National Eating Disorders Association

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hannahls
plznotme

Plznotme, I’m so glad that reading other posts on this forum has helped you to feel less alone – it is so great that we have this space to vent and get advice and feel part of a community. Also, it is very normal to have trouble adjusting back to eating normally after overcoming an ED. It’s awesome that you don’t turn to your old ED behaviors to compensate for when you feel like your eating feels out of control – that is such a big step in recovery. Are you currently seeing a therapist or a dietician who could help you get back on track with normal eating? Food is a necessary part of a happy, healthy, and normal life, and since you are going to have to face the challenge of eating every day, I really hope you can work toward developing a better relationship with food. There are professionals trained to do just that!! If you call NEDA’s helpline Monday-Thursday from 9:00 am - 9:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am - 5:00 pm (EST) at
1-800-931-2237, they can help you get in touch with the various resources in your area that could be helpful to you. Please continue to be strong!! This journey is not an easy one, and you should be proud of yourself for even attempting it. Things will get better!!
Hannah

gab1998
Can't seem to eat normally!

Hello, I'm a new member here. I suffered from anorexia when I was 13-14 years old. I managed to get into a healthier mental state and ate healthy for about 2 years afterwards (I am 16 now). About a month ago, I had a full-out binge for no reason at all. I was so upset and confused. I have no idea why it happened. I thought that it would be fine, that I'd just eat healthy the next day, but instead, I binged the next day, and kept binging nearly every day, including today. I have absolutely no self control anymore, and it seems that any and all food triggers a binge for me. I don't get it. I haven't gained a lot of weight, but these binges are negatively affecting my relationship with food, my self-confidence, and they give me horrible stomach pain/bloating, and gas. Also, it is costing my mom a ton of money since she has to keep re-stocking the cupboards with food, because I eat entire containers of food in one sitting. The extra burden on my mother gives me extra guilt. I really need some help!

kayleigh91
gab1998,

gab1998,

It sounds like you are having quite a tough time. But I am so happy that you are trying to look for help in order to get back on track. Do not feel guilty. That will only make thing worse. The best thing you can try to do for you and your mom is see how you can make things better. Tell your mother you need help controlling your urges to binge. Also, maybe talking to one of NEDA's navigators in order to see where to go next with your journey to recovery.
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-navigators

Much love,
KayLeigh

Sandrabay1
Yes I have experienced

Yes I have experienced exactly the same thing, I recovered from anorexia, now I can't stop binging every time theres food in the kitchen cause I feel like I have to get rid of it, even when I'm not hungry I'll eat and I had to leave my job after a month because of my binging and weight gain and also bad tummyaches

claudia_21
kcsauk

kcsauk I know it's hard freaking freaking hard but you need to trust your body. Every binging episode is there for a reason. It might be for your body to recover or it's maybe your mind craving all kind of sweets and fatty food whatever it is just don't restrict!!! because if you do it your binging episode will happen another time and be worst. My advice/trick to decrease the intensity of the frequency of the binging episodes. All the food you've restricted, I mean the food you loved and didn't eat during anorexia,like cookies,pizza,ice cream peanut butter,etc.,Just eat that for breakfast,eat it all day long as snacks, for dinner, for supper you won't feel as much the need to binge, because you won't be craving them as much. Well, for me at least. Personnally, I couldn't say to myself to eat normal portions and normal food and not binge. It doesn't make sense! Because we've had an eating disorder and restricted so much. I used to eat ice cream in the morning,cookies for snacks,chocolate for dinner and it's fine! my mind needed it and now I am so much closer to be fully recovered because I've not only ate all my calories back but also the food i've loved and kept restricting. I know everybody pretty much knows what I just said but it is so important to set your mind and body free! Even weigning more than before anorexia, because you never want to go to that dark place again, to restricting and controling portions, feeling guilty after everything you ate, you should be so so proud of having let go of that, just don't give up because it will get better.

listgirl3
I have to agree about eating

I have to agree about eating the things we restricted - but in smaller portions to control the binge. I have been in recovery for 6 years (and still counting) and went through about 5 years trying to control the bingeing thing. I've finally just recently understood where it comes from, at least for me. Recovery is a very long road, and we have to work hard - but I cannot stress enough we have to forgive ourselves for all these crazy things - trust me, eating too many Oreos did not ruin my life even when I thought it was going to. And now I don't worry as much about it.

Stick with it, work it out - you will win.

autumn006
Thanks listgirl3

I've never binge-eaten but I still found your comment really comforting because I don't hear too often that we need to forgive ourselves, even though that's so important, with any of these issues. We get so trapped in our own heads that even when we mean well, we end up frustrated or hurting ourselves.

