National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
confused

Hi guys, (gals),

I am in a place where I should be so happy. But I am depressed. First I am so exhausted. Second, so many good things happened this week. I am going back to work. I am able to get my former client back. A question mark on the other but when I got home from the office I received a letter from that client and it is such a beautiful card. In it she and her dog said they missed me, wanted to know when I was returning to work because they only want me. The office said if her current aide didn't work out for some reason they would put me back on her case. SO. That was good news. As she is private pay she should be able to tell the office that she wants me back. Their concern is she needs stability and when I read what she stated in the card the office girl said she wasn't sure. SO I am waiting to hear back regarding her.

I had such an awful dream last night regarding a girl shoving food up inside herself. It was horrible. I told my therapist about it and she thinks it is all tied up with the eating disorder history and my morbid fear of sex and sexuality.

Then just an hour ago I learned a very dear elderly man at my church died last night. He was in his eighties, and his wife if frail but she will probably die serving the homeless. She never stops even with twenty plus stiches in her head from when she fell, the next day she was at the church, cooking and serving. My fear is that she will die soon.

But since I got word about work, returning Monday, getting a very nice new used car, and getting such a lovely note from my client, former, I should be happy, but I am depressed.. She said, my therapist, that it is good that I am not all happy clappy because she wants my moods to stabilize. I was very excitable yesterday and the day before, but now I am depressed, mood dysregulation.

Anyways, I don't want to take up any more of your time. Thank you for reading this.

I just remembered. I am not allowed to drive still. I have to go to this driving school and be evaluated to see if I am safe on the road. It may be another month before I can drive, or more.

The dream really upset me. I am going to bed soon as I am sooooo tired. Thanks

London1621
Hugs

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time right now. I hope you will be ok. Lots of hugs.

Savedbygrace
How are you feeling today?

How is everything going? How are you feeling?

iwanttolive
Feeling

I can living in feelings can be a rollercoaster. Better than yesterday but had another terrible dream of myself doing serious self harm. It seems so real I was devastated that I lost all the ground I have been recovering from. So glad it was only a dream. My former dietician will be having me do a video on my recovery. It will go on some media outlet not sure what. So I am excited about that. I have lived with dysthimia all my life so I always

iwanttolive
Part

Have a low level of depression but I don't think O am in major depression now thank You God. So overall I am doing okay. Thanks for asking. iwanttolive