National Eating Disorders Association

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KristiLeigh
BED Recovery - is this normal? Losing weight triggering binges.

I've had binge eating disorder for a few years now with varying degrees of severity but I had been doing really well the past couple of months. I rarely binged, my weight came down, I didn't obsess over food... I felt like a normal person and like I was leaving my ED behind. However, over the past few days things have been different.

After not binging and picking up a new job that's pretty active, some of my clothes started feeling loose so I decided to weigh myself (which I normally avoid doing) and it turned out that I'd lost a bit. I felt good about it and I took it as another indicator that I was really recovering. But I feel like since then I've started focusing more on my weight, like wanting to lose more and wanting to do extra things to help myself lo lose more but conversely, I'M BINGING AGAIN. Like daily.

I feel sort of deflated. And I have been through a similar pattern to this a few times before. I'll feel better, binge less and lose weight, but it's like once I step on the scale and know what my weight is, I try to control it, and then the binging comes back and so does the weight I'd been so happy about losing.

I usually dread weighing myself and the scale usually affects me negatively but I just cannot stand not knowing what my weight is if I suspect I've lost weight. In my head I attach a lot of importance to my weight. More than I should, for sure, but it is so hard to root out of your brain that your worth as a human being isn't dependent on a number on the scale.

I guess mainly I'm just wondering if others have gone through anything similar, where like seeing their weight go down in recovery puts them back into binge eating.

Mady1012
Hi Kristileigh!

Firstly, congrats on doing so well for a while now that's great! It's not uncommon to experience relapses. EDs can be very powerful sometimes, and each individual will sometimes have different triggers to their symptoms. It seems as though you are aware of what yours are. I know it's easier said than done, but it may be best to overall avoid the scales and your weight. Our weights will never define who we are. Do you have a support system or therapist you can talk to? It may be helpful to talk to someone, and if you are in need of some resources, the NEDA Helpline can provide you with resources in your area and you can contact them M-TH 9AM-9PM and F 9AM-5PM EST at 1-800-931-2237. I hope things get better, and remember you are a lot more than the number on the scale. :) Keep pushing forward Kristileigh and let us know how you are doing!

Mady

KristiLeigh
Thanks so much for the

Thanks so much for the response Mady. That made me feel better to read! I don't have a therapist but there are a select few who know about my BED who I could talk to. They are supportive when I talk with the them but I usually feel too embarrassed to bring up any difficulties I'm having with binging. It definitely does seems like it would be helpful to talk with someone though. I will keep NEDA's resources in mind. Thank you again so much!!

Kristi

mameegan
i get it

Hi! I completely understand what you are experiencing. I am going through pretty much the same thing right now. I have wafted between BED and restricting for 2 decades. I do not weigh myself, however, the moment i veer from my nutritionists meal plan, i binge. It is bec while I follow it, my weight stabilizes (goes down a bit bec I'm not bingeing) i get a little more comfortable with myself and then I push it, try to control it, begin to restrict and then binge. It is so incredibly hard to see our value beyond our weight,appearance etc. I have seen full recovery however. Keep pushing on! You may be stumbling forward, but you are moving forward. Fall down 10times, get up 11.

Hugs and high fives!

KristiLeigh
Hello! Wow. "I get a little

Hello! Wow. "I get a little more comfortable with myself and then I push it, try to control it, begin to restrict and binge." I read and I thought, "that's me!!!" Thanks so much for responding. Somehow it makes you feel better to know there are people who really can understand what your dealing with and that you're not alone in the struggle. Thanks so much for the words of encouragement too. Baby steps :) and I hope all goes well with your continued recovery. Sounds like you've got the determination to work to beat it and like you know yourself well. Hugs and high fives to you too!!!

mameegan
there are many

I believe there are many who experience this same thing just few talk about it. one of my favorite quotes is you don't need to see the whole staircase to take the first step. We CAN do this! I hope today was peaceful for you. if not, tomorrow is a new one.

KristiLeigh
I hadn't heard that quote

I hadn't heard that quote before but I like it! Motivating. Thanks for sharing it :) hope today was a good day for you as well!

kelsey207
Hi KristiLeigh,

Thank you for sharing with us! I just wanted to chime in and say that while I haven't experienced this myself, I've heard of this kind of thing happening with many people with BED (and similar relapse situations with people with other EDs, as well.) EDs are tricky; they put up a good fight to try and keep you sick. However, you're strong and you can overcome this.

Congratulations on your progress toward recovery so far; that's great to hear. Try to focus on how far you've come and don't be afraid to take a moment to pat yourself on the back for the successes you've made.

I also just wanted to add that if you call the NEDA Helpline (or use their click-to-chat function: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-referral-helpline), they have listings for support groups, as well. If you aren't sure about seeing a therapist or another kind of professional, you might still be interested in a support group. As you said, hearing from other people who are going through similar things can help remind you that you aren't alone.

Good luck! Please keep us updated here on the forums about how you're doing! :)

KristiLeigh
Thanks so much for your input

Thanks so much for your input and encouragement!! Kind words from others really go a long way. And thanks for the tip about the support group listings. I've thought about seeking out a support group before so think I may check in to that. Thanks again. :)

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