Gdomenica13
Putting "binge" into perspective

It's all of our biggest fears, right? Then I read some material that meant a lot to me. Would have helped tremendously while in inpatient/PHP/IOP.

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Gdomenica13

Your post was edited to conform with the community guidelines (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelines).
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simyb
When I read your post I

When I read your post I started crying because i felt so identified with your situation. my story is almost the same as yours but a little different, at 13 years old i started losing weight and became anorexic only for four months when i started attending to a nutritionist because i had entered a critical weight, After that i started gaining weight forced by the doctors and my parents (of course i was fighting constantly with myself and struggling during the refeding), after i got to a certain weight the doctors let me go and as soon as that happened i started to loose weight again. after a while i gained weight because of the starvation mode and then lost it again.... i had these ups and downs for around 3 years but always having so much strength over myself and controlling and calculating every calorie coming into my body, doing excersise every day of every week (meaning that i never really recovered from the anorexia but was already in a low-healthy weight)... and then i move to the USA (i live in venezuela), after whic came extreme anxiety,... so i started eating like i never did before... after my third week here i had already weight... anyway since then i have tried to make goals to lose weight for summer which i didnt accomplished (leading to more weight gain)....then winter but nahh.. then spring break.. thne summer again... but i couldnt stay without breaking the diet and had whole weeks of binging 24/7.... and ive been strugling with myself everyday of every week of every month of the past year and a half to try to lose weight, and ive been lashing myself because i feel like i lost my identity, i used to be this strong girl with enough willpower for a whole world... but not anymore and i want to go back to that....but about two months ago i started beacoming like numb, i just got tired of fightng with myself and decided that im not going to try anymore at least untill i get help (psicologist or something).... but not a good numb... its like i just dont care anymore but not only for food,.. in every way of my life... ive been in my bed watching tv for two weeks literally.... so anyway... im 17 years old now and my teenage years have been misery, and hate how i look right now, and i feel like i cant do anything if i feel fat so i dont go out, and i dont even talk to my friends anymore... and everytime i think its enough and this has to change it doesnt... so i wanted to know how are you doing.... to see if there is any hope....

Aleahick
I would love to talk to you

Reading YOUR story was almost identical to mine. Especially the part about where you used to be such a strong girl with will power and now you don't even care... And you feel sort of numb and it's not just your body it's life and THIS is me. Definitely me. It's been me since January this year.... I'm 18. I'm taking online classes and lay around all day and watch a lot of TV. Last semester I was at a different college living on campus and running on scholarship. I gave that all away. All away so I could give up. Because I didn't feel the point in fighting anymore. I've definitely fell into a sort of depression. It would be really nice to talk to someone about the same things I'm going through. Recently I've been searching for sites like these where people share their experiences and I've found many stories like minE, but they are so so old. This is the most recent one... Even though I guess it's been almost a year later. If you want to reach out to me, I would love to talk. Thanks.

Aleahick
I would love to talk to you

Reading YOUR story was almost identical to mine. Especially the part about where you used to be such a strong girl with will power and now you don't even care... And you feel sort of numb and it's not just your body it's life and THIS is me. Definitely me. It's been me since January this year.... I'm 18. I'm taking online classes and lay around all day and watch a lot of TV. Last semester I was at a different college living on campus and running on scholarship. I gave that all away. All away so I could give up. Because I didn't feel the point in fighting anymore. I've definitely fell into a sort of depression. It would be really nice to talk to someone about the same things I'm going through. Recently I've been searching for sites like these where people share their experiences and I've found many stories like minE, but they are so so old. This is the most recent one... Even though I guess it's been almost a year later. If you want to reach out to me, I would love to talk. Thanks.

kcsauk
I would love to connect as well!

Hi Aleahick, I'd love to talk with you too! It's so helpful to find people who can empathize.

I hope we talk soon!

Holdontohope
I relate 100%

I'm also 17 and I was also previously anorexic. I'm sorry that this has happened to you too, I never pictured myself in this position. I also tried unsuccessfully to lose the weight I've gained. I feel so awful, and I have also quit going out. I believe you have it in you to make it though! I feel pretty dang hopeless right now. But I decided if I couldn't be anorexic again, I at least wanted to be healthy and happy. I'm lonely and anxious a lot of the time and that contributes to the binging episodes, but, I think that if I go out, even if it's hard, maybe I can break the cycles and rediscover my confidence? I hate the way I look right now, and I also have very thin hair, I have alopecia. So it's extremely difficult for me to feel pretty these days. I want to recover really bad, from all of this! Hang on:) I'm pretty sure we weren't meant to be sad forever ❤️

_admin_moderator
Holdontohope

Hi Holdontohope,Just wanted to let you know that your e-mail address has been deleted from your post. We do not permit users to post personal information- as we are looking out for your safety! Feel free to review the Community Guidelines here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelinesWe hope you continue to use these forums to connect with other members, and offer/receive support here. 

