight will shoot up fast...

hermione3
Trying not to weigh myself is

Trying not to weigh myself is hard and just trusting my body and professionals. My psychiatrist said I was too thin last night and asked if I am truly eating. I am eating the best I can and mostly following my meal plan. I have to fast for blood work tomorrow which will be hard before work I hope it is timely and I have time for breakfast at work when I get there. I hope to schedule another appointment with my new doctor soon as she seems knowledgeable and she said every 3 to 4 weeks and 3 weeks will be next week. I have been unable to find somewhere to get an ekg I don't know why it's so hard...

Carol1234
Hey hermione3, how's it been

Hey hermione3, how's it been going since you posted earlier today? Trying not to weigh yourself is so hard! Keep fighting though, I'm rooting for you! Were you able to be honest with your psychiatrist last night about your eating? Also, it sounds like you like your new doctor; it's always good to have a great doctor on your side. Good luck scheduling your next appointment with her and also scheduling the ekg.

hermione3
thanks i was honest with my

thanks i was honest with my psychiatrist and i saw my therapist tonight too who set me straight about how she will not see me if i choose my eating disorder like she says she cares she has put 10 years into this and cares about me but if i choose my eating disorder i am choosing it over everything...i have my blood work tomorrow so i should hear from my doctor to set up our next appointment after that comes in.i am yet to find somewhere to get an EKG hope i find somewhere soon...

iwanttolive
hermione3

Hi. Are you afraid? I would be. Do you know what you are going to do? Do you realize that your therapist loves and cares for you and that is why she is saying what she is saying? Sometimes, we trick ourselves into thinking we want to get better but our actions say otherwise. It seems as though you have some very important decisions to make. We are here for you and I am cheerleading you to choose life. I am truly sorry it has been so difficult for you and that the eating disorder has such power. But...in reality, it is us who have the power and Jesus helps me a lot in this area, and not the eating disorder. The eating disorder wants us to believe it is stronger, but that is a lie. You have to come to that decision for yourself though. To decide who is stronger, you, or the eating disorder. I urge you to not listen to the lies of the eating disorder. You are a lovely person and care about people. You have had a difficult life. Yes. But, today can be the start of a new day and you can make different choices and make choices that bring life to your body. I will say a prayer for you right now. I wish you the best.
iwanttolive

hermione3
Thanks for the support I know

Thanks for the support I know why my therapist is saying it she said she is going to fire me basically if I choose my eating disorder over everything else I don't want that.i am afraid of everything of recovery of letting go of weighing myself and trusting in the professionals. Holidays are especially hard for me and struggling with a lot of stuff right now but I have to just push through and follow my meal plan and trusting my nutritionist that she knows what I should weigh. It's just so difficult. So much struggle. But thank you for caring it means a lot.

lovetowrite81
Hermione3

Hi Hermione3-
Just wanted to show my support as well & say that I am thinking of you <3 It's so hard- to let go, to trust. Recovery is scary. But you are pushing through. Even if you're not at the point of full surrender, you are pushing through with your meal plan. It's all about the small steps we can make, one day at a time. The holidays are a really difficult time- I think many of us here can relate with that. But we will get through. We care about you!

hermione3
Thanks for the support. Yes

Thanks for the support. Yes holidays are difficult and am having a hard time just trusting and letting go especially of the scale I know i have to follow my meal plan my therapist said that is part of the work I have to be doing or I lose it all including her. I had my bloodwork today hope that went well part of me hope something is off so I can think of it as serious and just do the right things...everyday is a struggle.

kayleigh91
Scale

Hey Hermoine! One of the best things my husband said to me when I was going through recovery and weighing myself was when I was really upset by the number on the scale. He said, "you were fine before you knew the number." I nodded. "So if you feel fine before seeing that number, why would you weigh yourself to feel bad?" I always think about that moment when I get tempted to see the number. I've been in recovery for 6 years now, but I avoid the scale still.

Hope This Helps! KayLeigh

hermione3
Thanks true if i stand on it

Thanks true if i stand on it adn see the number i will make myself unhappy no matter what the number. my nutritionist has a number in mind and she said i will be ok with it and she is sure because i have been the number before not that i am ever happy with any number but no one on my treatment team tells me the number so i will never know if i don't weigh myself. it really does hold me up because i want to lose it or stay the same or not gain when i am supposed to be gaining...its so hard...