National Eating Disorders Association

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snapfizz
Anger over recent guardianship and threats

Our daughter just turned 18 and in order to keep her in a residential/inpatient program we petitioned for a guardianship. She is just getting off the NG tube today, partly motivated to show the court she is eating. She has had anorexia since Sept. 2013 and has been in nine different facilities including a recent, three-month stint in hospital and on a feeding tube. She also has severe depression and has clearly stated many times over that she will not eat when she's out of treatment. Prior to the guardianship she only wanted to come home and live with us. Now she is threatening to end he rlife if we leave it in place. We are reassured by her therapist and others that we are doing the right thing, but of course hearing her pitiful pleas and threats make it very hard. Her weight is tracking well and she is doing the program.

Our daughter says that we cannot force treatment and that we have to allow her to fall on her face and see anorexia as the enemy. It's a constant reminder that some people's deepest lows are much deeper than another's. She has always been the most stubborn person I know. I never want the panicked ER trips again worrying that her heart will give out and it will be too late. While she is in treatment I feel she will be safe, but can anyone share a similar experience and the success/failure they had? We are also still waiting for the more "rational brain" to kick in when she is better fed, but I know that is not a magic bullet just a hopeful uptick.

Thanks

kelsey207
Hi snapfizz,

Thank you for posting here! I'm sorry for all of the challenges your daughter's ED has put you all through. It certainly sounds like your family is dealing with a lot right now. I think it's a good sign if your daughter's therapist says that you're doing the right thing, but it's definitely understandable to feel conflicted and unsure in a situation like this. It can be so hard to separate the ED from the individual, and it can be hard to know when it's your daughter talking or when the ED is "doing the talking". I hope that she'll continue re-feeding and get healthier so her brain can function more effectively and she can be in a better position to fight this.

I think that many of us here on the forums can relate to what you're going through, even if the specific circumstances are different. We all feel for you.

You might already be aware of some of these resources, but here are some links to pages around the NEDA site that may be of use to you:
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-family-friends-network
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sites/default/files/Toolkits/Par...
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/advice-by-and-for-parents-o...
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/recovery-dad
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/stories-of-hope/if-i-knew-then-w...
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-navigators
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/stories-of-hope

Good luck to you and your family, snapfizz! Please keep us updated on how things are going.

Adage
Better safe than sorry

I'm so sorry to hear that you and yours are having such a rough time of it. I think that Kelsey has said all that I would. I understand that you probably have your daughter's suicidal ideations on watch, but I just wanted to make sure that you have all the resources that you can available to you.
This helpline is for dealing with self harm: Self-Harm Prevention line at 1-800-334-4357
And this one deals directly with suicidality: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
I really do hope that things work out in the end.