_admin_moderator
Hi simyb,

Your post has been edited in order to comply with the Community Guidelines of these forums (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelines). Please consider using the NEDA Helpline (1-800-931-2237) to identify resources to help you in your area. Its available M-Th 9-9 EST and F 9-5 EST.

Additionally, I would like to provide you with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24/7. Please don't hesitate to reach out to the line to get help and to talk to someone.

Please continue to post!

pleasehelpme
I hate everything

I don't know what to do anymore. I restricted so much for 6 months. I lost a lot of weight and I loved it. I was hospitalised for about a week and after I was released, I was just so angry at everyone pushing me to eat more and gain weight; so I did. In about 2 months, I gained all that weight back! And since then (about 5 months) I've gained so much extra! I keep bingeing and I don't know what to do. I hate it. I miss fitting into all my clothes. I miss people commenting on my appearance. I eat until I look so pregnant and I can't move; it's ridiculous. I don't know why I do it and I don't know how to stop. I hate everything! I want it to go away.

_admin_moderator
edit notification

Hello pleasehelpme--we're glad you're seeking help on the NEDA forums. Please be aware that your post has been edited to comply with our community guidelines (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelines). Users should not mention specific numbers or weights, because they have high potential to be triggering for other members of the online community. Also, please note that absolutely no body snarking is allowed on the NEDA forums, including comments directed at yourself. Please help us keep the forums a positive environment for recovery.

Before you continue posting, take a moment to review the guidelines. You might also want to take a look at this page on sharing your story responsibly: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/guidelines-sharing-your-story-re.... Thank you and please keep posting!

dropthemetaphor
re: I hate everything

Hey pleasehelpme--I'm so sorry you're struggling, and so glad you found us here on the forums. As you can see by the popularity of this thread, this is a common concern while in recovery, so please know you're not alone! I first want to congratulate you on committing to your recovery and gaining weight when your treatment team said it was necessary. Second, are you currently seeing a therapist or nutritionist or psychiatrist to assist you in recovering from your ED after leaving treatment? Enlisting the help of a professional is a great first step in fighting the ED voice and making it "go away" as best as possible.

Is there anyone you can talk to about what you're going through? A close friend or maybe a family member? Did you learn any coping skills for your disordered eating habits or thought patterns while you were in treatment? I want to share some NEDA resources that I think might be helpful as you continue working toward recovery.

Info about real-time help and chatlines: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-referral-helpline

Treatment resources if you're not currently seeing anyone: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment

A bunch of great resources for recovery in general: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/recovery

Finally, I really know how you feel--I struggled with my ED for four years but I've been in full recovery for more than three, so I just wanted to let you know it is possible to reach a place where this doesn't consume you. Please keep posting on the forums if it's helpful. We are all here for you!

pleasehelpme
re: I hate everything

Hi drop themetaphor

Thanks for your response! I am seeing a psychologist and she's helping me a bit. I find it so difficult to talk to people though. I feel like if they haven't experienced what I'm going through, they won't understand and they won't be able to help me. I am always in pain, always so bloated and hating everything about my body. I am so happy that you have overcome your ED. It's so difficult and I really admire you! Thank you for everything

ASilvy
I understand you

Reading your experience I can completely relate to you I too was treated for anorexia and was able to get to a good weight and I started weight training eto and I felt good but I never lost my binging habits and I was able to maintain a good weight but lately I have been binging so much it's not as easy as it usually is to just purge and excercise this weight off. I understand how you feel recovery is impossible I've been through treatment and therapy etc and I got "better" but I don't see how I will every fully recover and what that even means because my image and food and all of this will always be in the back of my mind

Aleahick
I am going through the same thing

How are you now? This was 2 years ago. Has anything changed? Are you better? I want to know how long this lasts. I've been gradually gaining and have gained weight since my original weight before anorexia and before the binging. I've been binging for about a year and a half now and have quit so many things, much like how you resigned from your new job. I threw away an athletic college scholarship mid year. Please reach out to me. I want to know how you did it. If you ever did.

