National Eating Disorders Association

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So I went to the store two weeks ago (crazy but Ed told me to do so) and weighed myself. I have been subconciously restricting foods in my diet. My ED thoughts this week and body image have been awful. And my nutritionist said that I need to "restore" my weight. I can't stand hearing the word "restore" because it makes me think if gaining weight. She said that I need to follow the same meal plan that I was following when I was in a malnourished state. I look at myself and I feel that I have stayed the same weight. I feel like everyone is lying to be and that I am going to be fat. I went right after my nutrition appt so it wasn't like it was a different time. I am having so much trouble and don't know what to do.

I know it is hard...

I hear that you are struggling right now, ED is a powerful force and it is often difficult to deny it.
Remember that, as strange as it may be to accept, your eating disorder gives you a distorted self image and perception of reality. The people around you can see you better than you can and your nutritionist knows what your body needs better than your eating disorder voice ever could.

Please listen to the people who care about you and try to remember why you started recovery.
For me, it was for my little siblings and for my mother.
and for me too.
Try to think about what you started fighting back for. It may help

Look... I want you to know that life without ED does exist and it is better than anything we live now.
You just have to keep fighting back and I promise you, you will start to grasp it.
I know it's hard to believe in something you can neither see nor touch but full recovery is out there waiting for you!
Don't you remember when you where young and you didn't give a damn about anything?when mirrors were friendly and your body was an extension of your being, not an object to be formed and deformed? - you could have that again! WE could have that again!
Just keep up the good fight, take care of you - I know you know how.
Just remember your recovery strategies, remember your reasons, and remember what recovery can do for you.

P.S. If you haven't tried it already, I have a recovery calendar with little star stickers I get to stick on every day I don't self harm. (starving, purging, ect.) This helps me get through the day sometimes.
Anyways, good luck, friend.

Stay safe, stay sane.


Hi Cait88, sorry to hear you

Hi Cait88, sorry to hear you are struggling. I agree with LucyBee. The eating disorder completely distorts reality. It’s so difficult for yourself and your body as others do because of the distortion. For this reason and many others, relying on and trusting your treatment team - who have your best interests at heart - is crucial in recovery. They would not lie to you, but do tell you hard things because they care. I encourage you to follow their advice with the meal plan, but also to be kind to yourself! Also wanted to pass along some helpful tips for increasing positive body image found here:
I wish you the best!