National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
To believe or not to believe

Sometimes I don't understand why when one is overeating and gaining weight people don't really take it seriously and aren't all that concerned, but when that same person begins to lose noticeably, those same people begin to become very concerned. Why don't they realize it isn't good either way.

I have been complaining for months that I haven't been feeling well, with stomach problems and not being able to eat enough to sustain myself, not take in enough fluids for medical reasons, and that this has resulted with playing tricks with my ED mind. For a week I have had the runs but today topped it off with twelve times running to the bathroom. My Dad says I am not making sense when I am talking and both my parents tell me I look terrible. He thinks the worst and that I am at the low end of normal when I am at a good weight. He is scared. He doesn't want me driving unless it is absolutely necessary. He says I can't find my words and speak very slowly.

I am like, well I have been saying for three months that something is wrong and everyone is saying it is the eating disorder. Now all of a sudden you are concerned because of the weight loss? what about when I was gaining all that weight, why weren't you so concerned then. That hurts me more psychologically than the weight loss.

So I have to call yet another doctor tomorrow because my Mom, the nurse, thinks I may have c-diff. It can be very dangerous if left untreated.

I am tired of doctors and more doctors and feeling sick and being sick. I just want a normal life void of doctors. I was supposed to go to Hershey Park in Pennsylvania on Saturday with two of my new friends but now I can't go. I can barely work four hours twice a week.

Enough blabbing on and on. I just really need to talk and have no one to talk to who really understands, so I came here. The eating disorder thoughts are not all that bad. They have taken a back seat since this bathroom situation.

I hope you are doing well. Don't forget, no matter where you are in your recovery journey, say one nice thing to yourself before you go to sleep tonight. And believe it!!!!!!!

dropthemetaphor
re: To believe or not to believe

The perennial question! I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. On top of the physical issues you're experiencing, it must be so frustrating to feel like the people you love have had misguided reactions. You're such a warrior and I really admire your resilience and hope in the face of everything you're dealing with. So good to hear the ED thoughts are at bay—that's huge, something to celebrate! Sending good thoughts your way and hoping the docs show you a way forward soon. In the meantime, never stop fighting.