_admin_moderator
edit notification

Hi aleahick, your post has been edited slightly to comply with our community guidelines: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelines. Users are not allowed to mention specific numbers as this is likely to be triggering for other forum users. Thanks for helping us keep this a safe space for everyone!

katiec5
Binge eating

Hi aleahick,
I just saw this post and feel like I am going through something similar. I have been binging for about a year as well and I also gave up my athletic college scholarship last year too haha. I'm really struggling, right now I weigh as much as I did when I became anorexic 4 years ago. I kind of call myself a functional anorexic lol because no one knows about my weight issues and I have been trying to overcome them on my own, but it can feel sooo lonely and like no ones the real me or how messed up I am. Maybe we could message or email and help each other through this? Sorry I hope this wasn't too forward I just was surprised to see such a recent message on the forum and from someone so similar! I hope you are hanging in there!

katiec5
Anorexia to binge eating

Hi kcsauk,
I know it's been years but I just saw your post about going from anorexia to binge eating and I'm going through something similar. No one knows about the struggles I have had with my weight the last four years and I feel incapable of telling the people close to me. I think part of it is because I don't really want to go through official treatment because I know that involves stopping dieting and although I have gotten rid of my anorexia I still intensely diet and have bad eating habits. I now am about or just over the same weigh as I was four years when I began this journey and I hate myself. I hate it. I can't get out of bad because I feel hopeless and I know I have so much weight to lose it's going to be impossible. And I think any time I'm upset I binge eat. Oh wow I'm so sorry I just told you my whole story I just really wanted to tell you I am going through something similar and I wanted to know how it went for you? I hope you are confident in your body and now and most importantly happy!
Katie

kcsauk
Hi katiec5

Hi Katiec5!

Sorry I just saw your post now. I haven't been logged into the NEDA site for years and can't believe how many people resonated with my original post! I relate to how you were feeling when you wrote this post so much. The feeling after the binge, especially in the morning after not sleeping well and you wake up feeling swollen, groggy and horrible about yourself. I am five years into recovery now and still binge every once in awhile, but it is MUCH less than I used to. I maintain a healthy weight even with a binge now and then. I can still feel horrible afterwards, but most of the time I remind myself that restricting the next day will just cause another binge, so I try to wait until I am actually hungry and then eat again. I've researched weight gain and bingeing after anorexia so much and it really is incredibly common, but no one talks about it! I think it's because self-control is so important to anorexics and we think because we lose self-control and binge we are weak. I always worried about people judging me if they found out I binged, that they would think it was disgusting. It's actually really helpful to talk about with those close to you and helped me to stop bingeing so much. I am much more confident in my body now and although I still have bad days here and there I am very happy! I hope you are doing better now as well! Much love!!

_admin_moderator
edit notification

Kcsauk, your post has been edited. Users are not allowed to post any personal information on the forums, including email addresses and links to personal blogs or websites. This is for your protection and to safeguard other users from potentially triggering content on outside sites which NEDA is unable to monitor. Please feel free to continue communicating with other users through the forums. Thanks for helping us keep this a safe space for everyone.

Holdontohope
Binge eating after anorexic

I never thought I'd be in this position. I have started binging over the past couple months and I'm devastated. Because I've been binging I've struggled with wanting to exercise all the time, and I've tried unsuccessfully to starve myself again. I'm so upset I've put on so much weight. Now I'm struggling with wanting to even take care of myself. I was a healthy weight before I started binging. I'm desperately trying to stop. I know that when I'm anxious or stressed, the urges are much stronger. Someone please offer advice. I'm seeing a therapist but it's not helping, he doesn't really do too much about the food issues. I've been to treatment before, but I'm humiliated about my current situation and don't want to seek help. I'm scared and feel out of control. Will my weight balance out?.

chunkymonkey68
Is it self sabatage or something else?

Is there an emotional reason that you find yourself binging after losing weight, and then coming back to a healthy weight, and now regressing towards the beginning of the cycle that seemed to trigger your initial dive into anorexia in the first place?

Did something occur that was similar to whatever led you to gain weight many years ago prior to the anorexia, like a loss or someone who hurt you in a similar way as before, or a return to school and that triggered old eating habits?

I'm just wondering if there is a pattern that is based on anything ?

I hope therapy helps you to recover soon. I know for me it took several years, plus a new gym membership, a dietitian, and returning to work was a good thing for me to stay busy and focused on health and self support as well as social contacts, responsibility, etc...

josnorgren
Same for me. I restricted for

Same for me. I restricted for 3 years and recently I just pig out without being able to stop. I buy all this binge food and just HAVE to finish them and not let any left in the fridge. My stomach hurts all the time...

dropthemetaphor
re: Same for me. I restricted for

Hey josnorgren--welcome to the forums! I don't think I've seen your name here before. I'm glad you're reaching out for support. That's a very important first step and it takes a lot of courage.

