National Eating Disorders Association

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Best Friend/ Ex Gf

Okay , so I'll keep it short
She is my best friend for more than 7 years now .
We dated for 6 months recently and then she decided to break up. After ( I admit ) pressurizing her , she told me she has bulimia . Now I seriously love her so it was a complete rollercoaster for me ...We didn't talk for 7 months because of her exams which were stressful for her . So those months were terrible ...I started self harming , took antidepressants ,talked to shrink and everything ... I am fine now but that's not the point . Her exams have ended and she's back on texting mode ..Fast forward and we are fighting where she is telling me to move on , forget about her , "find someone better" , that she is incapable of love and etc . Everyone is telling since the break up that I should forget about her ...But knowing her for this long ..I sense she is pushing me away to protect me . But I'm not sure ..the only dilemma is whether I should stick by her side or move on .. I've already told her that relationships for her are stressful so I don't have a motive to get back together ..I just want to support her but she's shutting me out

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing.
Eating disorders can certainly distort thinking. And like you mentioned, they can drive people to push loved ones away for fear of "dragging them down" with the sufferer. In terms of whether or not you two get back together, thats up to her. That being said, you still can try to be involved in her life if she'll have you. The NEDA website has a lot of good info that can inform you on eating disorders as well as help her if you pass them along to her.
Here's some info for you:

And some for her:
NEDA helpline: 1-800-931-2237
And I think she could benefit from just visiting the sight/forums herself.

Hopefully that helped a bit. Check out some of the other threads on the forums. And keep us updated.
Oh, and good on you for getting help with your own troubles. Gotta make sure you look out for yourself too.


Hi jackh!

Hi jackh!

Welcome to the NEDA online forums! I am so glad that you have found the forums for some help and support! I agree with what Adage posted previously. The NEDA website has a lot of resources for you and your friend to utilize.

Coming from my own personal experience with an eating disorder and when I was at my absolute worst, I felt like a burden to others, especially my friends and family. I know she is pushing you away and for me, I did the exact same thing. However, looking back on the situation now, I'm so glad my friends and family stuck around to see me through that difficult time in my life.

I know it is so difficult to know what to say or what to do in these situations but it is great to hear that you took care of yourself first. You have to be able to take care of yourself before you can try and help others is what I have discovered. Has the therapist you've been seeing made any suggestions on what to do in this situation with your best friend? Or is this something you have brought up in therapy recently?

Let us know if there is anything more we can do to help you! I wish you the best of luck!


Hi jackh,

Thank you for posting some of your story here! I'm sorry to hear about all of the difficulties you're dealing with. I totally agree with Erin_Patricia1, it's great that you're taking time to take care of your own health and well-being. Like the saying goes, "you can't pour from an empty cup", so before you can help your friend, you need to be in a good place yourself. It's great that you're seeing a professional. I hope you're finding it helpful. If you ever need someone to talk to, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (call 1-800-273-8255 or chat online at ) and the Self Injury Hotline (800-366-8288) are great resources.

I think Adage and Erin_Patricia1 both shared some great advice and links. I agree that you should do some more reading about EDs to try and understand your friend's mindset. The "ED voice", as some people call it, can really distort the world and make it hard to see things as they are. Even if your friend isn't saying so, I'm sure she appreciates your support. I second the recommendation that you talk with your therapist and get his/her advice about what to do. You might have to step back a bit and put yourself first, but that doesn't mean you can't check in with your friend once in a while and let her know you're there and that you care about her. A little bit of encouragement can go a long way. I would also recommend that you encourage your friend to seek help and resources. The NEDA site is a great starting point, as is the NEDA Helpline (she can call or chat online here: ).

It sounds like you're a sensitive, caring person. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you in her life! Please keep us updated and let us know if you need support. Good luck!

stay strong

I can't give you any advice. I started a relationship with my best friend too, and she has an ED and she's constantly pushing me out and breaking my heart.

For me it was important to know all people with EDs do the same. It's not you. She doesn't want to hurt you. Something has kidnapped her, and that something doesn't let you reach her. This is not always comforting enough, but it makes a small difference.

The thing is, if you fight back when she hurts you, it makes everything worse. It seams that you are not allowed to have feelings because she is worse. Please do know that your feelings are important, and that your suffering is huge, and it deserves to be addressed. Just...She isn't the one that can help you, even if you need that as much as breathing.

Seek help in friends and family, therapy, writing... Take small breaks from this. it's a battle that we can't win for them. IT's important that we do our best so the "enemy" doesn't take us too, we won't be able to offer any support if we fall.

As to be together... Most people say today "stay away from toxic people", I find that very annoying. Love always has a part of suffering, and sacrifice, ask any mother who loves her kids. Only you can decide whether to stay or to let her go. It seems you had a really bad time when you didn't talk. So it's never easy.

Good luck to both of you. You both carry a large burden. I hope you find a way to beat this.