National Eating Disorders Association

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I have seen you a lot of the forums and was wondering about your story. I myself am not as single as single can be. My illness and traumas and family traumas has caused me to fear relationships. But I am in recovery after thirty plus years of suffering. You may have seen my posting. iwanttolive is my user name. I suffered greatly and hurt family members even to this day.

I am recovered from anorexia for about three years but over all eating disorders for several months. I was overeating for several months before now and now have no urges at all for any type of behavior. I was just wondering about you since you post so much and have a lot of wisdom what your story is. How is it that you have been on other forums and this one as well and have the ability to relate and understand? Would you mind sharing a bit about your journey? That would be helpful. Thanks either way.



Hey there,

I had a friend who had EDs ( and BPD too) and things got so alarming with her that I went on Something-Fishy to ask for some support and some insight. A person with EDs answered my post, but then she and I started emailing each other. After about a year of us corresponding, she started a recovery forum on Yahoo Groups, and said she wanted me to be on it. So that's how I got on the forums, and how I learned about people's self-experiences.

After several years of that, I realized that I could go back to the "Partners" forum on SF, and help answer some people's questions there (by then they had banned people with EDs from answering questions on the "Loved Ones" forums) which I did for ten years until Fishy finally went under. In the mean time, my friend passed away from her ED. Other people would ask me to join their ED forums too, so I was on forums for people with EDs, as well as the Fishy forum for partners at the same time. I'm on the big ED forum currently, and was on the big one before that, and am generally friends with the mods from those places, so….that's kind of it. If I can add anything positive to the whole situation, that seems like a worthwhile thing to do. It's also nice to be part of a community where everyone tries to help each other, which is not always something you find in real life.

As far as I know, there's currently no large active forum for partners, so it would be great to see things get rolling here, but if it's going to ever get any momentum going, people need to have their posts answered in a timely manner, rather than them sitting around here for days. So you're right, I do try and keep track of things here.


Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. You are right in that some peoples posts do not get answered in a timely fashion. There are times when I post that I get no response and that is difficult but I am okay with it as a lot of times I do get responses. I am more in a position of helping others now so I mostly respond to others posts rather than ask for support. I just lost what I posted, I hate when that happens. I hit a button or something and it deletes a lot of what I wrote. I am sorry you lost a friend and to an eating disorder, such a shame. The fact that there is so little support out there, and it is so expensive and so few places to get help is terrible. I did not know that Fishy went down as I spend a lot of time here. They were Christian I think. Thank you for sharing. I like that I am able to be a voice of hope here on the forum and that I am doing so well after decades of suffering. Take care,



I had zero experience or knowledge about EDs before I dated my girlfriend. I'm here basically so I can understand it better. I'm doing reading in my spare time as well but it all helps. I think the worst thing about it as a partner of someone who suffers is just feeling utterly helpless. I'm the kind of person that if there's a problem I do what I have to do to solve it so when my girlfriend tells me something like she is actively trying to get sicker and has no interest in getting well it has taken time to realise she doesn't mean that ALL of the time and things like this. I know I can't save her from this thing as much as I want to. I'd take it from her and go through it myself instead if I could. I see how hard it is for her every day and the kind of things she has to do just to not have a breakdown. It's such an awful thing. It's hard to hang on to the hope she will ever be in a place where she even wants recovery, if she could ever get there it would be such a huge leap at this point.

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