I first want to assure you that you're definitely not alone in this struggle--as I'm sure you've already noticed just by reading through this thread, this is a really common issue during recovery from any kind of restrictive eating disorder. You're in good company here on the forums and you've come to the right place for help.

I have a few questions that I hope will help us understand your situation a little better, so we can provide the best support possible. Have you ever been diagnosed with an ED? If so, have you ever received professional help for it? Have you ever discussed your eating issues with anyone in your life, such as a friend, family member, partner, teacher, etc.? Have you ever tried to recover from ED behaviors? What did your recovery strategy entail?

I wanted to share some resources here on the NEDA website that I think will be helpful for you as you continue navigating this issue:

ED screening tool: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening-tool

General information about EDs: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/general-information

Information about binge-related behaviors: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/bed/war...

Understanding the stages of recovery: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/general-information/unders...

NEDA blog--lots of great tips and insights here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog

Help finding treatment: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment/treatment-and-sup...

I hope this serves as a useful starting point. Please don't hesitate to keep reaching out as much as you need. We're here for you!

chunkymonkey68
Specific Food Cravings after avoiding eating most foods

So I began to eat certain foods as i was giving in to the idea of eating again as i had hit the lowest weight i ever was even as a teen at age 18 or so and freshman in college. I began craving certain foods. So i understand you and good luck in your recovery too.

chunkymonkey68
Get Well Soon

Keep up the good work, and just keep on trying to recover. Enjoy life while doing so too.

jgross26
About your Post

Hello...just stumbled across this post and I'm in the exact same situation as you were when you posted this in 2014. How are you doing now? Do you have any advice for me to get through this? Eating disorders are crippling...

marges
I hear you

Dear kcsauk,

It's been four years since you've written this post but I want to let you know that you're not alone. I've struggled with anorexia in the past as well -- on two separate occasions I lost a substantial amount of weight changing the way I looked dramatically. Each time, I regained weight to get healthy, but this time around i've struggled with binge eating much more than the previous time. The shameful part is that it's been 3 years since i've put weight back on but i'm still binging here and there. Of course I dislike my figure, but I am not actively dieting and I don't think i'm restricting... so why am I binging? Shouldn't I have recovered by now? I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I don't know how to move on but I feel that i'm losing hope. I don't even want to hang out with friends because i'm so ashamed of how I look and feel -- i'd rather hibernate at home and watch movies. I know this will not help me to 'get better' and it's essentially the opposite of self care. I think that over time, my eating patterns will level out but i'm terrified of gaining more weight. I already feel like i'm at the capacity of what I *should* weight. I hope that you've found ways to stop binging and accept yourself. If you have the courage to replenish your weight, you most certainly have the courage to eat mindfully and in a more healthful, regular, normal way. Good luck and remember, you're not alone and you're not a bad person.

iwanttolive
marges

Hi. I just wanted to comment on your post before I go to sleep. I am exhausted. Long week with a lot of emotions. I was anorexic and am recovered from that. Thank you God. But I have been overeating. Less now than earlier in recent months. So I understand about unwanted weight gain that isn't necessary. But we must remember that our weight doesn't define who we are as people, as an individual. I understand how difficult it is to look at our bodies and be unhappy. I am very unhappy with the size of my body but then I have to ask myself if I am being too hard on myself and am I really as ugly as I think I am. Others would be quick to say no. But it is how I feel. That is why it is so dangerous to live based on our feelings. Even if you are on the higher end of the weight spectrum, it still doesn't determine your worth and value. I am sorry it is making you want to isolate, the eating disorders biggest trick I think. Getting out will help with the depression and the deception that you won't be accepted because of your weight. It is a lie that the eating disorder wants you to believe so it can keep you where it wants you, isolated and then if you are watching movies you probably get the munchies so you eat more than you want to as you watch the tv. I don't know but boredom always brings me to think more about food. I am happy you posted. I am happy you reached out. There are those of us who binge/overeat out there. Losing weight is difficult and I have decided not to go on another "diet" because they only make me feel deprived and created a binge mode for me. I think you mentioned something to that effect; Dieting really doesn't work. I am glad you are reachig out and seeking support. It is difficult I know.d to one body shape or size and living in another, it is not comfortable.&nbsp; Just remember, youNot a number.&nbsp; You are special and unique.&nbsp; You have talents noone else has.&nbsp; You have gifts no one else but you have.&nbsp; You are you and you are important and you will be missed if you hide out and isolate.&nbsp; I hope you can realize that you are special and your size doesn't determine your worth.&nbsp; I know it is tough. Believe me, I am living it right now.&nbsp; Uncomfortable city.&nbsp; Yup.&nbsp; But I refuse to allow the eating disorder cause me to isolate and not be able to help others, to love others, to be there with my parents and to miss out on life.&nbsp; The eating disorder took too many years of my life already and now I say no.&nbsp; Not gonna happen.&nbsp; So I hope you don't allow that to happen to you as well.&nbsp; Go out there and let people know just how special you are and the giftings I know you have, because we all have something to offer.&nbsp; Take care,</p><p>iwanttolive</p>

