National Eating Disorders Association

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PxmpkinSpice
Struggling

In my last post I talked about wanting to tell my parents about my anorexia. Last Friday, the 24th, I told my mom. She told me that she didn’t believe me because I ate, but she reluctantly agreed to get me a therapist. I have yet to hear an update on that. Just because I eat doesn’t mean I eat enough or at all when am I am by myself. I have always been a picky eater, and I’ve always eaten around friends and family to hide my eating disorder, so it hurts to see her not support me and also not believe me. Along with this, since I’m picky, when I refuse to try or eat something my mom now says “this is why you don’t eat,” publicly in front of the rest of my family. I now feel like in order to show her I’m not lying to her, I need to lose a tremendous amount of weight again, and I’m struggling with how to cope. I lost my appetite even more especially since I just recently experienced a breakup and am depressed. I no longer want to recover, but want to at the same time.

_admin_moderator
Dear PxmpkinSpice

We are so sorry to hear you are struggling and wanted to encourage you to reach out to our NEDA Helpline. It is confidential and our trained volunteers can help you find more resources and support in your area. They are available by phone at 800.931.2237 M-Th 11am-9pm ET and F 11am-5pm ET. You can also chat online M-Th 9am-9pm ET and F 9am-5pm ET. Know that you are not alone and that there are people here to support you! Stay well and take care!

Annet
Hi PxmpkinSpice,

Hi PxmpkinSpice,

I can imagine how terrible you feel BUT I want you to know that it is very common for parents to NOT see and accept the reality. Most of them never think an eating disorder can happen within their family.

Are you still a student? If so, maybe you could talk to one of your school counselors. Anorexia is a deadly disease and we do not want you to be at risk.

In my personal case, if people saw me eating, they could never imagine I had an eating disorder. I used to eat normal amounts of food for a sedentary person. Unfortunately, I was overexercising and that caused my anorexia to take my body to the limit.

As of now, I am dealing with the consequences of all the damage I did to my body. So, the sooner you decide to recover and look for some treatment options, the better.

With regards to the encountered thoughts and desires, let me tell you that even after several years of fighting for my recovery, I still have them. For example: I want to recover but I don't. I want to eat but I don't. I want to have a healthy life but I don't, etc. etc. etc.

I would say, listen to the "angel", to the "good thoughts/feelings and ideas". You are brave and your life and health are worth it.

Hugs
Alma

Leaneaustin
Alma,

Alma,

I totally hear you. I lost some weight. Half of it was on purpose. Working out and watching what I ate to the point that I actually developed a disease that kept me from eating. Counting every calory until I panicked if I went past a certain number. I've always had a problem with my weight going up-and-down and a problem with binging and it got worse when I got diagnosed. All the sudden my diet had to change and that's when it blew up. I wander around the house opening and closing the cabinets looking for food. I have gained some weight. The doctor wants me to more weight. At my lowest point I was the weight I was in junior high. I am 54 years old.

The idea of gaining more weight makes me anxious and the doctor actually put me on a medication to help me stop binging because that makes me anxious too. I am not working right now so I am home alone all day. I cannot eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, so my diet is primarily carbs with some protein. This is due to the disease. It's hard not to gain weight, but the idea of gaining....

I have a counselor and she helps but she can't be here all the time. I am an educated health care provider but I feel completely helpless when it comes to this.

_admin_moderator
Hi Leaneaustin

Hi Leaneaustin, welcome to the forums! We are glad you are here and hope that you find all the support that you are looking for. Unfortunately, we had to edit out some of the content in your post as posting specific numbers and physical depictions of the body go against our community guidelines. You can revisit them here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines. Remember that you’re not alone and take care.

NEDA is here to support you during the evolving COVID-19 outbreak. The health of our community, especially those who are most vulnerable to the virus' serious complications, remains paramount. To access resources that can provide free and low-cost support, please click here.

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