National Eating Disorders Association

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kim50
Anger?

I am certain that my spouse has a binge eating disorder. I think he knows he has it, but he won't tell anyone. It's hard to watch someone you care about go through something like this, especially when you see them hurting themselves and their health is slowly deteriorating. But sometimes I feel anger too...for which I feel ashamed. I know that he doesn't want an eating disorder, and he also feels ashamed. I guess the reason I am angry is because the disorder affects a lot of things...our relationship, his relationship with the kids, our sex life, finances, etc. Sometimes it feels as though he is refusing to face the issue and get help...in other words, he is choosing the addiction over everything else. Has anyone else felt this way?

I don't mean to sound selfish. I just feel sometimes as though his mind is not really here...as though his focus is always on something else. We have problems with trust because he is often dishonest with me about what he spends his money on. He will spend large amounts, but yet will come home empty handed. If I ask him about it (even nicely), he will get defensive and turn it around on me saying that I am micromanaging. I think he spends it on food and just doesn't want to admit it. It hurts our finances and we are often not able to afford things that we need, Also, his health has gone downhill. He now has erectile disfunction...and even medications are not working. This upsets him greatly. The doctor suggested testosterone replacement, which he is not following through on. He has also started having symptoms of psoriasis just in the last couple of years. The rashes on his skin smell really bad. It's disappointing that we are not able to be intimate in the bedroom. Any my sex drive has suffered. His energy level and motivation has also declined. He will often comit to things but then won't do them because he doesn't feel like it. I get very little help with the kids or the house. I just feel as though he is neglecting responsibilities and neglecting his family. I noticed recently that our oldest daughter (7 years old), never includes him in pictures she draws. Our kids are not very close to him because he seems to be so detached. I wonder if his computer usage has gotten out of hand due to his eating disorder. I sometimes wonder if he uses it as an escape from reality. He is addicted to online video games and spends all evening (every night) playing them as well as a large amount of time on the weekends. It feels as though we aren't really a couple anymore...and he is physically there, but not mentally. He doesn't want to do anything else besides be on his computer or spend time with his best friend. I'm just venting I guess. I find myself thinking about it alot. I know that this is his issue to deal with and all I can do is offer support. But it just hurts. And I don't really know how to talk to him about it, or if I should.