National Eating Disorders Association

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lotala333
Advice?

For a long time, about six years at this point, I've been really scared of my dad. I'd like to preface this by saying he's not abusive and even if he was, I'm an adult now so this is out of my control. I know fully well that he wants the best for me and the rest of my family. He just has a very loud, controlling way of parenting at times. I'd avoid him whenever possible no matter what it took and I still do. It got to the point where I would, and still will, stay in my room for a day, two or even more at a time and starve myself just so I wouldn't have to face him because I was always worried he'd have something to be mad about. Anyway, this has been going on for six years and I've grown so accustomed to starving myself like this that I can barely eat an entire meal anymore without feeling like I'm going to vomit. I don't know what to do. I always feel sluggish and have low energy and even when I'm hungry, my body won't let me eat. I'm not comfortable going to someone about it either and it feels like there's no way out. I don't know if this qualifies as a disorder or not. If it doesn't, I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time venting.

cscs88
Hi lotala333, I'm glad you

Hi lotala333, I'm glad you reached out and sorry to hear you are struggling. I would recommend reaching out to the NEDA Helpline at 800-931-2237 to talk about what you are going through. It could be a great resource without having to go in to see a professional sine you mentioned you didn't feel comfortable with that.

BobJ48
Dad.

Hey Lotala,

Ugh, I'm sorry that home life with your dad is so oppressive ! Who knows why he's so angry and irritable, but some men can be that way. It's the worst when they always have critical things to say about us, particularly if we already have some personal things that we are sensitive about to begin with. Even if we don't, hearing all that stuff, and knowing that more of it is hovering in the background, just that alone can begin to eat into our sense of ourselves.

It sounds like you understand that you are probably a good person, but at the same time, I can see where you'd want to protect yourself from his irritability, and his seeming dissatisfaction with you.

And now the associations with food too !

I do hope you'll call the hotline, and think about getting some support for yourself. While you may feel like it's not a serious enough thing to get counseling, it kind of sounds like it's gotten to where it might be. Blah blah blah : No one likes the idea of "having a problem" and needing to get some help for it, but sometimes simply being willing to take some kind of action for ourselves is helpful in itself, even before we get the actual help.

In any case, I'm glad that you took the risk to write about it here. Sometimes just writing it down can make a difference, and help move things forward a little, you know ?