National Eating Disorders Association

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On the brink of an ED

I'm not even sure I'm posting this in the correct forum but I needed someone to speak to and I didn't know where else to go.
I have always been unhappy with my weight, ever since I can remember I've always disliked aspects of my body and how clothing fit. I have also grown up being well educated on eating disorders; I am an avid reader and had read some books on them. I remember reading the first book that exposed me to anorexia and feeling terrified but I never thought anything like that could happen to me because "I loved food too much."
Now, I count my calories daily, restrict as much as I can and purge quite often. I know exactly what I'm doing to myself and I'm so scared. Trying to keep myself "slim" is so powerful that it's too hard to stop but I'm scared I'm ruining my life. I can't speak to anyone, my family are going through a lot at the moment. Any advice??

London1621
Hugs

I'm sorry that you are having a really hard time right now. I am sorry that you can't tell anyone about this in your family, can you write down what you are going through and have them read it or a good friend? I really hope you will be ok. Hugs.

justgina
Advice

Hey [email protected]—welcome to the forums! We're so glad you found us and you've definitely come to the right place for support. First, I want to assure you that you are NOT alone in these feelings. Eating disorders are powerful, and we often know the damage we are doing to our bodies but feel like we can’t stop them. But the good news is, we're powerful too! with the right support and tools, we can beat them. It is tough, so be gentle with yourself, but it does sound like you’re aware of your behaviors worsening and want them to stop.

I know you said you feel that you can’t talk to your family right now. Eating disorders can be very difficult to fend off on your own, though, so it’s important to find someone whom you can go to for support during this process. If you're unable or not comfortable seeking professional help (or even if you are ready) don’t hesitate to reach out to someone at the NEDA helpline: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment/treatment-and-sup...).

Remember, it is never too early (or too late) to make a change toward recovery or a healthy relationship with food. Please keep us posted on how you're doing. You're never alone here!