Can't stop thinking about food
I'm a recovering anorexic, after dropping a significant amount of weight my parents encouraged me to see a dietician who showed me my anorexia I didn't even know I had. I was resistant to treatment at first but am now feeling like I'm nourishing my body well and have gotten back to a more normal weight, don't constantly restrict, etc.
My question is about being on the "brink" of recovery, I don't feel as strong urges to restrict or feel extreme fear of some foods anymore, and while these behaviors are still somewhat present, I'm mostly concerned that I am thinking about food ALL of the time. Even when it's not in a restrictive way, it still is on my brain way more than a normal person and I can't seem to get over it. It varies between sometimes restricting, sometimes eating small meals because I'm "bored" or excited that I don't feel so oppressed by anorexia anymore and can enjoy more foods, and eating pretty large portions and not being able to tell if I'm full/satisfied or not.
I know you lose a lot of hunger cues with anorexia, but I just want to be able to go about my life without thinking about food, it almost feels like restricting made it better because then i had some sort of structure rather than absentmindedly thinking about different things I could cook just for the hell of it, etc. It mostly comes when I'm alone/not occupied, which seems somewhat normal, but still I'd like to be able to eat balanced meals and recover without having food constantly on the brain! Anyone else have similar thoughts?