National Eating Disorders Association

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Rob1999
How

How does one tell there good friends about my struggles, I have had a ED for about 17 years ? I have good days and bad here recently I been struggling more I work at times but I fear talking my best friends for I am unsure how they will react , I know they see me in a certain way, I must don't know I can trust them, but I know they care and are good people, I am male ( physically ) but I am also transgender so I fear there reaction but my friends are very supportive and understanding, any advice ?

Thank you.

Update 12-7

I think one of my friend is very open and non judgemental, I am around him a lot, in fact I was really struggling during Thanksgiving, I got very depressed and he helped just by being there and listening to me, he has had me work with him the last 3 days, I think he is just trying to keep me busy to help my moods, I know he does not have much work but keeps me at work with him jus for ( company and assistance) he says, I know he sees my hands shaking during the day & my energy level go down, I think he thinks something is up with me but he has not said anything just been supportive, he offers me rides he has a car & I walk every where, he has offered for me to go to the store with him & offers me things ie food or meals he cooks for him & his daughter, I live right next door to him,
I know things are sorta going down hill with me I have more hand shaking and body pain now, so I think if I were to say something to him he would not judge or anything but supportive, in every possible way,

I just have fought this ED for so long I know its a part of who I am and I accepted that years ago after some bad times with Dr s so I don't say anything about it anymore in public.
I not sure how to talk about something like this to others without me hurting more inside or having others worry about me when they have enough in there lives to deal with.

update 1-3-18

The holidays have always been rough on me and here lately i have struggled i have just gotten somewhat out of a slump i been in i had a very tough time during christmas and new years i stayed in my house for the last 7 days away from people but today i came out and chatted with a good friend for a while, my issues i have with myself hit hard this time of year and i lost weight in the last week, i know that i have some issues but i only have 1 or 2 good friends and somethings i can't even talk about to them, i have never really liked my size or shape, i have slowly came to grips with some of my issues but the whole eating thing is something i have had the most trouble with, i know by all the research i have done that hope is there for meaningful recovery, but seeing that in myself is hard, i go through the days as best i can and do what i can to stay positive, so i struggle in silence, it is hard i did have a pretty good evening and look forward to seeing my friend tomorrow and chatting as we do but, how does one even go about possibly seeking help when in my case i have been turned away and just put on the side so many times ?

Update 1-6-18

I took a leap of faith and about a week or so ago told my good friend about my struggles with my Ed, i sent him a link to my posts on this side told him it was mine, i was very nervous about doing so because thus far i haven't spoken to anyone about that side in m y life in about 4 years, and i went over to his place and we chatted, he was very understanding did not judge and was upmost supportive & i figured he would be, and in doing so i feel that some of the dark clouds i feel hover over me have gotten better because i took a chance and shared something, i did it because i felt he would better understand somethings about me,

I was right, for about a week and a half i have been doing better less depressed, more willing to accept help from him as a friend [ he is not pushy in any way] i had a very good time helping him the last 2 days i look forward to going out and hanging out with other people more than i have in a while, some other things i have done differently as well, i have been trying to be more positive and not so hard on myself and that is very hard. But i am glad to have said something for it opened up our friendship and i feel that since i trusted him that we have grown more close as friends. I am glad to have done so.

BobJ48
Telling.

Rob,

"Telling" can be a tough thing alright. We all want to be known for our true selves it's true, but at the same time, I guess you'd need to start by deciding how much you would like your friends in general to know about you.

Is it important that everyone know, or would just one single person suffice ?

Or is it something that others could know about casually, but that when it comes to the most important and personal parts, you could talk with a therapist about ?

It's important to not feel alone with the significant issues in our lives, but when it comes to things which, for better or worse, others may judge us in various ways, we need to decide who needs to know and who doesn't I think.

Keep writing ?

Rob1999
change can be good

Update 1-6-18

I took a leap of faith and about a week or so ago told my good friend about my struggles with my Ed, i sent him a link to my posts on this side told him it was mine, i was very nervous about doing so because thus far i haven't spoken to anyone about that side in m y life in about 4 years, and i went over to his place and we chatted, he was very understanding did not judge and was upmost supportive & i figured he would be, and in doing so i feel that some of the dark clouds i feel hover over me have gotten better because i took a chance and shared something, i did it because i felt he would better understand somethings about me,

I was right, for about a week and a half i have been doing better less depressed, more willing to accept help from him as a friend [ he is not pushy in any way] i had a very good time helping him the last 2 days i look forward to going out and hanging out with other people more than i have in a while, some other things i have done differently as well, i have been trying to be more positive and not so hard on myself and that is very hard. But i am glad to have said something for it opened up our friendship and i feel that since i trusted him that we have grown more close as friends. I am glad to have done so.

1-11-18 thursday
i had a rough day yesterday but used my buddy for support and today has started better i hope it continues to go well, my buddy is very supportive but non judgemental in a bad way, i am so glad i shared with him yesterday i was in a foul mood and i told him in the evening and he was strait forward in his reply of what to do, i like that about him he sayes what he thinks he is strait forward & i respect him for that.

BobJ48
Rob

Boy, it sounds like you made a good choice by taking a risk and telling your friend ! I suspect there are lessons to be learned from that. That emotional risk-taking can be good sometimes. That it's not weak to accept help from others. That it's a comfort when we can be known and accepted for ourselves, even though we may not be perfect.

While I know that there are still difficult matters to deal with, it sounds like your mood has improved.

And who would have thought, you know ?