National Eating Disorders Association

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My husband just found out!!!

I am wondering how others have dealt with their spouses finding out about their ED. I am so ashamed and now feel as ALL eyes are on me although they aren't. He has been so supportive and understanding. How have people dealt with this? I feel like such a huge disappointment.

You are NOT a disappointment

Hi czaya -

That disappointment and shame you feel is coming from your eating disorder. You have nothing to feel ashamed of - you didn't choose to have an eating disorder. I understand very well what you are feeling though, because it's hard to not feel like we have let people down.

I'm so happy to hear that your husband is being supportive. He seems to understand that this is not your fault. I went through the same feelings when my husband found out. I felt like such a failure. I eventually learned that not only was that not true, but I was actually the opposite! The more you talk with him about what you are going through, the less judgment you may feel from within. Try to remember that those negative feelings are your eating disorder and you deserve all the love and support your husband is giving you!

Spouse Found Out (heck, she already knew)

She convinced me to seek help. I over-exercise and am orthorexic, greatly fearful of gaining any weight even if it's muscle.

I personally am not dealing with it well and my kids and wife are suffering the absence of their father on a daily basis. If there is someone out there that can help with ideas on how to rid us of this albatross, please let us know. It's been devistating, and I know what you mean about the disappointment portion. Do yourself a favor right NOW, and don't let the ED define your value. Love on your husband, and your family. The longer this thing has ANY say, the worse it gets.

Praying for you.

keep breaking the wall

Thank you for your post and for reaching out about this! You are not a failure. My fiance notices my ED behaviors, and when he asks me about them, Ed tells me to keep it quiet and not talk about it. Last night for the first time I decided to answer by teling him what is going on, and it was amazing how freeing it was. The more I spoke honestly, the less self judgment I displayed because vocalizing my Ed gave him less wweight. If you find yourself i a similar situation, don't be afraid to use your inner strength to speak out rather than hide behind your Ed-imposed wall. You may be pleasantly surpised at how it helps.
Blessings to you!

Find a Community


I completely agree with all of the above responses. Sometimes it is hard for a spouse or loved one to fully understand and support someone with an eating disorder. Having a community of support for themselves is helpful and important. I encourage all those who have spouses or loved ones to talk to others for support- you are not alone. Here are two resources that come to mind:

The Parent Family Friends Network is a great way to find local support groups. I would highly recommend contacting a NEDA Navigator. This individual can guide you along in finding resources closer to your area or for your specific needs. As far as the second link, NEDA holds support groups in their offices in New York City. Call 212-575-6200 for more details.

Like I said, eating disorders should never be fought alone. There are others out there willing to help!

Hope this helps!

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