National Eating Disorders Association

11 posts / 0 new
Last post
missy33
Confused

So I have EDNOS, but it is not very severe, but it is really affecting me and how I perceive things in life. I want to get better, but a large part of me doesn't. I am going to counseling and such, but I just feel like hope is lost. I go from restricting to bingeing and it is a vicious cycle that I hate; but I can't stop. Things have been just getting worse, and I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions mainly for how to stop bingeing and also thoughts on the idea of stopping therapy for a little while until I figure out what is best?. Thanks.

toomanythoughts
someone to relate to

hey missy33, i have a lot of the same issues as you. I also struggle with endos and go days of restricting and over exercising to bingeing uncontrollably. so trust me when i say, i understand how hard it is physically and mentally, though it is of course different for everyone. but i, too, feel like it has affected nearly every aspect of my life. I just want to start by saying that i am not a medical professional nor have ever been treated for my eating disorder, so this is mainly just my opinion and letting you know that there are others out there that can relate to you and support you.

I just want to start by saying that even if you don't think so, or because you're not drastically underweight does not mean that your condition is not severe and could have immediate or long-term health complications, so don't think that what you're dealing with is not serious. secondly, im curious does the counselor youre seeing know about you eating issues and are they specialized in treating eating disorders? because talking to someone is a really important first step in recovery, so i would encourage you not to give up on it because in the end, although its a little hypocritical of me to say, recovery is the only real option. If your counselor doesn't know or isnt specialized in eating disorders I would suggest either telling him/her or seeking a different counselor rather than stopping therapy because eating disorders are very hard to deal with, especially alone. also, i know how horrible bingeing can make us feel, especially when it feels out of control, but a lot of times its more complex than just having will power of "staying strong" its actually something that goes off in the brain saying it needs to keep eating to prepare for the next span of starvation, and this can only really be fixed with recovery.

I hope this helps a little, even though i know its not an answer to anything. I cannot force you to stay in therapy, but you should be really proud of yourself for taking first steps in getting better because you deserve to feel better physically and mentally.

missy33
Thank you so much

Thank you so much toomanythoughts. Your message was really helpful! Thanks so much! I do want to get better, but I feel I am not ready yet. it is nice that I can relate to someone else through this time. and yes, she does specialize in eating disorders, along with the dietitian. I just don't know if I want to continue seeing the dietitian, because she has me changing my eating habits, and it is sparking up so many emotions and such.
Are you seeing someone for ednos, or do you still feel comfortable like me to keep ed around?

eghall
Don't try it alone

Toomanythoughts said it well - recovery is the only option and all EDs are serious. I agree that it's important to stay in therapy. If you aren't connecting with your therapist, NEDA can help you find one that specializes in EDs. Recovery can't be done alone so staying with some sort of treatment professional is important.

Toomanythoughts, I can tell you have a strong grasp on how important recovery is and how great a life of recovery can be. What can we do to help you take that next step? Would you like us to help you find a therapist to talk to?

I believe in both of you and your abilities to get well!

missy33
eghall: I get along with my

eghall: I get along with my therapist and dietitian really well, it is just me who isn't ready to change; and I feel I am just letting them and everyone else down, but I cannot change, at least not yet.

eghall
I understand

I understand what you are feeling. Recovery can be a long road, so when we don't make progress as fast as we think we should, we feel we are disappointing everyone. The truth is, the path to recovery looks different for everyone. Some people dive right into recovery and others go slow. Some relapse, others don't. The road is yours alone and the fact that you are even speaking with a therapist is huge! You aren't letting anyone down. That is your ED telling you that, so that you will feel like a failure, quit recovery and go back to it. Keep up the good work.

missy33
Ok, thanks! I want to recover

Ok, thanks! I want to recover, but right now it seems to hard. But I know I shouldn't stop recovery.

toomanythoughts
missy33, I'm sure talking to

missy33, I'm sure talking to a dietician is very hard, i cant imagine having someone try to change all my eating habits and taking the control away from me, even though i'm sure one day it will be a reality for me as well. I know it must be so hard, but it only gets easier as you stick with it, id assume, though i of course cant speak from personal experience. my best advice would be to try to look at how far you've come rather than how far you still have to go. As for me, i have not yet started to talk to someone other than a first step email to a few eating disorder specialists to set up a session. I'm definitely still battling with seeking recover and holding on to my ed though, i know i want to recovery one day, of course, ill have to realistically speaking, but i dont know if that day is in the very near future or not still.

eghall, yes i do understand the importance of recovery and i do know that what i'm doing to my body is unhealthy, its just still hard to take steps toward recovery, especially when im finally starting to get my control back and see results again because its like positive reinforcement on a bad thing. I've already begun searching/setting up meetings with a couple of eating disorders specialists, but I'm not sure if and when I will actually begin therapy, so i dont think there is much anyone can do, because ultimately i know it will have to be my decision and its like i only want recovery when i lose control and binge but i will only let myself recover when im "skinny enough" and not bingeing, its a horrible cycle really. Thank you for everything though.

eghall
I know it's easier said than done but...

I remember all too well feeling the exact same way you do now. I was angry and frustrated with the entire recovery process. But what I found was that if I just did the actions, the poitive thoughts eventually followed. Not immediately, but eventually. I know you are resistant and that is common. It's how the majority feel when first entering recovery. I, however, am proud of you for talking with someone and even setting up meetings. That's one of the hardest steps and you have already done it. You will find recovery and I have no doubt you will go on to inspire others.

eghall
I know it's easier said than done but...

I remember all too well feeling the exact same way you do now. I was angry and frustrated with the entire recovery process. But what I found was that if I just did the actions, the poitive thoughts eventually followed. Not immediately, but eventually. I know you are resistant and that is common. It's how the majority feel when first entering recovery. I, however, am proud of you for talking with someone and even setting up meetings. That's one of the hardest steps and you have already done it. You will find recovery and I have no doubt you will go on to inspire others.

missy33
I really hope for the best

I really hope for the best for you toomanythoughts. you seem like a strong person who is going to overcome your ed. I believe in ya! and thank you for the kind and strong words. I feel like I can stick with recovery, but that big part of me just wants to give up and stay with my ed. it just seems much easier that way.