National Eating Disorders Association

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Bulimic girlfriend broke up with me

I have searched through all of the forums and I do realize that this is a common issue... But I feel my story is a little different (might not be) and want to get some insight.

My ex girlfriend has an eating disorder, and recently packed up to go get help. Well as it turns out, two days after her move, she calls and breaks up with me. She said she couldn't drag me through anymore of her issues and can't be a good partner to me right now. During the breakup call, I was calm, asked if there were any other options but I ended up accepting her wishes to be apart. Afterwards I researched the issue even harder, and from what I read online, I decided not to try to reach out to her. She sent me a text the next day that said "I hope you know I'm still not happy, and I miss you. I hate how easily overwhelmed I get recently." I took the whole day to think of something to say back to her. Later that day she sends my cousin a text that said "you and I both know he deserves better" along with expressing how poorly she is feeling. At the end of the day, I sent her a text saying "I miss you too. And I'm sorry things aren't going well for you out there. I understand you're trying to keep me at a distance from all of this, but I want you to know that it's not necessary. I want to be with you through this to help out any way I can." I still haven't gotten anything back from her and I understand. I'm still holding on to not contacting her unless she sends something my way so I don't intrude.

Just some side notes, she came from an extremely emotionally abusive relationship. She has previously expressed to my cousin (they became good friends) and her mom how much she loved me and how lucky she was to have me and all that. Of course, they recently decided to let me know multiple times about this.

I really care for this woman, but it is important to me that I don't beg my way back into this relationship. So my main question is, do couples come back after these kinds of things? and is there a way to send her messages letting her know I care for her without intruding?

BobJ48 I know this is probably getting redundant... But I could use your insight

Hey Nick


Yes, a pretty common reaction on her part I'm afraid. I worked on a forum for partners for ten years, and this sort of withdrawal was the number one thing that partners would show up to write about.

Like you said, it really can feel like a fine line : How we stay connected without seeming intrusive. Or saddling them with unintended feelings of obligation. And how we manage our own feelings too.

It can present a dilemma for sure.

On thing to keep in mind is that she *did* hear what you wrote her in your last text. She may not have responded, but I believe that she heard you and that she will remember your message and the sentiments behind it. So I hope you will take some comfort in that.

And I do believe you'll hear back from her. I think that you will. Once some of the confusion she's feeling about….pretty much everything….resolves itself a little. Because I have heard many people in her position talk about how grateful they are that their partners stuck with them in the face of some the things that they found themselves saying and doing when they were in the depths of things.

But yeah, how do we be patient, and how can we trust that we'll hear back from them ? I think the best thing to do is reflect back on some of the things she said to your cousin about you and the relationship earlier. It's not like the truth of those things will change for her, so I hope you can draw comfort from that.

Bob J.