s.boewer
I can relate...

I have also gained weight after anorexia and feel like I don't even know myself any longer. I want so desperately to lose some weight in a short period of time because I have a wedding to be in very soon. I don't like the way that I look in my dress and feel panicked about wearing it. I am so worried about feeling the way I feel today on he day of my daughter's wedding I can't even think straight! My goal is to work out and lose a little weight in a healthy way so that I am comfortable on the big day. Thanks for listening to my woes:)

Savedbygrace
I wouldn't

Suggest exercise right now if your eating disorder voice is really strong, because then you may not be able to stop and spiral further in the disorder. If you are going to exercise, consult a doctor, and be honest about how long you are exercising for. As those who have struggled with eating disorders, it's particularly important not to exercise on our own, especially if we've struggled with over exercising in the past. It may start off to get healthy, but can continue to snowball into an obsession.

mimi2017
I have the same problem

I know how it feels to feel like your outcasted and alone and that no one can comfort you. Just like you, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and was hospitalized for a month after losing significant weight in the span of three weeks. Before I developed my eating disorder, I was slightly overweight as a teenager and I was constantly berated by the people around me, sometimes even my family. As a top-ranked competitive athlete, I had an appetite that was very difficult to suppress. However, I then started to restrain myself. I began feeling very fatigue at tournaments, training, and even school. When my parents noticed my unusual behavior, they took me to see my family doctor, who emitted to the hospital after detecting my abnormally low heart rate and blood pressure. In the hospital, I gained nearly all of the weight I had desperately tried so hard to lose. The outpatient program at the hospital was extremely painful for me. Every week, I would keep losing the weight I had gained back from the hospital and would throw fits and tantrums at home when my parents tried to force me to eat. They threatened to re-emit countless times. Anyways, I eventually stopped the outpatient program because the weight they wanted me to reach was not reasonable, and my mother agreed that I should be allowed to continue my competitive sport as long as my weight remained in a healthy range. I went back to see my family doctor, and shortly after, when I was getting better with food, I stopped treatment altogether (even though I had not gained back any weight I lost). However, I shortly began to lose even more weight over a long period of time – the amount I was eating was not satisfying the immense amount of physical training I was enduring. At one point, I was less then I was when I was originally emitted to the hospital, and at a dangerously low BMI. However, I then had my first "cheat day" when I traveled to a different country for a family event. My body felt so good, that I began to do these "cheat days" more regularly, where I would consume a vast amount of calories in a day. Within a couple months, I had gained back all of the weight I had lost from the start of my anorexia nervosa. I was disgusted with myself and began to notice how my bingeing was negatively affecting my athletic performance, confidence, and overall mood. Now, a few months later from when I started bingeing, I have lost some weight and am on the lower side of my BMI. I still binge sometimes, but not as frequently as I used to. However, just yesterday, I had a bingeing episode, where I consumed a lot of food in just three hours. Today, I feel so gross that I feel the need to not eat anything this entire day. I have done this before, where I have binged one day and then completely starved myself the next in order to balance it out. I feel locked inside because I can't tell anyone in my family because I know they won't understand, which is why I wanted to see if anyone else feels this way too so I don't need to be the only one. I can assure you, I know exactly what you are going through – the feeling that your relationship with food will never be normal. All I want too is to be able to eat a balanced diet, with no restricting or overeating. I don't want to be controlled by my eating disorders any longer, but I also am too scared to reach out for help because I don't want to risk disrupting my athletic performance again. If anyone knows what to do, I would really appreciate some help.

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We edited your post . . .

. . . to remove mention of numbers (weight, calories) and specific foods that may be triggering to other forum users. Please read the community guidelines here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines. And keep posting!

ongoing
Same here!!

Hey.

I can relate so so sos os so much. I had anorexia and recovered last year. I gained weight in recovery quite quickly because I was really determined and if I'm honest I think my binge eating patterns started then.

