National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
trying

Hi. I am needing some advice. Don't know where else to go and this might not be the right place. Most of you know of the situation with my sister(s). The one that I am living with decided to ask my parent's if they would ask me if I would be willing to go to counselling with her. In order to be able to live together. I said yes. But I didn't really want to but I was willing. Today was scheduled for out talk with my and her pastor. She never goes to church anymore but she knows and trusts him.. She had a migraine and therefore no counseling.

I said to my father two strikes. He was angry with me for saying that. He said I was not willing to be willing and my attitude stunk. I feel like a woman that has a husband who mistreats her then sends flowers and apologizes and everything is fine for a while until the next time, more apologies and It will NEVER happen again.

My sister in California is not being nice to me either. I feel as I always have in my family that I have no voice and when I use it I am told I am wrong. So my question is:

You may not be able to answer and if not I completely understand.

Do you think I should just tell my parent's that we need to go back to the first plan and have her live with them until she finds a place of her own? I really don't know what to do. If she is going to be cancelling our appointments because she isn't feeling well, what good does that do? I just don't know what to do.

Always being told that the way I say things and do things and think things is wrong and why are you thinking that way gets very burdensome for me. So any advice would be appreciated.

I hope you are okay and I pray you all sleep and have a restful night.
iwanttolive

Savedbygrace
I think

You should stick to the original plan. Also, what happens if she lies about your situation to the pastor? If she already lies about you to family members, what's to keep her from lying to someone outside the family? Abusers don't change. I think she just doesn't want to move, so she'll say anything to stay where she is. She will most likely never keep her word, thus will string you along, when in reality she has no intentions of changing. Those are my thoughts.

iwanttolive
Savedbygrace

Thank you so much for your response. I am deeply moved. I have to agree with you. She will continue to use her sweetness to deceive and although I know she loves me, she still will make me look bad.. What do you think about this statement: Boundaries don't keep people out, they fence you in? I was also told that I do not have the authority to dictate what she does. I have to learn to be respectful . This comes from my sister in California who is trying to fix things. I told her she can't as she is so far removed from the situation and I asked her not to be involved in this area of my life. She said I was being aggressive and divisive.

Boundaries are meant to protect.

Anyways. Thank you for your comments. They really mean a lot to me. I am scared to have another talk with my father. My pastor does not believe we should be living together and will be speaking to my dad. I hope you are hanging in there. Not too much longer.

What do you want to get out of your inpatient stay? Do you have some goals you want to address? Best wishes to you.
iwanttolive

Savedbygrace
That's good

That your pastor is willing to talk to your dad. Boundaries are healthy. I'm about to check mail to see if our insurance cards have come in the mail. I think I'll breathe easier once we physically have the insurance cards.
I'd like to learn how to deal and prepare myself when stress/extreme stress hits so I don't revert back to this stage in my inpatient and residential stay.

Savedbygrace
What's the update?

What has happened since we last chatted?

iwanttolive
Savedbygrace

Hi. Unfortunately my sister had a migraine so the therapy session, or talk with my pastor was cancelled. I have since talked with my mother, telling her about the cycle of an abuser, the apologies, I will never do that again, I will be kind and not mean, etc. I told my father two strikes. He got angry and said that was not a proper attitude and I needed to not be so negative. I told him I know my sister. There will be no guarantee that she will be accountable. I also told my Mom today that I don't trust my sister and I do not want to go to counseling with her. She lies and I will feel beat up after the sessions. She said she wanted to do it for her and my father. SO... I will be talking with both my parents and tell them that I am not doing therapy with her and I want to go back to the original plans and have her leave, live with them until she finds a place. She asked my mom to ask me if we could do counseling but even though I didn't want to I said ok. Today I told her I don't want to do it and she is pushing me to do it. But I don't think going to therapy is the solution. After she leaves maybe, but not while we are living together.

SO.... how are you? I hope things are getting a little better. Take care,
iwanttolive

Savedbygrace
It sounds like

You are sticking to your boundaries, which is good. I am not doing well, but I am trying. It just confirms with each time I try to eat that the hospital is where I need to be. If I'm eating, I'm acting on symptoms. If not, I'm restricting and acting on other behaviors. At this point, I know I need inpatient help as I cannot do this no matter where I am. Still waiting on insurance cards and December 20 when the insurance kicks in.

iwanttolive
Hi all

Hi. I think the situation with my sister is improving. I will say more later. I am doing much better and have a lot to say but I can not find my computer cord. I hope you are all doing okay. God has a way of using difficult situations for giving me the opportunity to tell others about Him. So for now I will say good night. It has been a very long day. iwanttolive