National Eating Disorders Association

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binging more now its cold

i have been weight restored since this time last year, and i cannot stop binging all the time mainly in the evenings :( it makes me feeling disgusting. i used to purge after a binge and i have to fIGHT that urge now but its so difficult!! my parents dont understand and think im selfish when i eat all the food but i am finding it almost impossible to stop. i am gaining and losing weight all the time and it makes me feel so bad. i feel disgusted with what i look like, ive tried every technique to not binge but non of them work. i just dont see the point in anything. i hate my body. and everyone is irrating me 24/7 when they arent even doing anything wrong! i feel like a terrible person...

You are NOT a terrible person

You are NOT a terrible person! I'm so sorry you're struggling in your recovery right now. But you did not choose this! It is not your fault. And I'm really sorry you don't seem to have a lot of understanding and support from your family. So many just don't understand EDs. You are NOT selfish. In fact, the fact that you're still working on recovery shows just how amazing and strong you are. Have you tried looking for and talking to a therapist? I know it may sound cliche at this point, but I would never have come this far without mine. That would at least give you someone who understands, supports and validates you, and can even give you different strategies more individual to your situation. They can probably find something that will work for you so you don't have to continue suffering. You deserve happiness and health. Don't let anyone else (including your ED) try to tell you otherwise.
Stay strong,


Just wanted to say welcome to the forums & let you know that you're not alone. I can totally relate to what you're describing as my binge eating used to be particularly bad in the winter. I totally know how vicious the binge cycle can be and I am so sorry you are struggling. Above all, I want you to know that struggling with an eating disorder is not your fault. It does not make you selfish, weak, or mean you lack will-power. You have a mental illness and you did not choose it. I know it's so hard when others don't seem to understand the complexity and depth of ED.
I know for me, lasting recovery wasn't possible until I dug at the root of what was underlying my ED symptoms. Just trying to stop the behavior or find ways to not binge wasn't the issue- it was masking a deeper pain that needed healing. I would second jules suggestion to consider seeking a therapist who can guide you in this process. What are your thoughts on this?
Mostly just know you aren't alone. We're here and care about you <3 You are beautiful and wonderful and deserving of recovery. And things will get better. Hang in there and keep us posted.

I'm sorry you feel so unsupported

It is easy to feel very irritable toward the people all around you when you don't feel like any of them understand or want to lend their help or support. I know we might start sounding like a broken record, but I want to third the suggestion of finding a therapist to help you work through these frustrations. My therapist has helped me extensively in finding strategies that I never would have thought about to help manage the urges to use behaviors.

Is there anyone in your life you would trust to ask for support? I know that my own family doesn't understand and never will, so I try to commit to boundaries around them and spend more time with people who will support me, or just time with friends that isn't socially around food.
Reaching out on here is a great first step! Be proud of yourself!
Finding a support group in your area would be a nice idea too. Even if you don't feel like speaking, I find they are helpful to just sit and be with people that are going through the same kinds of things. I begin to feel a lot less alone.

I wish you the best, and am sending you my love, peace, and support through the internet!!

I also want to validate the title, cold weather triggers me as well.
I don't know how you have thought about coping with this, but I use a himalayan salt lamp and soft candles when I'm at home doing homework/paying bills/eating/falling asleep/etc.