I got to a place where my hospital team were happy and I stayed there for about 9 months, all the while I had binging urges on which I didn't act. Returning to college, I seemed to develop really bad habits and sort of allowed them to occur because I was tired of holding back. Since then, I have gained so much weight and life is a living misery for me, all it seems to be is a back and forth of regret.

It is so horrible, but I have hope. I am reading books about addiction recovery, For me, eating disorders are just like alcoholism or drug addiction, and stories of recovery are inspiring to me no matter what the person is going through. I hope you all find a light and that you reach out for help. I know it's scary and sometimes we'd all prefer to just live in a protective bubble in our own little worlds pretending to others and to ourselves that we can do it alone but it's not true. Give up your old toxic coping and protective mechanisms and seek help.

netsrik
I thought nobody could relate..

as I'm figuring out what to type the only thing that comes to mind is how surreal your experience sounds. I've been breaking my head over this. there are not many people who I feel I am able to express my thoughts comfortably without feeling forced. I've been struggling with an eating disorder and was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. I was completely in shock when my parents took me to see a doctor because they started realized my excessive exercising, restricting my diet, and symptoms because of this. I thought it was all normal... I hadn't realized I was losing weight until one day I really looked at my self in the mirror. I was hospitalized then I did outpatient, my weight fluctuates constantly. I'm confused and don't know what to do. I do not want to be in the hospital, I'm tired of stressing my family out. I hate the thought of food, but I just eat and eat and eat. I tell myself I won't do it anymore, that I need to lose weight. I convince myself that this eating disorder does not define who I am as a person. honestly, I have no idea who the hell I am anymore. I've lost myself, I have no control over anything in my life. I stabilize my weight, then as soon as I reach my "goal weight" I restrict and won't eat. A few days later, I start to binge and it's out of control. It's not like I WANT the food, I'm not hungry, I feel like I need it. I'm scared, I feel I will never reach the point where I'm able to live my life. To be a normal kid without constantly thinking about these things. I have pushed everyone away and I have daily appointments with my pediatrician, therapist, and more. I feel like it is not helping. I know in order to get help, I need to do this for myself. but I am not happy. I'm not happy when I eat, and I'm unhappy when I don't eat. it's like there's no balance. it's hard because my meal plan makes me eat more than I want to ... every day. and I don't go outside, I can't even be seen in public. I know this is a lot but after reading this I didn't feel alone, to know there is someone else out there who understands what I am going through helps. best of luck on your recovery, hope you're doing well.

MaddyBarratt
Hey kcsauk

Hey kcsauk
I developed bulimia and anorexia around four years ago as well and I have been dealing with binge eating for the last to years I completely understand when you say you feel tied and lacking self control I can’t seem to stop binge eating and feel like giving up I feel like Iam unable to stop and this is making me incredibly stressed and depressed Iam not in a place where I can offer you advice however I hope that you won’t give up and that things start to get better
Xoxo Maddy

Poolprt_eez
Binging after anorexia

Hi I need advice, I previously had anorexia and still have a few tendencies here and there to restrict, however for the past week and a lot in the past few months I binge eat at night and feel awful about it after. Even though I feel so happy with the weight I gained, during the binge I use the fact that I’m still a little underweight to justify it. My parents still think I need to gain a bit of weight and that’s fine, I just have to develop healthy habits to do it and make the binging stop. I am nervous to start regular eating habits and most importantly I’m afraid because sometimes (like today) I eat normally like the rest of my family and friends during the day but it still leads to a binge and I really don’t want this to keep happening. I want advice and to know that someone else has this same issue and how I can just become normal without even THINKING about binging or even food as much anymore

Mankwi
been here twice

hi,
I wish i had looked this up ten months ago when my accidental recovery. I have been Anorexic three times, once at 14 ,once at 21 and the then again in 2015 which lasted untill the beginning of 2018.
I have struggled almost every day with binge eating, night eating (getting up in the middle to eat),eating when bored,stress at work. I am now at my heaviest ever and hate the way I look. I cant recognize myself. Please help if you have anything that helped your weight stablize and stop shooting through the roof

golfer92
Please help me help my wife

I'm so glad that I found this page. This perfectly describes what my wife has been going through. I didn't even realize that she had anorexia until recently. A few years after we got married she developed a binge-eating disorder. It slowly ramped up and she didn't open up to me about it right away, but it's been going on now for almost a year and she feels so helpless. She also opened up to me about the anorexia around the same time. She feels like she will not be happy until she loses the extra weight, but recognizes that there are underlying causes of the bingeing and that there are other things that need to be resolved before she can be fully healed. She has seen multiple therapists, counselors, and dietitians, but isn't getting better. I've done my best to support her and love her and be patient, but I haven't been perfect and don't feel like I've been helpful enough. Do you have any suggestions for what I can do to support her and help her towards recovery? Also, how long does it typically take for someone to recover from binge eating disorder?

