National Eating Disorders Association

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Not Sure

Hi I'm new to this forum. I really didn't know what ed was until I stumbled upon this website. I didn't realized the complexity of and the various branches of ed. It's good information.
I have a 14 year old struggling. From what I've read it sounds as if she has selective avoidance ed. I know what caused it I watched as it was happening and was ignored by her counselor at the time. She isn't under any counselors care now but she's under a doctors care in adolescent medicine that specializes in this area.
What I'm not sure is every 3 months or so we go for weight check ins and for female problems. I'm not sure what good this is doing and why I keep dragging her kicking hitting screaming all the way to these appointments. With my limited knowledge perhaps someone could explain why and if it is good to continue. Part of my frustration is without changing her emotional state finding a reason to keep going to these appointments.
Thank you for any advice

re: Not Sure

First of all, welcome to the forums! This is a great community full of people who are going through various versions of what you’re going through, so you’ve come to the right place for support.

I’m not sure I 100% understand what’s going on with your daughter. Can you provide a bit more detail? Has she been diagnosed with an ED? Did she receive treatment for the ED and then stopped receiving treatment? Are the three-month weigh-ins the only form of medical attention she’s currently receiving? Is she still exhibiting symptoms of her disorder?

In the meantime, I also wanted to direct you to some resources that might be helpful in terms of being the best support system you possibly can:

Parent Toolkit ( this is an incredible resource for anyone who's trying to support someone suffering from an ED.

General information about EDs:

ED-specific information:

Big list of links to resources that fall under the topic “how to help”--I suggest focusing on the Family, Friends and Caregivers section:

NEDA blog ( really great resource for stories of hope—not just for sufferers but loved ones too.

NEDA Helpline ( have you tried contacting the volunteers at NEDA, whether by phone or online chat? They can provide specific answers to some of your questions and they can also be a good shoulder to lean on when you just need a live body to talk to.

Please keep us posted on what's going on with your daughter. And never lose hope—I'm four years into full recovery and I never would have imagined that was possible five years ago. We're here for you.

Thank you

My daughter was critically under weight. She has been only seen by a doctor for lack of puberty and to watch her weight. As things stands now she has been diagnosed with unspecified ed. But from watching her she's selective, restrictive and obsessiive. Since I wrote this, I've chatted with a representative and got into contact with her doctor. I'm looking into the advice both recommend and weighing my options. We've tried counseling before only to have it go horribly wrong so not sure how well either option will be received. Thank you for the links I'll check them out.

re: Thank you

Hey ginan1—thank you for sharing this additional information. I can only imagine how frustrating and confusing it must be to get such an inconclusive diagnosis while your daughter is still suffering. I’m so glad you’ve reached out to a NEDA rep and a doctor. Did they provide any guidance you feel is helpful? I totally understand your skepticism about the therapy process—it's definitely not a silver bullet even in the best of cases, and especially not if you don’t find the right match. I really lucked out with my first therapist, who gave me a steel-strength framework for my initial recovery. But since then I’ve run into therapists who I honestly could not believe were mental health professionals. You really have to be patient and not give up hope that you’ll find someone who can be the rock your daughter needs. Please keep us posted on how everything’s going. Sending you good thoughts!