National Eating Disorders Association

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Advice for supporting my gf during recovery

My girlfriend is pretty open about her ED. Even before we started dating she had told me about it, and many of her friends had known too. She has a private account where she’ll post however she’s feeling during the day and today she posted about how she’s gaining weight in an area of her body that she feels insecure about. As someone with anxiety and depression, I’ve done the same thing simply to vent and sometimes don’t want anyone who sees it to acknowledge what I’ve posted. And at the same time, there are moments where I wish someone would reach out, but I just am unable to start that conversation one on one with anyone. I’ve always preferred talking and expressing concern or encouragement in person in comparison to over text, but if still feel the need to text her when she feels this way but I don’t want it to come off fake or not genuine. Should I respond, and if yes, how should I? I don’t want to make the situation worse, but I still want her to know I support and love her.

To simplify, if my girlfriend were to post something on a private account to vent about how her ED is making her feel, should I text her about it? And if so, what should I say that can be supportive and show her how much I love her? And what should I avoid saying?

Responding, how should we ??


A lot of people find it easier to express themselves in writing, so I understand what you mean about private accounts. So I guess what I'd ask is how private ? Can everyone see what she's written ? Is she interested in anyone seeing it at all ?

If you two get together in person, and she's OK taking about things when you do, then that's probably going to a good way to communicate.

But yes, what about her writings ? (Do you think shk'swriting them mostly for you to see ?)

I have a number of people I talk with on the phone or on Instant Message or through e-mail, but who also post things relating to their mental health on Facebook or other types of forums where others can see what they wrote. . In instances like that, I usually just leave a "like", simply to let them know that I've read what they have to say. That they've "been heard", if you know what I mean ? When we get together later in ways where we can talk more extensively, then perhaps we'll talk more about what was in their writings.

But if they are just "putting it out there", so to speak, mostly I'll just acknowledge that I saw it. If the platform they are using allows that I mean.

Not sure if that answers your question, or if that's the same sort of situation you're in. Like sometimes people just want to be heard, and not get a whole lot of feedback. Or at least not right at that moment, you know ?

Give love and support

You could send her a message saying something like "I saw your post. I want you to know that I care about you (regardless of what you weigh) and I'm here if you ever want to talk." You can tailor the message so it sounds like something you would say. Basically it's an invitation for her to vent if she thinks that talking would help. And if she doesn't want to talk about it, she can simply say nothing, but she will feel valued and heard either way.