National Eating Disorders Association

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dramaqueenjs
anger is normal right?

I am angry. There. I've said it. I'm angry. My younger sister just went in to treatment for an eating disorder. This is her first time in treatment for the ED but she's been through treatment for drug abuse among other things and today, and a lot of days, I am angry.
For years she has held the family hostage because no one wants to do anything that might upset her, for many years, I had to go pick up the pieces when things fell apart and now she's in treatment and I'm angry. Angry that she won't take it seriously and almost got herself kicked out, angry that everyone talks about how hard it is on my mom and my nephew but forgets I'm part of the picture, angry that she has been verbally abusive to me while I was hospitalized and people justified it because "she's sick" and that my mother couldn't be there when I was relearning to balance/walk because my sister "needed her more" and that she chose while I was on my dream vacation to launch another "it's all your fault that I'm sick" attack. I'm angry that I'm not allowed to have a bad day or be good at things because it upsets her. I'm angry that she has been enabeled and free of responsibility for her whole life and has never had to work for anything because she's sick. I'm angry that I get in trouble for putting up a protective barrier because it's too hard to be the "other kid" (even though I'm an adult). That's a lot of anger. And it's a lot to carry around and perhaps, today is particularly angry day because I have, in the last couple years, taken on being an athlete and I have a triathlon in 2 days. It will be the first time since my first race that my mom will come watch and she almost didn't come- because my sister melted down and almost got kicked out of treatment.
I miss having a relationship with my family that is based on it's own merits and doesn't revolve around my sister being sick. I tried to mend it and go on a family vacation last Christmas and her illness and addictions almost wrecked the trip.
I don't know how to be supportive anymore. I'm at my wits end. And I realize that it's selfish and I think sometimes that's ok but at this point the next time someone implies that I'm less important or don't need my mother because I'm "self-sufficient" and "healthy" my brain might melt.
You know, there's something about addressing the anger that makes one a little less angry

iwanttolive
dramaqueennjs

Hello, and welcome to the forum. I am so glad you did and I am glad you are expressing your anger. You have a right to be angry. You have been overlooked, and not cared for as you needed to be, you have as I read, been a little neglected. You have been the target of your sister's anger and missed out on a lot because of your sister's illnesses. Yes, it does feel good to express your anger. I only caution you to not get stuck in the anger. I don't know how ill your sister is, but I am sure you have been told, eating disorders are mental illnesses and when one is really undernourished, the brain doesn't work properly. It doesn't process. Fear is huge with someone who has an eating disorder. Illnesses such as drug addiction and eating disorders and alcoholism are used to serve a purpose. But then they take on a life of their own and professional help is often needed.
I am sorry you have been "lost" and all the attention has gone to your sister. I hope you consider getting help for yourself. I am not a professional. I have been in recovery for about seven months now. I hurt my family and scared them and was not a very nice person from what I have been told. My sisters never really accepted me and rejected me and tend to still do that. They couldn't handle the multitude of hospitals I was in. I had to forgive them and still need to forgive as I get rejected still. Acceptance is something I learned. Radical acceptance is a tool of DBT where you don't like a situation, you can't change a situation, but you accept it. It helps relieve some anger. If you haven't expressed your anger before, I am glad you did here. This is a safe forum where we understand each other because we've been though it ourselves or a family member, in your case, suffers. There is a support line> : 800-931-2237 where you can chat or talk with a volunteer who can recommend things to you I know not of. There are many sites here, I am not familiar with them but you can check it out with NEDA or someone who posts here always has this list of things offered on this site. I truly wish you the best, and am glad you blew off some anger, and hope you consider getting help for yourself. Eating disorders don't only affect one individual. But many are affected. Please post again. iwanttolive

dramaqueenjs
Thank you for your response.

Thank you for your response. I can only imagine the challenge of fighting the battle of the eating disorder. I have a pretty good understanding of the physiological and psychological impact on the person suffering (I have studied eating disorders and have enough psych courses to have a degree in it) but having a theoretical psychological understanding is different than the reality of the situation.
I've never really expressed my anger before. To be honest, I've never really been allowed to and I've just recently become aware that there IS anger. The expectation is usually that I smile and pretend all is well.
Expressing the anger has been helpful. It felt like a bit of a weight off my chest. Even tonight, celebrating competing my triathlon, the conversation started to center around my sister and I was grateful that my husband quickly redirected the conversation to a different direction. It's weird as an adult to be in a situation where you want to do the "hey what about me?" because it seems a little childish but it has long been my reality and will probably continue to be.
Sometimes- being the healthy "kid" sucks a little, I guess. I'm usually a pretty tough cookie but every so often I run out of steam.

iwanttolive
dramaqueenjs

Hi. Just checking in to see how you are doing. I understand the "what about me". You don't have to feel guilty. Feelings are feelings and it isn't wrong to have feelings. And you are correct in saying head knowledge is different than actually living it. I hope and will say a prayer for you and your sister that you are able to heal. iwanttolive

dramaqueenjs
Thank you for checking in.

Thank you for checking in.
I'm doing ok.
Today was a little bit testing because I got a reminder that there are "sides" that have been picked but these days happen.
One day at a time.

emem293
Hi, I'm Emily. Just wanted to

Hi, I'm Emily. Just wanted to express how nice it is to see people communicating and checking in on each other :).

dramaqueenjs
It is nice, isn't it? I

It is nice, isn't it? I definitely appreciate it.

iwanttolive
dramaqueennjs

Hi. So I am just checking in. Was wondering how YOU are, and then how your sister is. I hope you had a nice day, here on the east coast close to the beach, thirty minutes by the time we cross the bridge and park, it has been an amazingly beautiful day. Hope you sleep well and hope to hear from you again. iwanttolive

maddieebobaddiee
I completely understand

what you’re going through. I’ve had an amazing year and I felt so horrible on the inside because I felt like I was making my sister feel bad. I got a 4.0 this past semester and I’m absolutely IN LOVE with my major (general science/nursing) I got to take an exam to get into nursing school (I passed but didn’t get into the program, however, I’m able to retake the exam very soon) and I also feel bad that I get to live my life to the fullest while she needs to be careful. I’m going to a 4 year school for this upcoming fall semester as a visiting/transient student, and I’m SO excited to experience something new, but very scared about this huge change in my life. Small af community college to a HUGE university.. what?! My mom and dad don’t really know this, tbh, because I don’t wanna put anything extra on them and make them worry. I was also very angry to the point where I wanted to just be at school, never at home. I would purposely stay on campus until later to avoid time spent at home.

maddieebobaddiee
I completely understand

what you’re going through. I’ve had an amazing year and I felt so horrible on the inside because I felt like I was making my sister feel bad. I got a 4.0 this past semester and I’m absolutely IN LOVE with my major (general science/nursing) I got to take an exam to get into nursing school (I passed but didn’t get into the program, however, I’m able to retake the exam very soon) and I also feel bad that I get to live my life to the fullest while she needs to be careful. I’m going to a 4 year school for this upcoming fall semester as a visiting/transient student, and I’m SO excited to experience something new, but very scared about this huge change in my life. Small af community college to a HUGE university.. what?! My mom and dad don’t really know this, tbh, because I don’t wanna put anything extra on them and make them worry.