National Eating Disorders Association

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afraid I'm relapsing

I'm nervous. I've been recovered for a little over 10 months and I'm now starting to have a hard time. When I first came out of the program I was in I had trouble but I got it together and made the decision to keep asking the doctors to not tell me my weight because it seems like that's triggering for me. I always would step on the scale back wards when I went to doctors offices because that was what helped me in the program. After like 6 months i felt really good and I hadn't had any bad thoughts in a while, so one day when I went in I told the nurse I wanted to see what I weighed. Now every time I go I look at my weight and when it says I've lost weight it makes me happy. I'm still losing extra weight that I gained during the recovery process. Now I've taken it a step further and started weighing myself at home. I would weigh myself like once a month and it wouldn't bother me but then I started thinking I want to lose weight again. The past couple weeks have been difficult. I weigh myself at home a lot and workout. I started off eating healthy but then once I saw I was losing weight I thought how much more I would lose if I started restricting and still worked out. I've lost a few pounds this past week. I've started restricting. And now I don't ever feel hungry or have an appetite. I just want to be thinner. I don't want to relapse but I'm afraid I've already been relapsing. I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell my parents because I don't want them to worry.

First of all, thank you for

First of all, thank you for coming to the forums and opening up. There is a wonderful community of support here, and I hope you will find the same. It’s incredible that you’ve been recovered for so long, and I can definitely see the motivation you have to stay that way. Are you currently seeing a therapist or nutritionist? If not, I highly recommend doing so. Also, I know you mentioned that you don’t want to tell your parents because you don’t want them to worry, but I do know how important it is to have a support system, and I’m sure they’d rather know how you’re feeling so they can be there for you. I do understand how difficult it is, though, so please keep posting on here if you feel the need to do so. In the meantime, you can consider contacting the NEDA Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 (Mon-Thurs, 9 AM - 9 PM and Fri, 9 AM - 5 PM) for additional support.

Stay strong!

I do have a therapist.

Thank you so much. I guess it is pretty awesome how long I have been recovered. I honestly don't want to go back to how I was before. It means a lot of being unfocused and feeling sad, obsessed, and hurt. I don't think I want to put myself through that again. Right now I have a choice to be made and I want to stay in recovery. I worked so hard to get here so I shouldn't mess that up now((:

Your parents really need to

Your parents really need to know, especially if you are a minor and they are the ones that can get you help. Do you see a therapist? I would highly recommend it. We all need help and recovery can be a two steps forward one step back. The important thing is to get help asap rather than waiting til you are back to square one. What tools can you use to get back on track til you have professional help?

Tools I can use.

So I talked to my youth leader at church and I really feel that if I get my relationship with God right again that I will be okay! I'm I didn't eat much yesterday but I feel that today is a new day and it'll be better. I might even treat myself. I do have a therapist but she didn't it come yesterday to my school to see me. She was probably sick or something. I got a lot of my feelings out last night at church.