National Eating Disorders Association

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Farli
Advice Please

Hi

I am from the UK and I am working towards recovery. It has been 4 years since I left the mental health services along with 10years of continuous hospital admissions. I am doing much better since going it alone in terms of eating, weight gain, variety of foods and working on myself, however, it's a long and slow road. The trouble I am having and have been struggling with for a while is that I don't feel able to keep control of my calorie allowance. I feel like it's spiralling and it's scaring me it won't stop. I'm not eating a healthy amount yet but is increasing slowly over time and i don't mean I'm bingeing but it feels like I can't restrict anymore. I know that should be a good thing anyway but it doesn't feel like it because of how it's coming about. To make matters worse I get terribly hungry around my monthly cycles and then I can't help myself. I've tried drinking water and all the other tricks that are known. On one hand I think it's giving my weight a little boost but then the anorexia seems to get louder and my mood and value get so so low. I don't have any real support when things like this happen because I guess people don't really care how you're gaining weight as long as u r. For me I want to feel safe doing it, in control and at a pace I can manage and right now I don't feel that. Everyone just thinks I'm doing really well but I feel so terrible. I keep telling myself everyday it's ok and it's a good thing but then I feel the anxiety and panic etc. I'm a restricting anorexic I do not purge or binge. I can't exercise as my knees have had it and I'm waiting an op plus I have asthma and pmdd and so I'm really kinda not able to do any exercise except housework and going to the grocery store. I feel a bit angry with feeling how I feel when I'm such a positive person and know I can do it and I want to do it and I am doing it but I just feel like I can't stop and I don't know why or how to handle it.

Any suggestions how to handle it or the people around me or if this is normal during recovery?

Thanks do much

Farli xxx

LegacyofLove
Advice Please

Dear Farli,

You are taking an important step in the right direction, by reaching out for support through this forum. Thank you for bravely sharing your story. Most of us at this forum have battled an ED and have fully recovered, or are in recovery, or seeking help to move towards recovery.

I have a few questions in an effort to try and best help you. You mentioned you feel you've been doing better

In answer to your question, YES, this is normal (if there is such a thing) to feel angry or frustrated with the challenges one faces throughout their recovery. It is definitely a process with ups and downs, but I believe in YOU, and know, with help, you will claim the life you deserve that's free of an ED!

You mentioned you've been doing much better since you've been going this alone. I'm glad you've made progress and feel encouraged by this. However, my concern is, that it's incredibly difficult to overcome this disease without medical support. As you know, it's a complex mental disorder.

It's not uncommon that the more you claim a life free of an ED, the voices will sometimes become louder in an effort to keep control. It sounds like that's what you're describing. There's great, inspirational Stories of Hope I think you might enjoy reading. I've posted the link below.

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/stories-of-hope

Have you considered at least going to a support group? I would also recommend that you contact the NEDA Helpline (Mon. - Thurs. 9am-9pm/Fri. 9am-5pm/EST) to just discuss your recovery frustrations with. They are all individuals that understand the process, because they personally have survived and ED. They are compassionate and unbelievably helpful. You are NOT alone. This is another great resource for you.

Also, there's a few links below you might find helpful:
Positive body image: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/developing-and-maintaining-positi...
Sharing w ease: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sharing-eeease
Support groups: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-support-groups
Recovery and relapse prevention: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/recovery-and-relapse-prevention
Slips, lapses and relapses: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/slips-lapses-and-relapses

Please keep us posted on how we can further support you. We are here for you every step of the way!

Healing Hugs,
Legacy of Love

LegacyofLove
Advice Please

Dear Farli,

I forgot to include the NEDA Helpline phone number. #1.800.931.2237.

You're worth the call and they're waiting to help you! We're here for you as well!

Healing Hugs,
Legacy of Love

Farli
Thank u for replying and for

Thank u for replying and for all the information. I will definitely look into those. I really appreciate your efforts. Thanks u and take care

Farli