National Eating Disorders Association

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Afraid to gain, afraid to lose

It's coming to that time of year again; a time of change. The college year is less than two weeks away for me now, and I am down right terrified. Not only are classes and obligations stressing me out, but I've gotten used to the work, eat, exercise routine of the summer. Now, I'm afraid to break it. I know I'm going to have to, but I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm afraid I will do it wrong. I definitely cannot afford to lose weight no matter what right now, but with the school year starting, I'm afraid I'm going to. I know that should be easily preventable, but I'm also afraid to gain weight. The routine I got used to kept me maintaining. Now with a changing schedule and general lifestyle, I'm afraid I won't know how to get in a new eating routine that will help me continue that. I'm afraid of gaining weight, but because of that fear, I'm also afraid that I will overcompensate and lose weight! I don't think I want either of those things happening. I just want to be able to find a balance. I don't know what to do, and I am so scared. I am afraid to trust my body and my own mind. I just don't know where to turn. I'm sorry that was so long-winded. I could just really use some advice and guidance right now.

Hi julia.langlois!

Hi julia.langlois!

I know how stressful it can be to worry about major life events while also going through recovery. Too many things can lead you back to old habits, but I know you can hit that balance you're looking for. Do you have access to counseling services and/or your recovery team while you're in college? Do you have a solid support system? I strongly encourage you to contact the NEDA Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 (Monday-Thursday from 9:00 am - 9:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am - 5:00 pm EST) whenever you need to talk to someone and keep you on a healthy path. They will also be able to provide you with resources about counseling and group therapy in your area so you can continue treatment, and don't forget that we are always here for you on the NEDA forums!

Please keep positive thoughts and keep us updated on your progress!