disciplinedtomorrow
Give her your full support please

I am 100% not a professional, but here's my insight x:
Including myself, many people with eating disorders feel very uncomfortable to open up about these issues. I had finally spoken to some people after 3 years of suffering.

from what I know, recovery can take weeks, or it can take years, and many feel that even after recovery, they are never truly set free from it.

sudden restricting is definitely not the way to go, and neither are dieting plans/programs. Her goal at the moment should be to regain normal/ healthy eating habits, and generally good habits, NOT weight loss. If she is overweight, weight loss will come naturally as she recovers. It is certainly important that meals are good sized and balanced to prevent unnecessary snacking.

It's not very easy to be helpful as someone who doesn't know exactly how she feels, and she may lose her temper with you even though you're trying to help? that's certainly what happened with me.

perhaps let her know some of your struggles? let her know there are other people who are suffering other issues and shes not alone. you can both set small goals, and both work towards them together even if theyre insignificant or very different from each other. She probably needs motivation to make change to her habits more than anything.

another thing is to help her minimise the amount of time she is left with nothing to do - this might lead to a binge, as might stressful moments, which should be aboided.

personally I was meant to be studying at home, but whenever i got bored, tired or stressed i was tempted to binge.
I found it helpful to change my environment.
I now regularly do work at coffee, libraries, with friends, and i often go to the gym. It would have been best to do a sport, but I stopped my sport as the amount of time it took caused stress with time management issues.

I really hope she does not need to suffer much longer and that you are able to feel helpful :)

disciplinedtomorrow
me too

two ago, ish, I disliked my figure very much as I was involved competitively in Competetive Performing Arts, leading to me losing x amount in several months by restricting my eating and exercising excessively. I was never professionally diagnosed as anorexic or bulimic ( i had also made myself throw up twice and some consider excessive exercise equivalent to purging), as the NHS GP took me through several blood tests, and told me that I was slightly anemic, they suggested that I should gain weight, although I was just about in the healthy range. I was taken to the nutritionist once, and to counselors once, but when I answered their questions stating that I was not affected by body image from social media, etc, but I simply wanted to be in a good shape for my sport (i will not specify as there are few people involved in this sport) and that I was willing to gain some weight (i wanted to 'tone' myself and gain muscle, not fat), I was dismissed from their service.

in only a few months following the summer holidays, where I indulged in some treats I gained X amount from binging, secretly.

I have continued to go through cycles of intense restriction followed by extreme binging, and after breaking down when talking to a teacher at school last week, I went to the GP again to seek help and address my issues.
The GP concluded that my binges were because of stress, as I have entered exam year etc.
I was not referred to any more help simply because I was not 'OBESE'.
don't expect the medical people to help you much basically.
the last few days I have not binged and I believe that this is because I talked to an old friend I never see in real life anymore, and we talked about how with the sports we play, it's NOT TOO LATE, AND THE SMALL EFFORTS OF GOING TO THE GYM, TAKING DEEP BREATHS, THINKING POSITIVELY, CAN MIGHT HAVE A HUGE POSITIVE EFFECT LATER. WE AGREED TO BOTH WORK HARD TOWARDS OUR DIFFERENT GOALS, AND THIS IS MY CURRENT MOTIVATION.

_admin_moderator
Edited your comment

Dear disciplinedtomorrow, we would like to inform you that we edited your comment to remove numbers, which could be triggering to other users and are not allowed on the forums. You can review our community guidelines here. Thanks for your understanding and please continue to post! 

rebeccam1628
Binge eating after anorexia

I’ve been struggling with binge eating for a few months and after finally deciding to not restrict everything I eat. I’ve fallen in and out of anorexia and have played around with losing weight due to stress. I came out of a stressful college environment a couple of months ago that I believe stimulated myself to binge eat. I have always been one to restrict for years but now it scares me on how much i don’t have self-control anymore with my eating habits. The other day at work someone commented how I used to eat super healthy and raw while I decided to have a dessert...I started crying as it reminded me on how I told myself and believed I hated them and that they were disgusting. I would always tell myself that I disliked certain foods and made it a reality. I don’t know how to bounce back to a normal appetite and I found this platform to just be able to write. I’ve decided to start exercising again so I hope that pushes me to maintain a well balanced diet.

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