National Eating Disorders Association

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Good and bad day but relieved

So, I ended up spending some time with my dad today. My intention was telling him I’m done engaging in an unhealthy behavior with him, and I did... but not until after. I still don’t understand how he continues to do this as a recovering addict same as me. I feel guilty for engaging one more time but I did firmly tell him I can’t anymore and that I have been starting to crave opioids more often and that’s not okay. He agreed at least so I’m relieved I won’t be living with someone who enables unhealthy choices for my recovery anymore. As relieved and glad as I am about my decision to abstain from anything that could threaten my sobriety, if I’m being totally honest, I’m a little frustrated about it too. Because now I have to face the cravings head on. And that just leads to wanting to use my eating disorder as a substitute. I’ve got to keep practicing tolerating my emotions. And talk to my psychiatrist next week about something to help my depression which is mainly triggered by chronic pain. If I can keep my head above water, and do things to keep stable even in hard times, I believe in my ability to both maintain eating disorder recovery and sobriety. I can think of a couple situation that would lead to relapse but I can’t dwell on something that may or may not happen especially as I won’t know
for some time. I have to try to live in the present and instead of dwelling on how small the pain has made my life and having to endure months more of it, try to be grateful for what and who I still have in my life. It’s definitely more than some.

good for you

it sounds like you're on the right track. keep trying and you'll make it. i'm sorry for your struggles and glad for your determination. just do your best and keep being open and honest. i'm here for you

How's it going?

Regardless of when you told your dad that you wanted to change and stop being around someone who enables it, it's a great step and achievement for yourself. I'm sure that was hard, not only to come to grips with this has to be done, but also because it's your father. But I think you did the right thing in telling him what you wanted to change.
The concern about facing the cravings head on will have to be embraced as an opportunity to grow, even if it seems scary. Reach out to your support team when you need to, or even try NEDA's helpline (I'll attach the link below).
It's absolutely incredible that you believe in yourself to maintain your recovery process for both the ED and being sober because I do too!!
Keep in touch <3

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