National Eating Disorders Association

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runningqueen20
confused

When I was 14, i started having some stomach problems. Everything i ate made me sick. I become so afraid of food that i just began to eat less and less. I started losing a lot of weight in a short period of time, especially because i was on the track team and ran miles everyday. but soon, it turned into an eating disorder. i felt guilty every time i ate and I struggled everyday with what i was going to eat. However,my parents and i were convinced that this was happening because of some underlying stomach issue. but after having several tests done to find the cause of my stomach issues and nothing coming out positive, my parents finally took me to an outpatient eating disorder clinic where i met with a nutritionist and therapist. While the nutritionist did help me, I lied to my therapist and to myself about my real feelings so i stopped seeing her. I continued to see the nutritionist and eventually i gained some weight back. Once this happened i stopped going to the nutritionist but my parents wanted to try another therapist. However, i lied to that one too, refusing to express my real feelings and unhealthy behavior with food. So as a result i stopped seeing this therapist after a few months. I continued to have unhealthy eating behaviors but i maintained my weight. Now i am in college and i feel like i am starting to go to my old ways with restricting and feeling a massive amount of guilt. Its hard to eat healthy here so my old eating habits are returning. I am just confused because i don't know if i need help or not. I think all the stress of college is what is making it worse. I feel like i am stuck. I don't want to tell my mom because i have already been through treatment and I don't want to put my parent through that again. but i am really struggling. anybody have any ideas about what i should do?

Thanks.

nanzhu
It's never too late

Hi runningqueen20,
First of all, thanks for sharing your story here on the forums - it sounds like you've had a lot of ups and downs in dealing with your eating disorder, but it takes a lot of courage to face it and share what you've been through!

I think that it's totally normal to find it hard to talk about something so personal, even with treatment providers like your nutritionist and therapist in the past, especially since eating disorders can have such a strong grasp on your habits and thoughts. But always remember - it's NEVER too late to start your journey to recovery and you CAN overcome an eating disorder, no matter how long you've had it for or what you have tried in the past.

It's also really thoughtful of you to think about your parents, but I do think that telling them the truth and just what you wrote here is a big step in the right direction. It sounds like you have good insight and sharing with people close to you can help you stay on track and find treatment options for you. There are a lot of different choices and below are some links that might be helpful. The NEDA Helpline is another great resource that you can call for more information: 1-800-931-2237. The NEDA Navigators program can also help match you up with someone who has also been affected by an eating disorder, who can offer you support and help with finding resources as well: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-navigators.

Sharing with ease: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sharing-eeease
Recovery and relapse prevention: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/recovery-and-relapse-prevention
Developing positive body image: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/developing-and-maintaining-positi...
Find treatment: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment
Seeking and securing treatment: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/seeking-and-securing-treatment
Recovery: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/recovery

I hope this helps - stay strong!
Nan