National Eating Disorders Association

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chunkymonkey68
Alarm went off @ 3:45 AMish, not 5 :45???

I rolled out of bed and didn't realize that it was ONLY 3:45 AM. I set my alarm for 5:45 to awaken a tad earlier due to weather cond. However, I must have touched the Hour Portion of my alarm, because the clock was 2 hrs fast????Or i have a sneaky stalker who made me awaken 2 hrs earlier than intended by manipulating 1 of the clocks variables, a very important Variable.....x vr Y vr ZZZZZ.

So I had a chance to actually eat a full breakfast, coffee, _,_,and _.....for my breakfast. Usually I am lucky to eat 1 or 2 pieces of food, 2 diff food groups and rush out the door to heat car up and fight the frost or rain as I drive to my daily morning until 4PM ish job.

I sure wish i could be awarded w/ a 25yr employee, plus M.S. degree (raise in pay). Am I asking for much, REALLY. Its not like subs get any med benefits, even the teachers from what I hear must pay $1,000 a month for Kaiser health Ins.

That's way over my budget. Budgets really do help me NOT to go way out of my spending range. The budget definately helps me to control my food frenzies. But gee, I could sure use extra funds for clothing expenses, and to save up for a nice car, and have money to save for the future.

I have no hubby and its scary having to make ends meat from month to month all on my own. Its REALLY quite a NATURAL downer.....Try living on your own and being on budget, and then wanting to buy comfort food to sooth yourself over whatever issues trigger your binges. Its just stressful, I feel, for me---totally...

My younger brother, age 46 now, makes me livid w/ internal fury. He sleeps all day. never washes his dishes, or would help vacuum the house, or clean up his bathroom. My mom did all the housework, and controlled our kitchen so she never had to clean any more mess than she made herself.

Its very frustrating feeling like an Indentured Servant after my dad , last of my parents, passed away. I am left here with a very old house, and tons of chores and monthly expenses from suprise expenses such as toilets overflowing spontaneously, water heaters exploding in the garage out of the blue, monthly gardening expenses as I am allergic to grass and hate noisy lawn mowers too.

Some day, I see myself living in a small studio for seniors, or renting a small studio somewhere in the city near public transportation and grocery stores and places worth walking to.

If I am stuck living here forever I am not sure how life will ever improve so long as i am a slave to my emotionally delayed and disturbed , to a certain extent, younger adult brother. Kaiser does not reimburse me for caring for his end of the house, and he pays the landlord for the space he rents here. I get nothing from him, and its just a very difficult adult situation to be stuck in. I would like to rent a room to a female housemate, but there is no privacy room in this old house, and I feel so suffocated over the work required of me to run this old house, plus work, plus running errands outside the house, and being all on my own...My relatives are all super distant from me too.

It just seems like walking is a good thing whenever I can as it helps me to get outside of myself and outside of everything that is swallowing me up w/o a choice round here. No one is on my side, and I hate this subsistence i am merely surviving in.

dropthemetaphor
re: Alarm went off @ 3:45 AMish, not 5 :45???

Hey--I just wanted to say I read your post and I'm really sorry you're struggling. This does sound like a really difficult situation. Are you stuck with the house or is it possible to get out and rent your own place? It sounds like you're holding up a lot all by yourself right now. I'm sorry I don't have much advice to offer--mostly just wanted to let you know someone's here to listen. Hope you're having a better week.